hi everyone!
i’m an optimist… a nervous nellie afraid of the world optimist but an optimist nonetheless.
i spend my days worrying what (bad) may happen but think it won’t ACTUALLY happen… and then when something bad does happen i believe it will sort itself out and ultimately not be so bad…and when that isn’t the case, i search and seek out the reason why and do my best to find the good in the adversity.
so here is what i’m finding today….through the nonstop onslaught of tears and boogers!
(and lemme tell you it ain’t easy to find the good).
i am 38 years old…i have had 38 years of an involved (sometimes too involved!) loving, devoted, nutty and wonderful mother…whose essence and humor and sarcasm and sharpness live in me, my sister and my brother and our children.
g-d willing i will be fortunate enough to have my mother for much longer but if not, at least i’ve had the benefit of her all this time…and i’ve still got my husband, my kids, my brother, my sister, my dad, my extended family and my friends…lots to be happy about.
my kids…again the silver lining…they both have so much of my mother in them…so much that i see every day…and since we live next door to my parents my kids have been growing up with so much of her influence!
and during this year of my mother’s battling her illness, i have seen kindness, experienced love and support like i never expected. isn’t that a silver lining?
and what about all of you? all of you who are willing to go through this with me… who are willing to pray, wish, hope, and listen to me babble on about my sadness and rage (i’m like a constant buzz kill! sorry…) you fill my heart and my soul and i’m convinced this whole thing would be even worse without my having the show as an outlet to laugh and cry and scream and be all around silly…silver lining.
i cannot thank you enough. really.
however, i have to say i feel incredibly tested right now… that hope…that thing inside me that tells me everything will be ok is really hard to hear right now and dammit i will listen harder because i cannot give up hope right?!
please keep having good thoughts for my mom.
thank you.
xxx
jennifer
aim:whateverradio
facebook: jennifer koppelman hutt
jennifer,
just wanted to let you know not to worry about being a buzzkill we your listeners are here for you. I could not imagine going through what you are going through right now as my mother is my best friend. if people don’t want to here it then they don’t have to listen. You and your family are in my constant prayers. Keep your chin up girl!
You are very fortunate to have the support of your listeners as well as friends and family. Don’t ever be sorry about blogging about it or talking about it on the show. Keep looking for that silver lining and if you force yourself to smile it might make you feel better.
My thoughts are most definitely with your family and I’m sure that I’m not the only one who can say that.
i’m so glad you have the show right now and alexis to laugh with. she’s over there on her blog still bitching about her boob pictures. love it!
your blog made me cry. we’re all here thinking about you and hoping for the best. you do have alot to be thankful for. it’s just hard to remember that at
I just want you to know how often I think about you. I don’t even know you really but I do know you in many ways!
while reading you describe your thoughts and feelings I felt as it I were writing it about myself! We are VERY much alike! I too believe in the good and we MUST look for it in every situation. I lost my Mom over 4 years ago and many things she said stay with me today! Savor and cherish each day, hour minute you have with her and your husband and kids! You are doing everything right and in the end you will never regret ANY of these thoughts or snapsot moments in time! Keep your chin up, you are coping the best you can with what you’re dealing with. Hang in there…as my Mom would have said, “time heals all wounds”!
Jennifer-Never give up hope! When a loved one is going through the horrible fight that your Mom is, hope is all you have. We’re all out here hoping and praying with you! XOXOXOXOXO
You have found the silver lining. i lost both my parents’ in quick succession. Being there, saying I love you a million times over, and witnessing their passage (I don’t mean imminent either) surrounded by all who matter most in the world to you and them is the greatest gift. No, not happy times – but there is a peace when the end is not an “if” but a “when” – and the simple acts that bond u even more: a touch, a kiss, a whisper, a stroke, remains with you long after. peace and love in this transition is the spiritual joy that transcends. No I am not a holy roller – I’m Jewish. I personally took care of my parents for 3 years with the full understanding of what I was in for. I know I have spoken out of turn on such a personal matter – I only mean to share my experience – apologies in advance if I have offended.
Jennifer, I think of your mom constantly. You are lucky to have such a loving, supportive family. We love you. Please don’t feel bad about how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with it. Take care of yourself, please. Again, we love you. XXOO
When my mother got ill – I never thought she would leave me. When she did leave me there was such a sadness in my soul that, even after 5 years, it hasn’t left. I am not going to try to make you feel better or say a lot of words that you will hear every day. I do want to leave you a thought that will make you feel better years after this is over, no matter what happens. Just love her – love her today. Give her a hug and kiss even when you don’t think you have it to give. Stop on your way out the door – turn around blow a kiss. Just being there – being her daughter – just knowing that she knew that you loved her – that is what is going to stay with you. Remember – this is going to work out one way or another – but in the years to come knowing in your heart that she knew how much you loved her is what will ease the pain.
Hope against hope your Mom will have more time. It’s hard to let them go but if you look at pain and quality of life and put yourself in the bed you’ll make the right choices. Lost my Mom Christmas eve 2006, hated Hospice, my sister-in-law, Roxinal(the morphine drug), and everyone who “let her slip away” but I realize that was the best for her, just incredibly hard.
I think of you all the time and what you and your family are going through. It is a terrible disease as we all are too aware. Please continue to blog and talk on your show about your feelings. I know when my time comes to go through what you are facing now I will think back at how gracious and strong you have been. I hope I can exhibit half the strength you have. Know your listeners care.
You and Bunny are on my shoulder- permanently
S&*T Jen. You are a great daughter. This is not easy and we all really do care. Don’t examine why you feel the way you do – just feel it – and march through it good or bad. No matter WHAT you feel – you have no responsibility in what is happening with Bunny. It just isn’t fair for any of you. XOXO
Sending you a hug!
jennifer-when you start feeling really down, just think of alexis and how mad she is about not being able to show her boobs on the internet. that one thought has taken me out of a few bad/sad moods all week. i hope you have your mother for many years to come. i wish you and your family love and luck, and most of all, hope and faith.
Your holding up beautifully. No buzz kill. I haven’t spoken to my mother in over 7 yrs. She’s basically a sociopath. It’s safer, not easier to stay away from her. I don’t allow myself to envy very often, but when I do, it usually has something to do with a mother/daughter who’ve managed to have “it”. The ability to honestly love each other, even when they drive each other crazy from time to time. You and Bunny make a great pair! No matter what happens, that’s such a gift.
The way I see it, you’ve made all of us laugh so many times, and given us a break from difficult days. The very least we can do is give you comfort now.
Take Care.
I think in times like these, when we are being tested or “left in the desert” God (the big “G” God) shows us that we can’t get through it alone; our friends and family, therapy or even laughter can’t help pull us through either. He is the only way out. He blesses us when we reach out to him in our trials. Just a thought….
Do NOT give up up, continue to be STRONG for your mother. I know that it is the hardest thing you have ever experienced – being strong and positive for her when you just want to cry and have her tell you everything is going to be alright. My mother passed away when I was 27 (I am now 29). Ovarian Cancer was what took her. She was my absolute best friend, my sister, my everything. She passed away 2 months after I got married. I hear your stories and cry for you. I would never wish seeing someone you love so much suffer the way cancer patients suffer – not on anyone. It brings me back to what still seems like yesterday. But for you, for her, its not over. She needs to stay strong and continue to fight! Give her big hugs for me.
xo xo xo
LET IT ALL OUT!! Don’t hold anything in. I have been holding things in since my grandfather died last year (it will be one year on July 2) and it just eats at me. I wish I had an outlet, but sometimes I think there isn’t one. I want to scream and yell but I’m afraid to make a scene. Just LET IT ALL OUT!!
Best wishes,
Jeremy
Jennifer, keep reading this blog. It is a very positive way to think. The hardest part when someone is sick is to separate yourself from the situation. You have to approach each day unselfishly. If it is time for your mom to go, you have to let her, and more importantly you must let her know that you’ll be okay without her. That is the hardest part, but if you really can get to that point to understand your need to not see her suffer is greater than your need to have her with you, regardless of how she feels – you can then truly say, what will be will be. And be thankful that you had this long with her. Understand that you will be okay. And let her know that too! You’re very sweet!!! I’m thinking of you.
Jennifer, I hope that you will keep looking for that silver lining as hard as it is. Also, keep writing which helps, and if you can, take some photos if your mom is up for it.
My heart aches for you all. You are being incredibly brave and I am sure your mother is proud of your strength thru this. Tell her how much you love her every single chance you get.
accidentally hit “submit” before i finished. i was saying it’s hard to realize all you have to be thankful for at times like these and it went off without some big XOXOXOXOXO’S
Jennifer, we are with you.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through this – I know what/how you’re feeling. Both of my parents are suffering from terminal illnesses at this time and I’m caring for them in my home with my husband and 2 children. We never expect or imagine how these situations can come about. We can only hope for the strength, courage, and empathy to get us through it all. I will continue praying for your mom, you, and your family.
Jenn-to completely change the subject for a moment-what do you feel (as a Sirius stockholder/lawyer)will come of the merger with XM? Are U hearing good things, or are you, like a lot of us, stock with a crappy stock?
Back to the post topic now–my best to U, and especially your mother. Be Well.
I appreciate all your efforts at keeping the show afloat despite what you are going through. Hopefully a listener who is going thru the same thing will get some comfort from sharing the journey you are currently on. You are from “good people”, Jennifer.
you clearly have everything you need to deal with this in you. my best to you and your family. you’re awesome!
Constant thoughts and prayers are eith you and your family during this time. You are so lucky to have so many people that love you…embrace it.
take it from me, you’ll be okay.
my mom died eight years ago, and i had an extraordinarily difficult time dealing with it. however, like you, i was surrounded by loving, caring family and friends.
you’re doing the right thing, spending as much time with your mom as you can.
take good care of yourself.
I am 62 years old and sadly I must say that I did NOT have a loving and devoted mother. When I read about your sadness I want you to remember how lucky you are that your mother has been so involved in your life. That involvement has given you strength that you can call upon now, when times are so tough. Yes, you are incredibly fortunate that she chose to love you and your siblings and now is the time to realize and appreciate her for dong just that. I will continue to have good thoughts for you and your family at this most difficult time.
Hi Jennifer…I’m going through the same thing with my Dad right now. I can relate to your sadness. I’m an optomist also & I’m always looking for the silver lining too…Take good care.
ARE YOU CRAZY? Worrying about what you are eating at a time like this! Throw the diet thoughts away…you said it yourself…live for the moment…EAT CAKE!
Jennifer, I went through this exact scenario with my father. Whatever the outcome, you are following your heart and being true to those things your parents taught you. Be present. Be happy for what she has given you, and what she continues to teach you right now. You will get through this and you will do her (and yourself, your family and kids) proud.
“Whatever” continues to be the only reason I turn to channel 112 anymore. You’re doing good radio these days, and that is a Good Thing.
Take care.
Jennifer – My mom is going through ovarian cancer and is doing well. Everyone we know and many people who don’t know her but know me have been praying (I’m not the religious type), sending good wishes, crossing fingers,etc. Think only good thoughts -the rest will look after itself.
Have been listening and laughing with you guys from the beginning, and today I had an “NPR” moment – you know how, during the fundraisers on public radio, they constantly repeat that if you listen, you should be making a pledge. Well, maybe it’s a bad analogy, but I couldn’t keep letting you entertain me without taking a minute to tell you that you are appreciated, and should be proud that you make thousands of people smile on a daily basis. All of that positive energy that you put out into the universe will, undoubtedly, come back to you, your family, and most especially to your mother. Take care of one another … peace.
You say that “we” the audience are putting up with you.Nothing is further from the truth.
I am amazed at how much you can still laugh and do your show.It amazes me at how normal you sound. If I didn’t know you were going through this I wouldn’t guess that you are in midst of a family crisis.
Good luck to you and your family
Jennifer, we are all here to support you in your time of stress and sadness. I’m glad you finally can talk about it. Keeping all this locked up inside is more damaging. We are here, we will listen, we will cry with you. I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer 15 years ago. We were as close as sisters. I thought I was going to crawl into a ball and die. I have survived. I wish I would have had more time with her like you have had with your mom. Be thankful for everyday with Bunny good days and bad. We all wish Bunny a speedy recovery. And you and your family some peace.
I read “The Secret” a few months ago…and my favorite line is, “thoughts manifest….so choose the good ones…” And it really does work! Instead of thinking of what bad might happen, think the good! I know it’s hard, but I’m sending good thoughts your way!
Amen sistah!
Jennifer…you have such a sweet spirit. big hugs to your whole family.
Everything’s gonna be fine, but just in case it isn’t, write down a list of things you want to know about your mother; while you still have your mother. What was her first boyfriend’s name, how did she get that scar (if she even has a scar!), what was her favorite doll’s name, what did she crave when she was pregnant with you… You know, stuff like that! 😉
I lost my mother at 25, and couldn’t agree more with your reasoning. I am thinking good thoughts about you and Bunny.
Although I don’t always call in and write…I am thinking of your mom, you and your family all the time! Hoping that things get easier for all of you.
Be well Jennifer and hang in there!
Best,
Beth E.
Jennifer, It may or may not turn out the way you hope it will. It will turn out the way it is supposed to. The thing to remember is, no matter which, it will be ok. You will be ok. You are so strong. Taking note of the blessings in your life in the middle of such torment is strength. Lay your head down and let it all pass through you. How lucky is the woman who knows how lucky she is!
my family wishes you the best you are in our prayers.
Jennifer,
Tomorrow, I will say good-bye for the last time to dad. He has battled cancer, in one form or another, for the past 8 years. He was tired of fighting. I was by his side for the past 5 days. Those are days that I would not trade for anything. I was able to tell him how much he meant to me and how very much I loved him. He was a wonderful father and I am very fortunate to have had him for 47 years. Spend time with your mom. Give her all of the love and comfort you can. I’m praying that she will overcome this. But, if she doesn’t, no one can take those memories from you. I was there with my dad until the end. It was very peaceful and that gives me an inner peace. I know that he is in a much better place than we are. I hope to see him again some day. I truly understand what you are going through and pray for you and your family.
prayers you shall have my dear…what an outstanding woman you are!!!
Couldn’t agree more with Susan!! I feel the sadness about my grandmothers passing each day… and it has been over 3 years now and there’s hardly a day I don’t think about her… But I know that she knew how much we all loved her. It makes it easier. If you’re looking for an additional silver lining: you’re getting this time to spend with her and to say how much you care and love her and, eventually, to say good bye properly. Imagine if you weren’t able to…
Your posts are written so perfectly- very poetic. Your instincts are always right. Celebrate right now with bunny— as hard as it is– life it is an amazing cycle. It is all occurring before you. Take it in and don’t rush through this time thinking about what ifs… Live for now!
Your post is so moving…my heart truly aches for the saddness and fatigue that you and your family are going through. The cancer tunnel is so consuming. Please know that those of us who have been through the sheer hell of cancer support your mom, you and your family. No doubt you are all performing many heroics every day to help your mom. Sometimes it’s just making sure a nurse gets pain meds in time, being there to hold her hand or just making sure that she has as much dignity as possible. When I hear people talk about “being in the moment” I shake my head. There is no greater “being in the moment” than in the oncology ward holding a loved one’s hand, encouraging them and just being there. Rest as much as you can. Praying for health and peace for you all.
God love you, honey. I lost my mother to cancer and am currently going through the same thing with another very close family member. I understand it all. Go ahead and talk, talk, talk. You must. Its part of the process either way. Will continue to say prayers for you and your family.
Jennifer, sitting here reading your blog today, brought many tears to my eyes. I have been were you are right now, and at times thought I was going to loose my mind. I am so glad you have such a wonderful and supportive family, and friends around you to lean on when you need to. You have already heard all the saying, “Stay strong, keep your chin up”… etc. I just want to say that I am thinking a praying for you and your family at this horrible time in all of your lives.
We are all definitely here for you! I sometimes miss the show when I work late, like today, but I always check the blog for updates. Still keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.
My father died when I was 29..just a couple years ago. It was horrible but sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I see his blue eyes in my own. Somedays I laugh and I hear his laugh. You will be okay either way Jennifer. Make sure things are the way you want them to be. Say what you need to say, etc. God bless you
Sending positive healing vibes to your family Jennifer, and love to you all.
Maybe it’s not giving up hope (never give up hope), but surrendering with grace…
Jennifer,
There is no silver lining. I am sorry to say there just is not… I lost my Mom about 2 years ago, and felt the same optimism as you. I I had nothing but good thoughts and prayers and hope for my Mom, but life took a different turn than I had prepared for.I (literally) have been thinking about you and your family every morning when I wake and start the day, thinking positive thoughts for Bunny and her family. I hope and pray that Bunny will overcome this and continue to be a HUGE presence in your life. The reality is that it is tough…TOUGH, horrible, and extremely demonstrative to deal with what you are going through right now. It is a very emotionally draining experience to battle and fight illness/disease with a loved one. I feel for you and your family. Your husband and children can be great comforts right now. Lean on them for support and strength to get you through.Like the picture of you at the pool, it was so raw and real. You need the love and support of your family right now.
I wanted to call in so badly today when you were talking about hospitals, but did not because I didn’t think I could get my point across without crying. When my Mom was in the hospital, my sisters and I stayed 9 days straight with her…no showers,clean clothes,etc. Filthy dirty disgusting bathrooms with no facilities to take care of ourselves.After my Mother passed we felt it would be a great thing to donate some sort of a family/support bathroom or facility of some type to the ICU where we spent so much time. Family’s need so much during this time. I will continue to have good though s for you and Bunny and all of your family.
Thank you for continuing to do the show during this very trying time and thank you to Alexis for going on like usual with the show and her blog also. It is obviously very hard for both of you.(((Jennifer))) (((Alexis)))
I am here for you, just know there are people out here, praying for your Mom, YOU, your family. You are cared about much more than you can even know.
Cry, babble, be silent…do what you need to do for YOU! Anyone who does not understand, who is mean or cruel…you do not need in your life anyway!
Hang Tough Sweet Lady!
jen, this made me cry at 7:35 a.m. First, you are NOT a buzzkill. You are human and expressing feelings which is what everyone loves about you. This, as you know I know, is NOT easy. It’s a horrible test and the caregiver is actually feeling the worst of it since the patient is on morphine and in and out. You are a great writer. Keep writing your feelings and talk about it on air AS MUCH AS YOU NEED TO. Listen, hope is all you have right now because you know this disease is cure-less without a miracle. And your mom feels your love now more than she ever did and this is all you give to her right now. DO NOT STUFF THIS INSIDE!! You’ll get sick.
Hang in there Jenny. Work can be therapy, keep laughing. Hug your “babies” as much as possible. Things will be o.k.
Sending positive thoughts! XXXXXXXXX
What a wonder way to express your feelings. You aren’t rambling..you and your family are getting through a difficult time the best way you can. Our hearts go out to you.
Still holding your mom, you and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers. Keep strong Jen.
Praying for your mom. I beleive in miracles! Hey Jennifer, your assigment today if you wish to accept it is… (and I know you are busy with more important things) but can you take a picture of the ass doctor? The one that wears the tight pants! That is YUK! How dare he prance around the hosptial like Mr. Suave.
I’m sorry you have to go thru this,but you do and I did. Just know that you will be okay. You have the love of a wonderful man so lean on him. His strengh and the love of your good friends and family will get you thru this. Please keep working, it is the best thing for you right now. I will continue to keep you and Bunny in my thoughts and in my prayers.
Hold in there Jennifer, I have been thinking of you and Praying for your mom daily, the power of prayer is amazing, and I know that there is a whole lot of people praying for your mother. XOXO
Dear Jennifer,
I am a new listener to your show (am now a big fan of both you and Alexis). Know that I am keeping you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers. Nothing easy about this time but people get through it. Being grateful for what you have and nurturing hope are such wise perspectives to take and reflect your own strength and maturity. I know your mother is very proud of you and knowing this I hope will make this awful ordeal a little more bearable. Will keep you, your mother, and family in my thoughts.
I am sorry you and your family are in so much pain. I am sending you good vibes and good wishes..
Jennifer,
I am so sorry you have to go through this pain and I will continue to pray for your mother’s recovery. You really have a great perspective on life which we can all learn from and use when it’s our time to deal with the pain of seeing our beloved in peril. Thank you for sharing.
I so knew it was Jim Carrey, but I couldn’t remember the number so didn’t call. LOL I’m cracking up because I can’t believe that I guessed that. 🙂
Love is the only house big enough for all the pain in this world.
An ill and/or terminally ill parent is a lot to endure. I lost my mother-in-law 4 years ago and the pain never goes away but the gain from having had her in my live for 20 years is priceless. I make sure to love the rest of my family every day, like she taught me.
We listeners love you. Through good or bad.
Oh, Jennifer, there isn’t much I can say that hasn’t already been said. I scanned through the 69 comments already left by your many fans. I know it must be weird to hear from all of us who you do not know personally. However, I think there is a caring that is real simply because we hear your thoughts/feelings every day and we like you through the radio waves. You mean a lot to us. I am a lone SIRIUS subscriber as far as my family/friends go, so I keep my feelings to myself about my “SIRIUS friends”, but I have been thinking of you every day and feeling sad that you have to go through sadness. You are a good person. Keep loving and let the emotions roll. Sadness, anger, laughter, whatever. And don’t put up with the bullshit. Yell at the idiot people. They deserve it when you have the strength to give it to them.
Jennifer: You sound like such a dear soul. My heart goes out to you and your family during these very trying times. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Jennifer, I continue to pray for your Mom, you, your family, & everyone who knows and loves your Mom.
Jennifer, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Do what you can to take the best care of your mom. Even when the days are long and the sleepless nights are even longer just do whatever you can to make her happy and as comfortable as you can.
If something with her care doesn’t “feel right” trust your instinct.
Talk, cry, say whatever you need to say. We care. Big hugs to you and your mom…
Hi Jennifer, I continue to keep you, your Mom and the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I know today you talked about feeling offended by the way some asked you about your Mom’s health/prognosis. While some of them may actually just be nosey, consider the possibility that some just don’t know what to say…I guess my own personal experiences have provided me with a better sense of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of comments by well-meaning people. I guess it has made me more aware of what I say and how people take it. Based on that, when I want to express myself to those facing tough health issues with themselves or their family, I simply let them know that I am very sorry and that I will keep them and their family in my thoughts and prayers. Also, I never tell those people to “let me know if they need anything”, mostly, because most people will never ask for help, so the offer seems hollow. I suppose a better suggestion would be for the well-intentioned to take the initiative to do something special or thoughtful, or insist on bringing over dinner, taking the kids for a day, etc, without being asked.
On another topic, I have a sensitivity about comments made to me at the funeral home. Not sure why, but some people feel inclined to tell you about their relative or friend who experienced a terrible health crisis and passed away, etc, comparing their experience to mine, saying “I know how you feel, I had a sister/friend who…etc.” Not sure why that rubs me so wrong, but geez louise, I was having my own tough time and then the conversation becomes about them…
Looking back, the people I appreciated the most were those that simply expressed their sorrow for what I was going through and lent an ear (yes, just listened…)
Jennifer, don’t apologize for talking about things, we want to know how you are doing.
I wish you peace, Jennifer. Take care of yourself.
Give Bunny a bear-hug for me.
A week ago today I lost a good friend to pancreatic cancer. A 36 year old father of 3. I was violently mad until yesterday. He was one of the best fathers I have ever known and also one of the best loving husbands. I don’t have enough faith to understand WHY HIM. And then a girlfriend said something to me yesterday…..to make it brief …. ‘”To whom much is given, much is required. God does not make a mistake. He skipped over a lot of folks and chose him for a purpose. Maybe to strengthen our faith…maybe to make people realize how he has touched them’ Somehow that made me feel a little better. Being the ETERNAL optimist I am now thinking about how lucky his kids were to have him… if even for a short time … they will always remember what an incredible dad he was. NOT EVERYONE HAS THAT. Jennifer, she is a lovely woman that noone will forget… someday her spirit will leave her body and her memory is going to be SO STRONG in your hearts. Thank god for that…. some kids, grandkids, spouses will never feel that way. She’s made you a better mom, she’s made your kids happier and stronger with her influence. Your entire family is in my prayers and I don’t pray often.
Dear Jennifer, I keep checking your blog to see how you are doing. Thanks for sharing your situation with us. Prayers for your family & bunny from me.
Please know that when you are going through a storm it is hard to see the silver lining. But when the clouds break=then you see the lining. Hang in there and take deep breaths and treause the good in moments with those you love. Breath deep- hug your mother, hug your children. Each hug, each breath, each day is a gift. You are not alone- but your hurt and pain make it seem like it. Bless you, bless your mom. What a gift that you are able to be so close to her through this.
Hi Jennifer…Not at all amazing that over 72 people have written you words of support and inspiration. That’s because we have grown to love you, admire you, feel for you and want all this yucky hard stuff to go away for you. So many of us have gone through similar situations with our parents. So many of us know what it’s like running to the hospital, being there for hours & hours, detesting the smells, hating the doctors, being at all the nurses mercy. We have been there. I have been there. I understand your pain.
Stay strong. You have so many friends!!! xoxoxo
We love and care for you and your mom. Thanks for all the joy you bring us.
Jennifer I just got through reading your post and it brout tears to my eyes. When my mother was so sick I could never even think that she could die or that I may never see her again. My mom is my best friend . I talk to her every day and see her no less than 2-3 times a week. We travel together, we do alot together that a husband or I should say my husband doesn’t under stand our bond. I love her so much, that I’m crying for you and her that at any time my 80 year old mother could leave this earth and me too. That’s somewhat shelfless but that’s how I feel. I hope that you mom gets better and that you have her with you for many years to come, I have a very difficult time visualizing myself without my mom Flo. From the Elbow Beach in Bermuda I send you and your family but especially you Jennifer all my thoughts and best wishes. Life is a real bitch sometimes and very hard. I will think of you over my holiday her in Bermuda. Amy
Jennifer,
Thank you for being so open and honest about what you are going through. Don’t hold back. We are here for you. 🙂
*hugs*
Hi Jennifer-
I am sorry to hear about your mother. My mom is battling ovarian cancer. We don’t know how much time we will have her. IT SUCKS. So, needless to say, I feel your pain. I wish you and your family all the best.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jen, you got it! And you will continue to get it over the course of this awful experience and beyond. I speak from experience, it has and will continue to change you. My parents live in ME, my siblings, my kids, etc. They gave me sooooo much while they were alive, enough love and wisdom for ten lifetimes at least. And when it gets so bad that you think you can’t take it any longer remember, God does not give you what you can’t handle. He will not abandon you or leave you alone.
I am thinking of you with love and support…
xoxo
Mica in Miami
I went to Andrew Jackson High School with Bunny Carlin. She was an adorable, sweet girl who was also a brilliant student. I wish her the very best in fighting this horrible disease. She’s in my thoughts and prayers.
Kids are wonderful gifts from God. Each day I’m thankful to have such a brillant child.
🙂
you can’t change what is happening or make it better.
🙁
what you can do is think and treasure what you do have.
🙂 LOVE
memories
children
handsome hubby [ yummy]
and a good pal like Alexis and her MOM
who are also very good pals of your MOM so you have lots of love and oh dopn’t forget us out here we love ya a bunch too…
yes i make horrible sewing stuff…but my heart is always in the right place…:)
Jennifer, it somehow helps me to deal with sickness and death by knowing that everything in life is preordained…i really believe that we are only on the earth to learn lessons, both for those who die or are born physically/mentally challenged and for those of us who are left behind. it somehow makes me feel better to know that everything is unfolding in life the way it is written. have you read any of Dr.brian weiss’s books? he’s a psychiatrist who believes in past life regression (many masters many lives)…
just my belief…thinking of you and your dear mom and praying positive thoughts…you’re like our best girlfriends since we spend 2 hrs/day listening to you–so we laugh w/ you and cry w/ you as you are very human and not like other talk radio show phonies who we never get to intimately know.
Jennifer…You bring me joy. I am a devoted ride-home-from-work listener.
I hope I can bring you a little love, and that it may help lift you up.
Thanks for being you, and thanks for that piece of your mom that makes you who you are.
I know what you are going through…Tell your mom how much you love her. Hug her, take pictures, kiss her, hold her. Have no regrets.
My thoughts and prayers are with both you and your family. Cancer sucks and I hope your mom is never in too much pain. Hang in there… Spend as much time with her as possible… take a leave of absence (although we the listeners are selfish and would miss you)… but we all have just one mom and she deserves the best of you right now. Give your father a big hug and kiss as well- this must be so difficult for him. Start writing down memories of her so that you can share all the funny stories and tales with your children and your future grandchildren.
Jen, I write again. My brother died of lung cancer in 2000. He went into a coma the last week. I TOTALLY regret not spending more time with him. But I share with his kids what I can now. When he died, I felt at peace. It’s hard to imagine right now, but once they go thru the tunnel, they are on the other side and in ZERO pain, ZERO cancer and then, if your mind is open, you will hear her voice. They leave you signs. It’s utterly awesome, amazing and totally something you will not forget. I remember sitting in an airport about a week after he died and I heard him call my name. My entire family experienced things like this. Let us hope you mom pulls thru, but if not, be aware that she will still be with you and you will hear her voice and smell her perfume. I read this book called “Embraced By The Light” by Betty J. Eadie. She was clinically dead but then came back to life and wrote about her experience. Her explanation of “the Tunnel” is exactly how I always imagined it and when my husband woke me to say “your brother just died” (another horrible thing.. why I slept thru this) I actually sat up and smiled and said “Thank God” as I knew he finally let go and embraced the warmth, love and peace of the hereafter. My thoughts are with you every day now and I wish you peace and comfort. Love you Jen.
Jennifer, the heart-felt nature of your blog moved me to tears. And I haven’t cried in years. I sincerely wish the best for your mom, you and your family. You are a good person and lots and lots of people care about you.
Jennifer:
We love your show so much and almost feel like we are part of your extended family..I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this pain..I know that you are not going to have time to answer all of these comments, but I do have a question. I am much older than you(51) but went through the loss of my father-in law. My question is, how do you handle questions and emotions from your kids about your mom..I think it’s hard for any parent to explain to their child, but you all live so close together, that this must make it even tougher. My youngest is 11 years old and had such a hard time dealing with the death of his grandfather, and yet couldn’t talk about it for quite a long time. I try and get him to get his feelings out, but find it’s difficult for a little boy. Are you finding that you are in a similar situation.
I’d be happy to hear what you think.
I’m a wacky Catholic but still know how to pray and will continue to do so for all of you!
hi anne,
i do have time to answer since i am sitting in a hospital room! my brother, sister and i have 7 kids between us ranging in ages 14 years to almost 8…and we have all chosen the route of honesty…we answer all questions to the best of our ability…and we were upfront with the children when my mom was first diagnosed last fall…this cancer is not an easy one to treat.
i think death is tough to deal with- for you, for me, and for our kids- so i am not surprised your 11 year old is having a rough time…he will emote eventually- they all do…just not on our time line. my daughter has expressed her feelings a lot during these past few weeks…my son too although not as frequently. as long as they let something out you don’t have to worry. ..your 11 year old will grieve when he’s ready.
you are a good mother for paying such close attention to him.
hope this helps!
xxx
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. My heart is aching for you. xoxo
Jennifer please do not apoligize to the idiotic bloggers they are imbeciles that you should not acknowledge! Hope today was good for your family xxx
Cancer sucks. Steal moments with her, whatever they may be – don’t let the hospital take your time away from you and your sweet mom.
Jen–have your mom’s friends write down memories of her for you.I just did this on the 20th anniversary of my mom’s death, got things from her friends and my friends-they all loved her just like I did! And it gave me perspective too, she died when I was 29 but a friend’s mom and dad died when she was under five, see? perspective, I had 24 more years, what a gift! She and two brothers were raised by their grandparents. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and your family during this time.