‘Twas the night before high school…

MOM! STOP!!!!

MOM! STOP!!!!

I am starting high school tomorrow!
No, I’m not.
My son is.
And I am emotional and anxious.

I remember my ninth grade year as clear as day. I remember the
Benetton logo striped shirt I wore THREE too many times. I remember my
horrible perm.  I remember walking through the hallways, seeing the
older boys I had a crush on- the ones who didn’t like me back.

I remember feeling uncertain where I fell socially.

Big shocker: I didn’t feel super cool.
I don’t think  I was super cool.
Wait. Am I now super cool?!
(No need to answer!)

I think because my starting high school FEELS like yesterday,   [Read more...]

5 years later, my mom is still dead.

My mom: October 2007 and late June 2008

My mom: October 2007 and late June 2008. She died July 8, 2008

Crying in my bed because 5 years later, my mom is still dead.

While she is frozen in time at 65 years old, I am getting older.
My once excellent eyesight has changed.
I need glasses.
Like really.
Things sometimes double when I look at them.

I went to the eye doctor- ok I went to two eye doctors, spoke to a third at length on the telephone , emailed my cardiologist, and texted with another general practitioner about my concerns.
I did this, because like my mother, I have anxiety that makes me somewhat hypochondriacal.

And also ever so slightly crazy.

I admit to being a touch crazy because my mom was two touches crazy.
I am proud to have that part of her in me.

All doctors thus far have said my eye issues are due to aging mixed with stress and exhaustion. I need glasses with prisms in them to help my tired eyes focus.

So I took some of my mom’s glasses and had my prescription lenses put in.
I put these glasses on, these glasses that once belonged to my mother, and I can see.
Truly remarkable.

One pair of her glasses is red and kookie.
I love these. They feel extra comfortable on my face.
Like when I am wearing them, she is with me.

so what if they're a bit big for my face!

so what if they’re a bit big for my face!

My mom would be so happy to know [Read more...]

Happy Father’s Day Daddy. I LOVE YOU!

My dad and me this past spring!

My dad and me this past spring!

My dad has two moods: happy and hungry.
That’s slightly simplified but for the bulk of my life it did seem that way.

Whether or not my dad was having a richer (or tougher work and/or) emotional life- he made sure we believed all was well at all times.
And for the most part it was.
Some would even say we (my brother, sister and I) had a magical childhood- complete with the adequate dysfunction of every household yes, but magical none the less in many ways.

For instance, how many 6 year olds get to sit in a recording studio while Dolly Parton is recording what will be the GIANT hit “Here You Come Again?!”
Not many, but I did.
In fact, Dolly Parton got to know me so well (because of my dad!) that she told me “Jenny one day you’ll be a star..”
I’m still working on that one Dolly!
We got to watch while Barbra Streisand strummed her guitar during one of our vacations at her house in Malibu.
We got to do a lot of really extraordinary and fabulous things because my dad took us with him while he was doing the extraordinary and fabulous things. [Read more...]

An excerpt from my speech at the jewish home and some Mother’s Day thoughts…

my mom loved my son jacob so much!

my mom loved my son jacob so much!

Tomorrow is the 5th Mother’s Day without my mom. I hate this day.

In my mom’s honor, here is an excerpt from the speech I gave at the JHE event last week.

LOSING MOMMY:

I had this really cool radio show on siriusxm called whatever with alexis and jennifer, I was getting control of my body- probably because i was feeling happier and fulfilled.

Then my mother got sick and my whole existence changed.

During this time, I let my guard down and learned to be vulnerable. or was forced to be vulnerable. not sure which. But anyway,

Fall of 2007 my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

And for 9 mos, my sister and I would take my mom to her treatments, be with her after, take care of our kids and husbands, and in between all of this I would go to nyc and do my radio show and then shoot my first tv show.

My mom’s name was Bunny or Mommy. She was spectacular, super smart, gorgeous, funny, warm, crazy, demanding, unrelenting, naughty, fiercely loyal and fabulous.
I loved her so much.

From as early as I can remember my mom believed in my potential to do something great.
Now her version of great was maybe my being able to wear a bikini without a sarong (never going to happen!)

She also thought i could be a judge. Or a doctor.  Or president.
She had total faith in my brain capacity and personality,
little faith in my ability to regulate my body weight.There was not a single move i made that I wasn’t searching and wanting her approval.

My mom was of course the most loving mom mom to my kids, and mother in law to my husband.

My mom was my foundation.
She was my judge and jury.
She was my biggest fan.
She was my biggest critic.
She was the start of every day for me at 7am when she’d call my house and ask what i was doing…(what do you think im doing it is 7am!!!) She was the one I’d talk to most throughout the day.

My mom died July 8, 2008.

And although she isn’t actually here anymore,
I am reminded of her each time I catch a glimpse of myself on TV.

THANK YOU MOMMY because  your influence and impact continues to show through every over the top facial expression I make.
They come from you.
And I am so grateful because I think they make people smile.
Just like you did.

I miss you.

Tomorrow is the 5th Mother’s Day without my mom. I hate this day.

xo
Jenny