spent some time in my attic…PURGING…felt so good to throw out the things i will never use/need again. i cannot believe the ridiculous amount of crap i saved! (i’m not a hoarder but still…)
there are SO MANY pictures from high school, college and beyond. i have a freaking key chain (and loads of other photos) with a small picture of (real housewives) bethenny and me…oh the frosted makeup we wore at 20!
nothing is organized.. i don’t know how to begin to catalog my photos. open to suggestions.
overall i was a cute teen/twenties girl…who knew!
why is looking back cruel like that?! i spent so many hours (then) agonizing over how not good enough/pretty enough i was. wasted time.
i did come across some priceless letters from my mother that made me both laugh AND cry. i may scan some of what i found from her…she was so zany and funny! every letter ends with "i love you" and "xoxo" i am definitely her daughter! gd i miss her. still have my moments of disbelief that she’s gone.
and i found a few flirt notes (foreplay) i had written back and forth with an ex crush during law school. i was such a girl! i wrote what i looked for in a guy (actually made "the list") and we talked about what kind of kissing is best…and he told me how "radiant" i looked one day. i had forgotten this silly fun period in my life! it seems i remember all the angst of that time, but not so much of the joy.
i also found a few letters i had written post break up with a boyfriend…OMG i am so glad i didn’t send him these letters because i was so pathetic and emotionally open- the kind of open you regret the minute you share!
reading them the other day made my face flush and brought me back to that shameful not worthy feeling.
and i’m not sure if it is comforting or troubling that i seem to be very similar in mind to who i was at 22…clearly more secure now, and slightly less dramatic but substantially the same.
i will surely be spending more time sifting through memories in my attic. such a gift to visit my younger self and be reminded of who i was and what i was thinking.
also, such a (big) kick in the ass reminding me stop WASTING time dwelling on what doesn’t matter.
it all goes so fast.
when was the last time you went through your attic?!
fb: jennifer koppelman hutt