how do i explain to my kids that people can do the wrong thing but that doesn’t erase all the good things they’ve done before.
how do i explain to my kids that someone can care about them yet leave without warning, leave without saying goodbye, disconnect her phone and provide no forwarding address.
how can i explain to my kids that sometimes people cannot deal with their lives and have to move on but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH MY KIDS.
when someone hurts my babies, my heart aches- it aches in my belly- you know that pit in your stomach that shows up every few hours reminding you that you feel like crap.
you know that pit that feels empty yet full of sadness, disappointment and confusion. that pit that serves as an almost constant reminder that you’ve been wronged. that pit that reminds you that you cannot protect your children from every ounce of hurt they will feel.
that pit that makes me want to f’ing scream and cry at the same time.
part of my job as a mommy is to allow my kids to feel sadness, to feel disappointment, to allow life to happen even when life isn’t all that sweet. i believe that working through these complicated emotions my children will learn they can get over a bad experience, a rotten day at a school, unrequited love, mean kids on the playground, and someone they cared about dropping out of their lives for no good reason. by allowing my children to process their pit in the belly ichy feelings my kids will grow up to be adults who will take life’s disappointments in stride.
i am a really sensitive girl, a wear her heart on her sleeve kind of woman, i can feel upset by someone looking at me the wrong way. but nothing feels quite as bad as seeing my children feel sadness and knowing i cannot take the pain away. i can ease the pain, i can comfort my kids, but ultimately time will have to make it all ok- i just hope it’s sooner than later.
9am wednesday morning update:
she texted me this morning saying she had no strength to say goodbye but she will send a note to my kids explaining herself and saying a proper goodbye. at least my kids will be feel better but keithy says she’s still a douchebag.
Jennifer as a childcare professional, this entry brings tears to my eyes. It is so hopeful and reassuring to me that there are parents and love so much.
I know right now is hard, but I hope you also know how blessed your kids are to have such loving parents.
I know this is a tough time, but know that you have made my day brighter by showing the pain.
~L
Jennifer, Kids get over things faster then us adults. I don’t know how much involvement this nanny/daycare provider had with your kids, so I cant judge how your kids are taking this, you know your kids the best. But I bet they will grieve and move on as long as you don’t dwell on it for to long and get back to a normal routine. I just hope the creepy boyfriend didn’t do something horrible to her and this is his way to cover his tracks, it is very unprofessional not to call you, and to have been with you for 6 years seems strange. I don’t think it was her sending the text…JMO sorry for the morbidness 🙁
Heard the show today, I have two 4 year old children, and it would break my heart to tell them the truth about the nanny, I would almost feel justified to tell them something to protect them, like she had to go away to be with a sick relative and it was sudden so she could not tell them……..something that would lessen the blow and protect them from feeling rejected. Yes, it is lying, but I think if it saves them the feeling of abandonment, I would feel justified. I had one episode (so far) with one of my daughters where someone was very cruel to her due to jealousy, it broke my heart and can totally relate with the “feeling in the pit of my stomach”. As a parent, I will try to protect them, if someone they have been so close to has the selfish nerve to leave and not say good bye and provide closure I would absolutely soften the blow, some may call it lying, I call it protecting my kids. They will have ample opportunity to be exposed to cruelty, but if I can put a spin on something like this I would do it in a heart beat……..as long as I would be sure that the cow will not try to contact them or that they would not find out the truth in some other way!!!!
And thanks to you and Alexis for your show and pictures and everyday details of your lives, it is so interesting, I love your website too.
Jennifer, I hope everything is okay and I wish you and your kids all the best. Your children are very lucky to have someone as caring and involved as you for a parent.
My son’s “dad” dropped him off in front of a safeway when he was 7 years old – said he wasn’t his dad anymore – I always told my son he was sick if he did something that rotten – and NOT my son’s fault. I told my son 11 years later when he graduated that he could feel sorry for himself over it or be more compassionate – and he chose the latter. I believe that the love from a parent – any parent – is amazingly powerful. It empowers your children and surrounds them with security and strength. Good for you Jen. You and Keith LOVE your kids. Sometimes it IS enough.
I was raised by maids/nannys. And while only some of them were nice to me, ALL of them left suddenly. It’s the nature of the work, I guess… As a kid, I didn’t understand why they had to leave. And because no one told me otherwise, I just assumed it was always my fault. So if nothing else, Jennifer, make sure your babies know that it WASN’T their fault. The rest will work itself out.
Jennifer I love you and all, but maybe you drove the housekeeper crazy.
What did you do to that lady!
It sounds like you left town and she seen the opportunity to get back to her country.
Just let her go!
Tell the kids there was a little accident.
I will come and work for you! “I speak english”
Keithy’s right! But your children will be fine because you and Keithy are not!
You are the parents and really the most significant people in your childrens’ lives. Trust me years from now they won’t remember her name.
Missed you and glad you’re home safe and sound!!!!
hey jen it was better for the nanny to leave on her own than for her to have stayed on and gone berserk and hurt your children physically… sometimes people just cannot handle stress after some time…
P.S. Truthfully, more worried about you.
Had this happen to me, 3 kids under 10, a job and no more sitter. HELP!!!!!
Jennifer,
I too had a nanny – but she died. My mother explained it to me with these words:
TIME CHANGES THINGS
It was the most important lesson I ever learned.
You know she was probably stealing from you anyway! Check your silver!
shit happens
Jennifer, I understand that you are emotional but it is your job to send fearless children into the world and to teach them that no matter what happens in their lives they will be able to handle it. You can be honest about your emotions without indulging yourself.
You are neurotic and I’m sure you’d rather not pass that on to your kids. They are young enough that you could have made this barely a blip on the radar screen for them. There will be more important things than this for them to face.
Heidi
leo’s a genius.
OMG, it’s so obvious what happened here! The nanny was banging Keithy and her guilt made her up and leave with no warning! Or maybe Keithy knocked her up and she ran off to birth his love child! Cool!
You’re a great mother for even thinking this deep about it. I can relate to your parenting skills so much! Love them!! You’re a wonderful mother!
You cried about your nanny leaving in front of your children. Give me an F****ng break. Come on Jennifer get a friggen grip. You don’t want harm to come to your children, but it looks like you are going to be placing most of the harm. I mean if you can be so snotty and sarcastic the week prior to XMAS everyday you would say “happy birthday Jesus” instead of Merry Xmas then you should be able to handle a nanny leaving. In other words if you can be a jerk and hurtful in other situations you can’t be that fragile. I know Jennifer the “happy birthday Jesus” was just a joke right? Isn’t that what you and Alexis always say right after you say something sarcastic. Gimme a break!!!!
Jenn,
You are a wack job.
you need to see a shrink.
get a grip. The world is so screwed up right now and your crying over a nanny??
further more WTF is a nanny?? !!!
I don’t know from a nanny. Try living in the real world for a week, you will snap out of it real quick.
try REALLY working for a living, try scrathing and saving and doing without to pay bills.
spoiled brat.
give me a break!
I had to write. Listening to you carry on about the Nanny was sickening; get over it. How are you going to react when something really awful happens?
Don’t listen to the naysayers above. You are who you are and no one in your family would want you to change. In the end it always seems to work out just wait and see.
Dear Jennifer,
I say this with all due respect, please stop whining! Your children will pick up on your feelings and this will not be helpful to them. One important job as a mother, in my opinion, is to frame situations in life in a way that gives children coping skills to deal with “stuff” that they will encounter throughout the rest of their life. And let’s face it, a lot of the “stuff” they will encounter will be hurtful and or negative. Trying framing this in a positive way for them, by congratulating them on how they are handling it, and giving them positive strokes for their coping in a difficult situation. They will feel good about themselves and stronger.Tell them to keep their heads up and remember who they are!
Love you,
Mother of three adult children
No one will ever love and care for your children as much as you-yourself do…..Remember that.