I miss her voice.
I miss her skin.
I miss her scent.
I miss the comfort of knowing she was there if I needed her.
She was there when I needed her.
I still need her.
I miss my mom every day.
But this time of year, with her birthday today and mine around the bend, the longing for her is intense.
My body just can’t shake it.
It feels like she just died.
Ten birthdays means I am approaching ten years without my mom.
And sometimes I feel so tired.
But I am ok. I am better than ok. I am so ok that I am surprised consistently just how ok I am.
I feel like I have so much left in me to do.
And then I think,
Did she feel the same way at my age?
It doesn’t matter.
My birthday gift to my mom is to honor her by my being even more.
I will do more, I will give more, and I will love more.
(And mom, if you’re reading this somewhere, don’t worry, I will make sure to stay thin, get manicures, have my hair done, and fix all bottoms of my shoes.)
Happy birthday Mommy!
I love you forever.