hi.
alexis and i planned this trip to los angeles (alexis planned it actually! i just showed up.)
and i had 24 hours of no tears…NO TEARS!
for those 24 hours i was manic, busy, kind of numb and all around distracted which was FANTASTIC.
and then, all of a sudden, i really wanted to call my mother, and i couldn’t.
so i cried…in the middle of a jewelry store because i saw some beautiful rubies in my mother’s favorite color, bordeaux. and alexis bought something orange…a color my mother HATED!
so this is how it is going to be?
when i arrived in los angeles i made the decision to not contact any friends. i didn’t want to deal with the loss here. i wanted to pretend/wish/hope/convince myself that it hadn’t really happened- crazy huh?
and although i’ve discussed in meetings that my mom just died, i dealt with it almost clinically- i suppose the same way a doctor must deal with death (and that’s as close as i’ll ever be to a dr!).
but then yesterday afternoon, after the meetings and after the crying in the store, one of my friends in los angeles contacted me…and once again, losing my mother became real.
my friend lisa said to me "i can’t imagine your family without bunny. bunny was the center. it doesn’t seem possible for your family to be without bunny."
yeah. it doesn’t seem possible.
but that is how it is now.
and since yesterday afternoon, the crying is back in waves. the uncontrollable sobs.
and the fucking visions of my mother at the end.
visions of my mother robbed of her autonomy but never her dignity.
my mom was one of a kind.
i miss her so much.
i can’t believe she’s gone.
some pictures from the trip so far.
alexis and i waiting to get our rented white mini van (cool car!) from the hotel’s valet.
and me at the bar before dinner at mozza (had one sip of some bubbly wine).
xxx
jennifer
aim:whateverradio
facebook: jennifer koppelman hutt
Jen, it is OK to cry whenever you want! If you suppress it, you’ll get sick. Who cares where you cry? Everyone in LA is so effing self-centered they don’t even notice. I know this as I live in Orange County most of the time and it’s just as bad down here, if not worse. You could lay on the ground and sob and they’d step over you, so cry it up – feel your pain and let it out. Some days will be better than others and having gone thru this myself, those visions of them at the end are the worst. I don’t know a way to get those out of my head but it’s been seven years and they still pop in from time to time. It’s not good, sorry. It does get better tho. It just takes time.
Hope you have a nice change of venue and you can busy yourself a little bit to relieve your pain and sadness. I’m sure it never goes away – just sortta gets dull with time.
Cry–as much as you want to, any where you have to. Who cares what others think? Screw ’em…….
Lost my mom 20 years ago, still remember the last time I saw her, still cry, still want to call her. Not sure it gets easier but it does change over time. I guess you learn to lvie with it. But it still sucks.
Roll down the windows of your less then cool minivan–aka witness protection moblie-turn up the radio and have some laughs. And more bubbly wine.
I’d say you are doing OK, Jennifer. Go with every emotion you feel and don’t deny anything. It’s OK to have fun and smile and laugh, and it is equally OK to cry. Tears cleanse and renew. Every smile and giggle is just another leaf blooming, nurtured by a tear. Wait until you see the flower that eventually comes, you will love it.
Fondest wishes for a good and peaceful day.
Eva
we miss you!
Jennifer, I lost my dad very suddenly a year ago and everything you describe is a normal part of grieving. Isn’t it exhausting? But you know, it will get better and there will be more days when you think, hey I didn’t cry today and others when the tears are closer to the surface. The depths of this kind of grief is life changing and very personal. I admire your openess and honesty. Sending you all my love. xoxo
You are so very sweet. Cry and laugh! You’ll be okay. Xanax is good, no?! Thinking of you!
I think you are doing the right thing going thru with the trip. You deserve a few days of ocean air and “vacation sleep”. Maybe you could take a few minutes and watch the sunset from the beach while you are there, breathtaking. People actually apploud sometimes.
My grandpa died in July of 07 and I find myself thinking about him all the time and crying in places you could not imagine. There are moments when I’m in the shower shampooing my hair and I bust out in tears thinking about him…or even just driving down the road thinking of the times that I drove him and my grandma around when I was a teenager and I bust out crying…I miss him so much. I always remember the happy times and how much fun he was and that really helps 🙂 Jeremy
You almost sound angry at yourself for crying….DON’T BE! Crying is a pressure relief…my thought is better out then in.
You love your Mom, you miss your Mom, you want your Mom back…all this is so normal.
This is still new and raw, just get past today and tomorrow will take care of itself.
Time will ease the pain strengthen the good memories and one day it will hurt less.
Just keep hanging in there. You’re soldiering through and focusing on going forward. Don’t be embarrassed if you lose it. Be proud of your honesty and strength. Your posts are resonating with so many people, thank you for writing.
As for those hospital visions, they are truly awful. For me they helped me realize and accept the death was real, my dad was not just a phone call away or at his vacation house. The images will become much less frequent as time goes on. You may find you react very differntly to familiar things. One of the strangest aftershocks from my dad’s death was my inability to listen to music — something I loved. It just didn’t feel the same or right.
Take care and I’m glad you are both traveling in style — a white minivan is the perfect ride for a mover and shaker trip to L.A.
You look beautiful! And what a nice gesture from Alexis. 🙂
Xanax. Jennifer, you really need some medication. WWAD? What Would Alexis Do? Have sex, drink and take medication.
Jennifer, I think what is happening to you is totally normal and a testament to how much your mom meant to you in your everyday life. I lost my mom to brain cancer in January, and for the first few months I just couldn’t get her last moments out of my head. It’s horrifying, and the more you wish it would go away, the less it does. Like Lisa said above, it doesn’t get much easier, but it does change. I know this doesn’t help AT ALL, but you should know that you’re not alone in what you are feeling. You’re entitled to grieve in your own way, for as long as you need.
i wrote this 1 year after my mom died. it was my year of firsts….it was my worst year. its been three years now….i still think of her everyday…i don’t cry as much. hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you…
My Year of Firsts
I have always thought of the “Year of Firsts” as happy events. Celebrating a baby’s first year, first holidays, first smile, first step – all are great and memorable firsts. The same could be said for your first year of marriage. Those shared events and milestones are priceless and should be cherished. I have never really experienced a true “Year of Firsts” that I could call my own. I have shared first years with friends and family involving their marriages and the birth of their children but because I have not been blessed with either, I have been a mere spectator.
My “Year of Firsts” started June 3, 2005. It has been heartbreaking and difficult. It’s an experience I wish I could say made me stronger, but in reality, it’s left me weak and vulnerable. My Mother died that spring day and I would start my “Year of Firsts” during her favorite season.
I have survived my first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years without my Mom. New Years was particularly difficult because it brought back memories of Sue and I speaking on New Years Eve 2004. We shared our dread knowing that we would both would loose our mothers in 2005. Sue’s mom was diagnosed with cancer just a few months earlier and her prognosis was not good. We hoped that we were wrong, but all signs pointed to the inevitable. So on New Years Eve 2005, in my “Year of Firsts”, we reminisced about our shared loss and how we wished we had been wrong.
My Mom and I were not “best friends” like some mothers and daughters claim. She was my mother and acted as such. She told me if I was behaving badly or looked disheveled. She especially hated my gray hair!! You would think I would not miss her scolding me, but I do. My Mother was my cornerstone. During our daily telephone calls we exchanged the mundane, what we had for lunch, what was on TV and general aches and pains. I miss not only our long distance conversations but I miss combing her hair, sitting with her at the kitchen table and shopping for two of her favorite things, candy and books. I have yet been able to go into a bookstore and not cry…then laugh, knowing how ridiculous I am!
My home is filled with memories of my Mom. I have photos of her in your youth, depicting her strong and unencumbered by paralysis. One of my favorite mementos is a framed “piece of art” holding fabric squares of her housedresses, the ones that she wore everyday. The brightly colored mosaic is a constant reminder of her sprit.
I have limped through this year marking each day off with a proverbial black “X” and praying that my feelings of sorrow will be less with each passing day. What I have found as my “Year of Firsts” comes to a close is that my heart has a huge hole that cannot be filled. I have come to terms that the hole will remain empty and it’s okay.
Peace Jennifer.
Rosie O’Donnell once said that all of her memories of life are filed away in exactly two mental compartments: before her mother died, and then after.
Jennifer, you share your feelings so gracefully.. I could never explain it the way you do. Thank you.
hang in there, jenn. many of us have been through exactly what you are going through and we know how much it hurts. everyone who loves you is there for you and you were very lucky to have a matriarch like bunny to show you the way and lead by example. tiny steps will lead to giant ones.
((((HUGS))) The sudden bouts of crying interspersed with moments of normalcy are just that – normal. Cry when you need to, but don’t feel guilty for laughing, your Mom would want you to.
XOXOXOXOXO
oh sweet jennifer. what to say? what to say? you look beautiful in the picture sitting at the bar!
Jen – I lost my father 2 months ago….I totally understand what you’re going through. There are times when I just want to call him and ask him a question, or hear his voice. Dad was the center of our family, like your mom was. I too cry all the time….life without Dad has been very hard for me these past 2 months. People say it gets better. I don’t think it ever will. Keep blogging – talking about it helps. Don’t ever not talk about it, writing and talking does help. Love, Liz
the images will never fade but the crying will eventually. cry and if anyone says something or looks at you weird that is their problem. they just do not understand. going to LA was a GOOD THING! Alexis is a good friend.
Seriously Jennifer
You and your family need to get a book together about BUNNY
put all your thoughts in it ans even
if it only seels copies for the family that is ok…
love you ladies!
write a book for Bunny and all the good works she did….
the best to you and yours like i said before you need to get some of her pics and a piece of her jewelry and make a rset neckalce or ring?
a band/something?
how about melting down a gold necklace and get some jeweler to make the family teardrops from it?
With her birthstone in them?
then you all can carry her with you always?her spirit in her jewelery?
Hi Jennifer
Again, normal. You’re in shock and will be for some time. I used to cry in stores, too, and years later still get teary sometimes with a memory, and sometimes still really cry. Eventually, after a couple of years, when I started feeling better and less crushed, the guild would start, like the pain should never, ever go away, but it has to. We have to heal and you will. Everything you’re experiencing is to be expected, and I do understand. It will get better.
Go buy the book “Angelspeake”. It will teach you to communicate with your Mom. She’s still alive, she’s just on the other side now.
I’m glad you are on your trip. You deserve it and hopefully it clears your head a bit. And i’m glad you wrote on your blog. I was worried that some ingrates had given you a bad taste from their negative comments, and those of us who love and appreciate it would suffer because of those. Very nice to hear from you chickie.
really miss the show. my daughter & I went to see Mamma Mia on Monday. I think you will like it if you haven’t seen it yet. we both thought it was great!!! very uplifting…which I really needed this week.Youy sound like you are doing better…what a relief!!
You look really thin in the pics. Hope that helps get a smile.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with grieving. It means a lot to me. The fact that you can’t just call your mom and talk to her sounds like a terrible feeling. I don’t look forward to that. I’m so grateful that you keep in contact via the blog. I read your facebook thing and I totally agree about flying and xanax. It is an effing lifesaver! I just flew yesterday from Seattle, and on xanax I find the turbulence amusing. That would never happen without it. I’m thinking about you.
Jennifer,
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Sometimes you’ll laugh or cry and you’ll have no control when it hits. The trip out west is good for you. It gives you a chance to get out of an environment where everything was reminding you of your mom.
Things will get better as time passes. Right now, you may think they won’t but they will. You’re truly a wonderful person. You don’t need me to tell you that, but I can tell from listening to the show, that you’re caring and sensitive and a great friend.
Ken
Jennifer, everything you are thinking, feeling,wishing, is all real. The uncontrolable crying is going to happen. Let it happen. Then there are going to be times when you think of something about your mom, and you are going to start laughing about it. And probably cry at the same time as well. Let it happen. Stuffing your emotions down, and not letting them out is not good. I hope you have found someone to talk to about what you are going through. And if they are helping you in any way, TAKE THE MEDICATION. Our thoughts are always with you. Can’t wait to hear your girls’ voices on air again. Your fans do miss you.
I am just so sorry. I’ve never read such a perfect description of what it’s like to lose a parent. I am really very sorry.
My brother Todd died 10 years ago May 16, 1998. For the first 6 months after his death I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t work, I would go to his grave and lay on top of him hoping some how I would get relief from the pain I felt so deeply. Yes I saw a pshyciatrisit, but other than give me drugs their wasn’t much he could do. I remember my husband and I were in London the following Feb. and out of the blue I stopped talking to him. I was so mad that I was having a good time with him and couldn’t share it with Todd that I made the trip miserable for him and I. He tried so hard to make me happy, we went shopping to all the great stores and he just tryed to get me out of this terrible mood.All I can say is that it’s been 10 years and I am finally able to deal with him being gone. I don’t go to the graves, it’s just too painful for me. But I do think of him almost every day now and when I have a problem or I lost something or something happens like my mom being sick I call upon him. I will actually yell at him. When my mom had her MI, I said to him “You take her away from me and I’ll spit on your grave better yet I’ll dig you up, so leave her with me, you have daddy and most everyone else.” I am so empathetic to you Jennifer, I know how hard it is. As I and others have said, it takes time, not a week or two but time. For me it was years. I hope the saddness and the grief does not last that long for you. My best to you. Remember if I can be of any helpto you at any time just let me know. Amy
My mom died 12 years ago, she was also the glue that kept the family together, and was active in the Jewish community. There are still Friday afternoons that I will go and call her…you will learn to live with this, give yourself the time that is needed and to grieve-there is no right or wrong way.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, reach out to others, they will be there to listen and to help you.
For what it’s worth, you look GREAT in the picture asociated with this blog entry!
I have been reading your beautiful prose about your mother.It is so touching and allows many of us who don’t know you personally to apply what you are thinking to our lives. For some reason it seems to allow us in this forum to try to help you. Grief is so exhausting. There is absolutely no replacement for your loss, but I wonder if your mother had a dear friend who shares similar qualities? If there is someone like that I bet she would be great to commiserate with and also giggle about shared experiences. I am sure many of your mother’s friends are hurting, too. Being as intelligent as you are I am confident that you will find the path that is correct for you.
It will be a happy day when we read that you are feeling better.
How was Mossa? What did you eat? Cant wait for a live show. miss you guys! Stay strong Jennifer!
Good Day Jennifer,
We miss you, Alexis and the show. Please know that we all love you guys and we wish the best for your family. However, don’t make us suffer with more way old re-runs…We need you kids back on the air….enjoy L.A. come home soon!!
Jen, I couldn’t fall asleep until 5 a.m. each morning…which is the hour when my dad died. This went on for 6 months. I would start crying at the most insane places…the supermarket, a department store in response to a question that was totally unrelated from strangers. I was sharing my grief with people I never met and would probably never see again. The not normal is the normal for a while because you really are living in a state of disbelief…everything seems surreal…you just will feel different and out of your element for what seems like forever. Don’t be hard on yourself. There really is never any decent explanation for the suffering people endure. Your mother didn’t deserve to endure such pain. There are no answers. But the love your mother had for you will live in your heart forever and in time the good memories will take over. Jen talk about your mother with your children…keep her memory alive for them always.
Hey Jenn,
Guess what? Having been there too I can tell you that it’s neither….it’s just part of the process. It takes time but the darkness does lift. You will have times going forward that will be happy and more that are sad. It’s all good. I wanted to call the other day to tell you though….you will have alot of “firsts” without your Mom….birthdays and of course the holidays. So get ready to hold on to your hat again sweety. But I promise, it’s going to be ok.
ciao,
debs
Great that you got away, it does help. You can’t avoid the process for long however, the grief will find you. I am sorry it hurts so much, I can relate. I lost my mom last August and it still hurts although I cry less. But at very random moments, like at the grocery store or while I am alone in the car. We are with you…chin up you are doing great.
xoxo
Mica
Dear Sweet Jennifer,
What a beautiful picture! I have to commend you for sharing with us. I hope you find it helpful. We lost our beautiful, baby boy (19months) almost 8 yrs ago-it doesn’t get better it just gets different. You learn to live with life the way it is now. It sucks, but you learn to cope and day by day the clouds will lift. But what you’re experiencing now is so normal-this is so fresh and painful. The healing process will take time and it’s very difficult. Cry where you want to and laugh as much as you can-there are no rule books! (It’s very odd, but I too recently had a good cry in the middle of a jewelry store on our little guy’s birthday.) I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts…xoxoxo
Jennifer, your reactions are totally understandable. This is all so new to you that you are bound to have a range of emotions. I don’t think that you should try and supress anything…..live your life and feel whatever comes naturally. I realize that we don’t really know you, but we truly do care.
I lost my grandmother this past March. I find myself missing her at the oddest times, like seeing a piece of jewelry she’d like, or seeing that a movie we saw together is playing on TV. Her house was directly between mine and my father’s (40 minutes away from each). I have driven past it exactly once since the funeral, to visit my dad. I think he has passed it only once or twice -once to visit me (which is probably even harder for him than it is for me). The best shopping in the area is within a 10 mile radius of her house…and I used to love to drive up and do a little shopping, visit her, take her out to lunch or a movie. Now, I avoid those malls as much as possible. I recently needed to go to the area for something unavoidable and dreaded it…but I found I could smile through the tears and remember the good times. There were definitely more tears (crying now even thinking about it) than smiles, but still. It has taken me this long to even be able to drive past her house. I was fairly close with her, but no where near as close as you and your mother. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you feel…you are so brave. We are all here for you.
OMG Jennifer you look soooo skinny in that pic!
My grandfather passed away on 7/11 from colon cancer. My grandmother and I were at the hospital with him every day, so I can totally relate to your frustration, sadness, anger, EVERYTHING. Sometimes, I wanted to scream and pull my hair out. Other times, I wanted to crumble into a heap on the floor and sob. My grandfather was the only father figure I had, and I still can’t believe that he’s gone. Like you, I can only take it day by day. It’s so strange b/c there are moments when I feel normal again. Then, BAM, I suddenly remember he’s gone and it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. I just hope I can go through this with as much grace as I can muster right now. I wish you the best, too.
so not thin!
just good camera angles…really.
xxx
Jennifer cry when you want to, but after awhile people might not understand your pain/ or crying. So go into the shower turn on some music and sob and sing your heart out, then come out with blood shot eyes and tell everyone you got soap in them. Also your friend was correct, no family is ever the same after your Mom dies, the dynamic completely changes. But remember that doesn’t have to be a bad thing Bunny taught you a lot, use it, you can be happy again. This is coming from someone who knows how painful it is to loose a loved ones. Take care, love what you have now and make the best of it. /That is what your Mom would want for you.
I cry every day too but wait ,I live with Satan and Willy Wonka, so my crying isn’t normal, it’s just pathetic.
Shit, did I get on the wrong blog again?
Sorry, never mind. Someone’s gonna get fired for this… DAAAADY! SOMEONE PUT MY LEAPFROG ON THE WRONG BLOG AGAAAAIN!
tom: “GODDAMN IT KATIE, IF YOU’D QUIT WORK LIKE I’VE BEEN PROGRAMMING YOU TO DO FOR YEARS OUR DAUGHTER WOULDN’T BE READING WHATEVER THIS BULLSHIT IS, what? It’s what? Well she DOESN’T NEED to know how to live like normal people, that’s what she’s got ME for!! Now there are TWENTY FOUR people watching her constantly all day long, can SOMEone make sure that the only link her Leapfrog can activate is the Church of Freaks and tomcruisesucksdicks.com?”
katie: “um Mr. Cruise? Leapfrog is just a toy, it’s not a real computer and there really is no internet possibility soooo, could you tell the twenty four people watching our daughter to keep her out of your office, especially when your computer is on and you’ve left websites up that you don’t want her to look at? K, thanks. Oh, and Mr. Cruise? now I understand what Nicole meant…”
You have put into words the same feelings that I had before and after losing my beloved mother. She was 93 yrs. old when she passed and I feel so lucky to have had her with me for such a long time. It has almost been a year since I lost her and the tears can still come easily thinking about her. It is getting easier and it will for you also. I love how you can put your feelings out for all to read.
It’s called NORMAL, sweetie. All of us who have lost a parent have been there, and it sucks it. bad. You WILL be ok. Hang in, darling. xoxoxo
Come back here more often! great humour!
Jennifer, Believe it or not, all this crying is good. You are allowing yourself to feel the pain and are expressing it. This will help you to heal. You’ve just been through the most difficult experience, so go easy on yourself.
The trip was a good thing for you. That Alexis is an awesome friend. :o)
I’ve been w/out Sirius for a week! Ugh! Feel like I’ve missed so much. Will be tuned back in this p.m., YEAH!
Take care.
Jennifer, Bless your heart honey, you are diunf so good. I know it is hard,My sister ans I losy our momma 6 yrs ago and we were very close like you and yours, cry whenever and wherever you want to and if any one stares at you,tell them to go in the bathroom and stare at themselves, or tell them you are out out of hormones and have a gun(haha), But always remember this ” through the storm, you do not walk alone”God is with you and if he brought you to it he will bring you through it, this I know for sure because he brought me through the worst thing a girl can go through, the loss of her mother. My momma used to say, Honey pull yourself up by your boot straps and keep on going. She was an amazing woman,wife,mother and friend, just like I know Bunny was. I believe that heaven is such a beautiful place that if we could ask them to come back to us on earth, they would say no. My love and prayers are with you and your family
Amy
Thanks! I got Oscar De La Renter pullups
on! katie: “suuuuriii, it’s RentA, remember?” oh yeah, Suri bad, I go back to my closet now mommy? Katie: “no baby, your daddy’s gone today so it’s ok this time.” OK, I just gonna talk to my friends now. katie: “oh how sweet, she has imaginary friends.” Imaginary my ass. Computer: “hiiii Suriiii, come plaaaay with usssss” Wow it’s pretty in here! What are POP-TARTS? computer: “that’s right Suuurrii, weeee have poooop-taaaarts, you waaaaant one?” I’m scared, who are you? computer: “we’re your friiiiends Suriii, we won’t huuuurrrt you” Hee hee Suri tooted! Me like you, you make Suri laugh, I don’t laugh here. computer: “cause your daaaaady’s a duuumbaaasss Suurrriii” Tom: “Suri, what are you doing in here? What has daddy told you about playing at his desk?” Daddy, what’s a Pop-Tart? Tom: “oh Suri, the things you make up in your mind, there’s no such thing as Pop-Tarts!” well daddy, what’s a Jew? Tom: “dear god child! What is happening to you? Where did you hear that word? Tell daddy where you heard that word! KATIE!! OH god Katie, it’s happening, my worst fear is coming true, KATIE?!” Daddy? Who’s Martha Stewart? Tom: “Suri? Su su Suri? Suri can you hear me? It’s daddy, Suri, you’re speaking absurd things, Suri? Katie, there’s bugs crawling on the walls, oh my god they’re all over me! Katie! Get em off! Get em OFF! Katie: “tom, what the fuck? Get off that couch, what have I told you about jumping on the fucking furniture?” Tom: “but Katie, you didn’t hear her, she was speaking some language I don’t know, it was evil Katie but you didn’t hear it.” Hi mommy, I’m playing dolls, will you play with me? Katie: “tom, give it up, jesus you’re not in front of a camera all the time, quit it.” Tom:”you’re right, I guess it’s jet lag.” Katie:”I’m taking Suri to put her down for her nap.” Tom:”ok, baby, have a good nap.” REDRUM,REDRUM….
Jen, It will get better , The first holiday will be the worst. when my mom died we planted a rose tree on christmas to celebrate her life. You should plant a tree or something on chanukah so you can remember your mom. I promise after the first of every holliday or birthday it will get better as time goes on. Take care my friend and I send you a big hug of support and love
Daphne
Just so you know we are having a teribble thunderstrom here in the tirstate area. Nice for you to be in sunny LA. I thought about you and I just thought it would be good for you if you looked up soom or a few, 1 or 2 friends you have in L.A. It might be really good to talk with them or even cry. You may want to think about that a little more than just not letting them know you are in L.A. Amy
Oh, for got one other thing. I hope that Alexis is working out with you everyday. It really helps with the depression and the mind set of the whole grieving process.Just something that has helped for me in the past and I hope you will at least try it. All my best to you Jennifer and like my mom says to me,”Try and have a good time and just let yourself free your mind as best as you can.” Amy
The world has a hole in it,it should not still be spinning but it is. I had a feeling of being orphaned,completly disconnected from every thing. No anchor! Everything is just off kilter,but gradually it rites itself and everything gets back to a new normal.But nothing will ever be the same,but it will be ok. Time is the only cure for the heartach.
My cousin lost her husband of 18 years last October to an aggressive colon cancer. He went to the emergency room one day and a week later he was gone. He was only 37. She had spent most of her life married to him and even now, she still doesn’t know how to go on the rest of her life without him.It’s a day by day thing. You get up in the morning and you just face the day with good thoughts of just making it through the next day. Like everyone said above…cry, cry, cry. Eventually you won’t cry as often but I don’t know if that emotion goes away. I’ve never lost a parent, but my mother in law died 3 years ago. It took my husband a long time to get out a depression that almost ended our marriage. He was in denial and wouldn’t get help. At least you aren’t denying any of it. When you face it head on like you are and especially in the public eye, I think it will save you from the deep depression. It’s only been 2 weeks. Give yourself a break. Hugs to you. Glad you’re live today.
Jennifer: That’s a really good pic of you 🙂
To Suri Cruise: Tom would never, ever call his wife Katie. He changed her name to Kate.
Jen: I’ve missed hearing you!!!
You’re still in the fresh grieving process, hun. Don’t try too hard to be strong or to feel ‘normal’. Let the tears flow if you need to.
Missed some of the show today, but good to hear your voice. Also, just accessed your blog for the 1st time in several days. I’ve been very busy. Just wanted to say that the photo of you at the bar at Mozza — you look beautiful! I hope you are able to enjoy your beauty. You are self-deprecating but I knew you were pretty from other photographs (even though you are weird Jennifer) but this photo is particularly engaging. Thank you for the update about your feelings and sharing it with your fans. Still thinking of you every day even though I haven’t been able to listen to everything and haven’t had time to read all of the blog comments. I love the connection and think of you often.
please stop talking to my child or I’ll have you all removed from the face of the earth, yeah, I can pretty much do that, I know people. And you’re right Jules, I did change my wife’s name but it’s Lori now, not Kate or Katie, sounded to immature to be Tom’s wife and the whole Tomkat thing was getting out of hand and the church didn’t really like that either.
My father died 3 years ago and this still happens to me all the time. I can talk about the fact that he is dead, but I can’t talk about the person he was or how he died. I don’t know when or if it ever gets better when you lose a parent that you are/were really close to.
you looked very pretty in the piccy at the bar at mozza. (i’ve been there! loved it!)have fun in vegas and if you cry intermittently don’t worry about it.
And, he changed Nicole Kidman’s name to “Nic” and Penelope Cruz’ name to “Penny”. The dude is just scaaary…
You look fantastic!
Jennifer……
You look beautiful!!
you look absolutely beautiful jennifer =)
did you ever see barbara streisand on oprah? the whole white microphone show? she went on this rant against the color orange. how much she hated it and how when she is in her malibu house she cannot look out the windows and see any orange in her landscape, anywhere, ever. she talked about how she was in nyc and her assistant had put beautiful flowers on the terrace and they had ORANGE in them and she went ballistic. it was so bizarre it was great.
How’s your dad holding up, Jen?