i'm an optimist... a nervous nellie afraid of the world optimist but an optimist nonetheless.
i spend my days worrying what (bad) may happen but think it won't ACTUALLY happen... and then when something bad does happen i believe it will sort itself out and ultimately not be so bad...and when that isn't the case, i search and seek out the reason why and do my best to find the good in the adversity.
so here is what i'm finding today....through the nonstop onslaught of tears and boogers!
(and lemme tell you it ain't easy to find the good).
i am 38 years old...i have had 38 years of an involved (sometimes too involved!) loving, devoted, nutty and wonderful mother...whose essence and humor and sarcasm and sharpness live in me, my sister and my brother and our children.
g-d willing i will be fortunate enough to have my mother for much longer but if not, at least i've had the benefit of her all this time...and i've still got my husband, my kids, my brother, my sister, my dad, my extended family and my friends...lots to be happy about.
my kids...again the silver lining...they both have so much of my mother in them...so much that i see every day...and since we live next door to my parents my kids have been growing up with so much of her influence!
and during this year of my mother's battling her illness, i have seen kindness, experienced love and support like i never expected. isn't that a silver lining?
and what about all of you? all of you who are willing to go through this with me... who are willing to pray, wish, hope, and listen to me babble on about my sadness and rage (i'm like a constant buzz kill! sorry...) you fill my heart and my soul and i'm convinced this whole thing would be even worse without my having the show as an outlet to laugh and cry and scream and be all around silly...silver lining.
i cannot thank you enough. really.
however, i have to say i feel incredibly tested right now... that hope...that thing inside me that tells me everything will be ok is really hard to hear right now and dammit i will listen harder because i cannot give up hope right?!
please keep having good thoughts for my mom.
facebook: jennifer koppelman hutt