yeah yeah… i know. it’s enough already.
who wants to hear anymore about my sadness. i’m even bored by it.
but it’s there.
and this week has been so hard with the press surrounding "whatever, martha!".
i would just LOVE to hear my mother’s take on the whole thing.
and i need her.
but i have to get over that too.
at least i can still hear her voice in my mind and i have tapes of her from when she called into our show. but it is so not the same as really hearing her.
for a brief moment last week i felt some relief that my mom is no longer suffering.
but that brief moment was replaced again by the sadness.
i am struggling.
it’s normal i suppose.
but it is not fun.
we talked on the show today about a gratitude list so here goes…
1. i’m grateful for my kids and keith.
2. i’m grateful for the close relationship i have with my brother, sister and father (and extended family).
3. i’m grateful for the support of my good friends and my mothers good friends.
4. i’m grateful to have a job i LOVE.
6. i’m grateful to have my dog hazel hutt who doesn’t care how often i cry.
7. i’m grateful i’ve got a roof over my head.
8. i’m grateful for the listeners who make me feel safe each afternoon on the radio.
9. i’m grateful that even during this painful time in my life i can still laugh.
people keep telling me that at some point i will be able to feel my mother. i will know she’s around me. hasn’t happened yet.
xxx
jennifer
aim:whateverradio
facebook: jennifer koppelman hutt
Jen,
You should talk to Mary O on the Stars channel. She will give you a message from your mom. I know it sounds crazy, but Mary is really amazing, and maybe she can help you.
Jennifer, you mom is with you. Trust in that…you will feel her presence when you are ready…when you least expect it..it will happen. From my experiences, it will happen when you have come to terms with your grief and are able to let her go..it’s the hardest thing you will ever have to do…but love her enough to let her go…then she will be free to come to you.
I know it seems like an eternity, but it has only been a month since your mom’s passing. Time…give it time. When my dad passed it took about 2 years for me to be able to handle it. It will get easier as time goes on. Save those tapes…I wish I had some of my dad’s voice.
My father died when I was a teenager. A few days after my 40th birthday, I picked up a random book of my fathers – and out fell a 2 page handwritten letter he wrote when I was only 10 years old. In it he told me that if I ever found this letter, it meant that he was just reminding me to always do the right thing, be sure to take care of my mom and that I would be just fine in life.
So yeah…you never know when you’ll feel your mom and in what form. But it can happen. Hugs.
Glad that you have a gratitude list. Yes you will want to pick up the phone tell your Mom about something, then wonder if you are nuts. Its just all a
part of the process. Give it time, I hate the phrase “Time heals all” it doesn’t it, just eases the pain. Take care
My Dad died 6 years ago and I didn’t feel him around me for almost 2 years. I knew he was there, but I was just so filled with loss that I couldn’t feel him. Fast forward 6 years later and I can feel him so strongly around me now that I get goose bumps. He was my best friend and mentor when he was alive, and even more so now that he’s in spirit because I know that he has become my guardian angel. This feeling will come for you too, it just takes time–which is easier said than done. I too started seeing a psychic medium after my Dad died (something I thought I’d NEVER do because I’m so skeptical and think there are a lot of phonies out there, but I was desperate to reconnect to with him.). I was able to find several really reputable mediums in my area who were able to connect me with my Dad because they said things to me that were so very specific that a stranger would never know. Going that route is a very personal decision and whether you choose to do that or not, please take comfort in the fact that whatever your faith or beliefs are your Mom is with you every day smiling, filled with joy, and connected to you in a deeper way now than even when she was here physically. You may want to check out some of John Edward’s books (the Medium–not the politican.. lol). Some of his books and other’s on the after life comforted me and maybe they will for you too. Many hugs.
jenny-My wife lost her mother last June to breast cancer. Your emotions are exactly how she felt during the first few weeks following her death. She was glad that she was no longer suffering, but where is she?? Can she hear me? See me? Where is she right now??? It took a good 4 or 5 months but slowly she began talking about her w/o the sad voice, the crying. She says she feels her presence every single day now, and it’s very comforting to her. I know you’ve heard it all before, but it really does just take some time. Keep busy, try to smile a lot. Great things are happening in your life, and she’s proud of you.
hey jen, just take your time grieving….it’s still so new….there is no time limit on “when” you will be okay or will stop feeling sad. talking and writing about it helps…so, good for you for doing that. botteling all the saddness up would not be healthy. your listeners love you and are all thinking of you and will listen, laugh, cry..ect.ect. with you through it all…good times, bad times, sad times….you name it…we are so there. : )
Hang in there Jen, I didn’t think I would make it through but I did. Feels like the world should stop but everyone just keeps moving and they just don’t get what has just happened to you. It’s tough but you will have so much empathy for those who lose loved ones. I certainly do now. You will get better but it won’t happen for awhile…
Jennifer, You will ALWAYS need her. It is a painfully sad time for you and your family.There are so many things you can be grateful for, but you will still feel the pain of missing your Mom and that is just a hurt that will always be hard to deal with.I feel/mourn for you and all the motherless…My heart genuinely aches for you and your family. Although the pain lessens after a while, it will always linger.There is no “right” way. Do whatever you can to get yourself through this difficult time.(((Jennifer)))
Jennifer, you are only given what you can handle and carry. Stop looking back, live, laugh, cry, love ones come only when you are at the worst point in your life and think you may not go on. Mom will be there to hold you up and you’ll hear her, I promise.
Oh god Jennifer, I so wish I could make all of this easier for you.
Jen,
You are doing SOOOOOO well with everything. I can tell that you are doing better, but I know it still hurts and will for a long, long time. I can’t imagine losing my mother and how hard it would be. I am proud of you. Keep on doing what you’re doing and you’ll be just fine. Take good care of yourself, too. Love ya!!
Hi Jen,
My heart breaks for you, because I know how you feel. My 49 year old mother died 12 years ago from cancer. I have a strong faith and was praying and just asking God to give me some sign that she was ok (sounds strange I know), Well the next morning I am getting dressed to go to work and I walked into our dining room and propped up against the chair was a board game the we had called “Safely Home”, I just fell apart!! The game was tucked away in the closet, I used it years prior when I taught school, had not seen it in years!! There have been many other little things over the years that have helped me!!! Be grateful for the fact that your mom had an influence on your children, my mom never met my 2 daughters. Hang on and pray!!
Jennifer,
You don’t have to “get over” needing your mom. There are a lot of things that you will get past, but needing Bunny won’t be one of them. I’m don’t have a relationship at all with my mother, but I still need a mom. Everyone does no matter what, and no matter how old you get. I’m so sorry that you’re still going through this,and no-one is bored by your pain. It will get better, but it hasn’t been that long, even though I’m sure it feels like an eternity to you. So don’t worry. Let us know when you need us, and as you can see, the support is still there.
You’re doing an amazing job!
Jennifer it’s not enough already you keep writing and talking about your mom as often as you need to. I love reading your thoughts on your mom and i love this side of you. I love the gratefullness of your dog for not caring how much you cry. That made my eyes well up, so get it out as much as you need to.
Jen, I have a gratitude list and you and Alexis are on it. Just think of the people you are helping get through hard times by being yourselves and making people laugh everyday. Your program gives me two hours where I don’t have to think of anything else that’s going on in my life and I’m very grateful for that! So hang in there, it will take time but you will feel better!
10. You have kick-ass beautiful hair.
jennifer ~ you will always need your mother…and when you need her most, she will be there for you. (((hugs)))
Sweet Jen
Put something of your mom’s on… a ring, bracelet or necklace. Something she often wore and loved. Wear it all the time. You will feel her and she will soon come to you.. It works for me with my mom. I understand your pain & emptiness. Bunny’s energy will soon be with you.
xox
You may not feel her until you are sleeping quite soundly one night. At some point you’ll probably have a dream where you are both talking about things…it will feel as real as anything you’ve ever experienced and will be pretty amazing.
I really like and appreciate your gratitude list, especially #9.
I’m not bored by your sadness…I only wish you weren’t going through this in the first place. For goodness sakes it’s only been a month…you shouldn’t expect this to be done with that soon! Take your time and express yourself however it helps you. If people don’t want to hear about it…they don’t have to read the blog!
Hang in there Jennifer. It does suck. It gets easier with time, but will always suck. My dad has been gone for 15 years and I still miss him We don’t mind you writing and talking about your mom. It’s where you are and we understand.
Don’t feel like it’s “enough already” because what you are feeling is real, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. That’s the point of your blog; your thoughts! I think it lets all of us, who are going through a similar loss, know that what we are feeling is “normal” too. Crappy as it is!
Jennifer: I feel your pain so much. I lost my mother in Jan. 2005 whom I was extremely close to. I had lost my father 3 weeks prior to my Mom’s death. They were married 60+ years. Everyone kept telling me she died of a broken heart and needed to be with my father.
It is still very difficult for me. I think about them both everyday. It is true about you feeling your mother’s presence. We both read the same Danielle Steele books at the same time and I miss our daily discussions.We would always ask each other “how’s your book?” Well, 2 days after her funeral I was on line at a fast food restaurant and had my Danielle Steele book in my hand. A woman on line said to me “How’s Your Book?’ I said it was ok and asked her if she read it and she replied ” I don’t read at all but something inside me told me to ask you how your book was”. All I could say was oh! I knew that was my mother communicating with me.
A week later my new car was making a noise like something was loose inside the dash board and I would hear something slide back and forth when I made a turn. I looked all over for it and couldn’t find it. In my family anytime one of us got a new car we would put money in the glove compartment for luck. I did find money in my glove compartment and realized that my mother was the only person who sat in the passenger’s seat since I got the car. She must have slipped it in there. When I found it and realized it was she who must have done it I felt this pressure lift off my shoulders. I felt like she had her 2 hands on my shoulders and then let go! I smiled to myself and then she was gone and I never felt her presence again. But I do know she will always be with me.
Tears still come to my eyes when I think of her and things we’ve shared. Everyone says it gets easier. It has but not too much.
Your Mom will always be with you. Take care
You just sound so sad, Jennifer. Sad, sad, sad. How is your dad doing? That poor, poor man.
11. you are brave enough to share what you feel and ask for help instead of burying it and not facing reality. you may not feel your mom with you right now, but you have the same fight and bravery in you that she had. let yourself get lost in the little moments of being a mom to your kids…she will be waiting for you there.
Right now I am worried we will be drawn into the damn GEORGIA &RUSSIAN
conflict…
damn it never ends…
Maybe you need some time off to face it head on for a while?
NO shows no LV nothing just you and the family?
Before school starts again?
Light a white candle, close your eyes and picture your mom’s face in your mind. Then talk to her for only about one minute or a minute and a half. A very gifted psychic gave me this advice and it worked for me.
People told me that about my dad, too. 7 years later I still don’t feel anything – not even at the grave site, not even in the house he lived in. Sad, but true. But life does go one and time makes it a lot easier – and the oddest times and things (like the email your sister rec’d the other day from someone she knew decades ago) help you smile even though your loved one isn’t here and makes you realize that others miss them, too.
when you have time alone to yourself, sit inside of a closet or some QUIET place, close your eyes and picture your mom in your head. Not your mom when she was ill, but your healthy, funny, vibrant mom. Ask her to give you a sign that she is OK and believe me, you will get one. It may sound a little New-Age or whatever, but it works! And if I may speak for all your listeners, we are HONORED you think we make you feel safe! Just be yourself, no matter what!
I love Bronze/silver/gold shoes of any kind…
they kinda look like moon boots?
Oh Jennifer, I have tears in my eyes and heart for you. Amy
I love when you blog and if it is about your sadness, then it’s about your sadness. If people are sick of it then they won’t read it. I’m grateful that you share what you do.
Depressed/
Maybe you could just stop in and talk to a person dr who could help??
You are so depressed please go see a shrink…
i heard you laughing on the show yesterday on the show and i thought good for her (also teared up) from experience-you have a long row to hoe! stay close with your family and friends and hazel who understands more than you know (i have 2 poodles) God Bless You All and Hang in There I was hoping your Mother was able to view some of the shows you and Alexis recorded Take Care
Jen,
I can’t help you, but I CAN say that I LOVE you on the radio. Your giggle is contagious and your underlying grief in a strange way seems to have given you a stronger sense of self. I hear you loud and clear embracing the nerd-girl part of yourself without shame. I love that about you. Wear those silver uggs PROUD!
I lost my mom 12 years ago and it still hurts today. You will never ever “get over it”. One thing that helped me was a book called Motherless Daughters. It was a very special and healing book…
Hi Jennifer,
I know how you feel and what you are going through. It is all part of the healing process. Whether you feel your mom or not she is around you and she is looking out for you and your family, friends etc. The grieving takes a long time. It has been almost 17 months since my dad died and I know he has been my guardian angel. I am going to be starting a scrapbook of him some day soon and also will be dedicating a space for him and my mom when I move. The memories will stay with you forever and you always be loved by her no matter what. I hope your dad and family are doing ok. Take care. Love reading your blogs.
what a princess you are! attention, attention, attention — grieving? getting married in Vegas? approval , you need approval. your poor father – you never once mentioned him.
you’re getting to be like AS
Jennifer – it just sucks, plain and simple. Even after loosing my mother five and a half years ago when I think I’m ok, I find myself getting emotional by something someone says that reminds me of her. The most amazing thing happened to me about 3 years ago. I was traveling with my family on business – my son was just six months old. In this city far from my home I had this deam where my mother was there in my home town at a party when I walked up to her and she said “…let me see that Wyatt, he is just wonderful…” I immediately woke up and had the most eary and excited feeling that she was really there with me talking to me about this little boy that she had never had the chance to meet – she had passed away 2 years prior. Up to that point I never felt her presence. After that time I feel her with me always. Maybe it is a figment of my imagination but the dream was so real it was amazing. You will feel her sometime probably when you least expect it.
Don’t be critical of how you mourn. We are all different and it takes time to mourn and in the process we feel horrible. Disregard those wack jobs who make negative comments about what you are going through. They also suck!!!
Jenny!
I know losing an uncle is not the same but I want to relate this story to you regarding feeling your mom around you.
My uncle died when I was 23 and I remember going to his funeral and crying and hearing his voice in my head (not in a creepy, schizophrenic way) saying, “what are you crying for?! Stop it!”
That was the first- granted that was probably just me.
The next time I felt him was on my next birthday. I smelled Cherry Pipe Tobacco in my apartment, maybe by coincidence but that is what he smoked, and I was in my bedroom looking for something to wear for the next day.
From under one of my drawers fell a card from him from my last birthday…. I know it said something like, “Always thinking of you…”
I sat down and cried for hours.
Things happen in weird ways and whether or not they are chance or planned, they happen in the most opportune times.
You’ll feel her. I feel him sometimes; I feel my grandmother sometimes. Hell, maybe it’s just me wishing but it makes me feel better and that’s all that matters.
I CANNOT even imagine what it’s like to lose your mother and I don’t know what in the world I will do when I lose mine but I do know that life goes on after this and she’s not in pain anymore and she still loves you and can still hear you when you talk to her.
If you have to pretend to hear her responses, ok…. but still talk to her. She can hear you.
HUGS JENNY! And get those Silver UGGS and wear them with pride, dammit!
(((HUGS))) Susannah
Jennifer,
Do not worry about how you feel or how long it takes. It has been 3 years 5 months since I lost my mom. The pain never goes away, but it subsides. Keep doing what you are doing- always laugh. That has been my motto. You will feel your mom and hear her voice.
Thalia (above) can just jump off a roof! Noone knows what it is like until one goes through it. Take care and feel what you have to feel. Feelings are neither right nor wrong; just are.
You and Alexis make me laugh each day- this is on my gratitude list. Thank you for talking about your grief- it has helped me.
12. and you can dance….
p.s. who invited thalia?
Jennifer, you express your feelings so beautifully. Thank your for sharing them with all of us.
Jennifer excuse the language, but fuck you Thaila(and by the way what kinda name is that you granny). She just lost her mom and of course it’s all about her you DOUCHE!!!! One thing i think you should speak on Jennifer is your dad because folks have noticed that you haven’t mentioned your dad through this terrible time and of course you know people are gonna assume. It’s absolutely none of our business, but you do pretty much put it all out there, so i think that’s why we are wondering about your dad. Love ya Jen
Jennifer-please do not apologize for your blog entries! You have every right to put whatever you want in here. I can only imagine that writing here is helping you with your grieving process. I know it is going to be a long, hard road-but keep plugging through and write whatever makes you feel better! Also, I have to say that whenever I hear you and Alexis bring up the negative comments on your blog I want to call in and tell you both to IGNORE them! These people are just attention whores and you are giving them what they want by discussing their comments on the air! Who gives a crap about them??? You girls are awesome-your loyal listeners all know that!
Hang in there babe!
My Mom just passed away on Aug. 3rd. It’s hard and the sadness comes in waves. Too much to deal with and it’s overwhelming at times. I understand what you are going through. I wish I didn’t but I do.
We know your dad (and why does no one ask how your brother, sister, kids, nieces, nephews, aunts or uncles are dealing with this) is obviously saddened by losing his wife, you don’t owe anyone the details of a private grief. YOUR’s is public because you choose to write or speak about it to thousands of people you don’t know and we appreciate that “real” person we hear every day. I think some people are thinking it’s selfish that it’s only about you on this blog, oh wait, did someone just scream at the top of their lungs “because IT IS HER FUCKING BLOG?” that’s kinda what I assumed as well. You do what you feel comfortable doing but if your whole family wanted their feelings strung out over the internet then I think they would each have their own respective blogs – then the assholes that bash you all the time could have a whack at them too. I don’t mean that no one on here has the right to ask how Jennifer’s whomever is, I just mean that it’s perfectly fine for her to answer “they’re doing fine” or “they’re getting through” and it be left at that. She doesn’t owe it to us to say “omg, my dad breaks down every day” or “so and so can’t even walk in a certain room at their house” – she blogs about Jennifer because that’s just how it is, so get over it. If you don’t want to read all about JENNIFER then go away. Sorry, I’m hungover…
Jenny, it’s YOUR party and you can cry if you want to… 😉
Go easy on yourself. Crying is ok. Sadness is ok. Who cares if anyone thinks you should be “moving on.” Bull.
Feel what you feel. For as long as you need to.
You will be ok. You can cry years from now and that is ok, too. In my opinion.
The words in your blog sound so true and healthy.
Keep on feeling.
It will get better. Your Mom gave you a solid foundation and sense of self.
You WILL feel your mother, when you aren’t expecting it.
You will be changing the loads of laundry from the washer to the dryer and you will feel a touch on your shoulder, but no one is there.
You will be in your closet figuring out what to wear, and a scent will come over you that will remind you of her.
You will have dreams, many of them, where she is front and center and happy and well and she will talk to you and tell you things are better. She won’t stay as long as you hope for, and when you wake up you will be crying because you are happy you saw her, but sad because she isn’t there.
All of these things, and many more, have happened to me after my Dad died in 2006 of pancreatic cancer. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think about him in one way or another.
Grief is personal and painful and there is NO time limit. Do what’s best for YOU!
Jen, It has always bothered me how commonly people look at loss of a loved one as something to “work through” and “get over”. I don’t think so…I’ve always looked at it as a lifetime journey where the grief you feel is at least equal to the love you felt(and continue to feel)for that person. The grief and the “coming to terms” acceptance are always in process and just become an integral part of your life. You create a hallowed space for it as you slowly move forward. The person you were can’t help but be forever changed; but you can carry her with you in spirit as much as you need.
Now, I’m not religious and tend to be cynical about these things, but I can tell you I’ve been present at the death of family members and there was a definite energy change in the room at the point that their spirit left their body. The skin on my arms and face actually felt the difference.(Some famous best-selling female writer was on tv talking about her same experiences with this,so I know I’m not crazy.)Nothing ever really dies,energy only changes form. She is not gone.
I’ve found that by creating a special place in your home where you have her photo, maybe her perfume, a few of her special items, and a candle…can give you a place to pray, communicate with her, feel her energy closer to you anytime you want or need. It helps.
You never need apologize for grief;it reflects the depth of your love and surely there is no deadline for that. You are a wonderful daughter and an incredible human being. We continue keep you in our prayers. Kate
Jennifer, don’t worry about how you feel, or how you express yourself. I think you are doing amazingly well. Just keep talking about how you are feeling, and you will get there.
Jennifer, Dear jennifer,,,
nope it is not that I do not want to hear yur sadness,I just think you really need to see a dr who is trained for this plus the kids and hubby the whole family.
Nothing wrong with sadness…
just how we deal with it…
I just read your blog today and it was heartbreaking. I have posted before that my dad died when he was 61 and I was your age (13 years ago now). We were really close and I couldn’t even talk about him without crying for probably 5 years. But yesterday was by birthday and I kept thinking he would call me and everytime my cell phone rang I thought of him. It makes me cry thinking of it right now. So you will NEVER forget your mother, time does soften the sadness but sometimes it comes back so real and raw. As far as “feeling” her. Whenever I see the sun shining through the clouds it makes me think that my Dad is thinking of me and somehow comforting. Take care Jennifer, I was freaked out today when I turned on the radio and it was Alexis and Crissy ~ I am glad you are just taking time for yourself and not leaving! Take care, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Cheryl
Jennifer,
I just lost my mom to cancer last October, and I still cry all the time. My sister Cindy and I just keep telling eachother to never let the tears build up and that it’s OK to sob our heart out whenever we want. After a good cry, Cindy always says, “now I feel better, don’t you?” Yep, I feel better and I can see Mom crying right along with us.
Like you, my mom was everything to me. My friend, confidant, just everything. I didn’t know how to do life without her. But I am slowly learning how. It will always hurt like hell, but she is deep within me, part of my soul, and everything I ever needed in a mom. I am celebrating her by being that mom to my two boys.
I love you Jennifer. My heart breaks for you and me. But we’ll both get through each day one minute at a time until it doesn’t hurt so much.
Good luck to you and your family.
Paula
paulaeads50@yahoo.com
Hi Jennifer Its okay to tell us. I don’t mind at all. In fact, I’m sure you’re helping others by expressing yourself as well as helping yourself. Don’t hesitate.
Don’t ever feel like you can’t say what ever you’re feeling on your blog….It helps to say what you are feeling…and by the sound of a lot of the people who comment…it helps them to talk about it too. There are a lot of people who love and care about you and alexis…me being one of them. My computer was out being fixed for over a week…I found myself sitting in the car or cleaning out the car so I could hear your show. I now have the cleanest car in town. Anyway…..you were greatly missed on yesterday’s show. Hope you are doing alright. xox
Don’t appologize for your feelings, you are entitled to them. Besides, it’s what makes you human. I feel the same way about my parents. Hang in there, you are setting a great example for your kids about grieving. It sucks and it’s sadly a part of life.
xoxo
Mica
This is Jennifer’s blog, in case you didn’t notice. But out bitch.
Jennifer, Never feel the need to apologize for the love and loss you feel for your mom. It will never be okay, just a little easier at certain times. Just realize that every day you miss her just goes to show how much you loved her and how much she loved you.
I thought I knew true happiness , until I met true sadness. and I thought I knew true joy until I had real sorrow..knowing both ends of the spectrum . has made me a wiser more loving and understanding person. I didn’t get it right away but at some stage of the grieving process i did. who said life was always fun ? it must have been someone that could not face real life . hang in there. and down the road when you “get it” you will nod to yourself and say she was right.
ITS OK NOW YOU ARE ABLE TO WEED OUT THE BULLSHIT ! WHICH COMPRISES 100 percent OF OUR LIVES. BUT AS YOU WILL REALIZE ………ASK ;;;;; WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND ARE WE HERE JUST TO FUCK AROUND……AND WHAT THE SHIT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING HERE? IT KIND OF SCREWS WITH THE FABULOUS CLOTHES AND DINNERS;;; ETC. BUT REALLY ;;;;;;;;;WHAT THE SHIT. I LOVE THE BEST IN EVERYTHING;;;;; BUT THE QUESTION COMES BACK ALWAYS…… WHAT THE SHIT WHO GIVES A FUCK?
Jennifer,
You will feel your mother when you least expect it. I promise. And you will KNOW when it happens. xoxo
I knew a dolores and lost touch in 62, she was from ocean parkway near cuzzin brucies apartment and went to Adelphi college. Just wondering
Jennifer, you are doing very well considering what a wonderful mom you had and what a strong influence she was in your life. There is NOTHING like a mother daughter relationship NOTHING. I lost my mom four years ago and now I mostly laugh and have happy happy memories. The desperate sadness has faded. I did get to a point after about six months where I was so anxious I took xanax for a while and it was suggested to me that I go on antidepressants for a while which I did because I was stuck in sadness which turned to depression. Do what you need to do and for god’s sake don’t listen to Allexis. When Martha goes (hopefully not for a long time) she will be unable to cope and will need you and people like you desperately. She won’t be able to keep up her cool facade. She is tied to her mom and just can’t feel it because she hasn’t been taught how to feel things. Just look at your blogs. You are pouring your heart out and she is baking! However, I would expect more support from her for you but I think she’s just scared and so uptight! I think since your mom has died you have changed towards Alexis. I think it’s your mom channeling through you and saying “Jen, don’t take that shit!”. Also if things get too hard seek out a grief counselor.
I have now heard the show with you gone one day and Alexis gone one day. You are both good together, not with other people. Keep giving Alexis crap!
You are going to be fine Jennifer.
Love, Jan
Hi Jennifer….I’m going through the same thing. I lost both my parents in the past 9 months and I am so tired of feeling sad. I have wonderful friends but I feel that I have to stop talking about my grief. But its so hard. I do laugh with my friends alot too and thats good. But I feel like I bring them down when I express my sadness. I mean I’m tired of hearing me so I think they may be too. Take care..Sue
Jennifer, you will feel your mom when your grief has subsided a bit and she knows you are ready. I know it has happened to me. My mom died 5 years ago
and I started to feel her a few years after that. When I’m troubled she will come into my thoughts, or I will dream about her and my dad. That is when I feel her. A lady laughed in a department store the other day and my daughter said it was grandma’s laugh-she often feels her more than I do. I know she watches over my only daughter. It will come. In the meantime enjoy your thoughts of her and the feelings you have in your heart. Keep talking about your sadness– so many of us can relate.
Fondly, Lori
Jennifer;
My best friends mom passed away this year and it’s been extremely hard on her. This woman was my 2nd mother, however I will never experience what she is going through as it’s her feelings. She called her mother every day on her ride home from work, and even though it was in March, she still picks up the phone and then realizes that she won’t be there to pick it up. They were the best of friends. She was both a mother and a father to her but so much more. I alway envied thier relationship. She cries all the time. But this is part of the greiveing process. I lost my brother to suicide 12 years ago on 8/16, and while it’s is no way as hard as it was, thinking of him sometimes makes me sad. On the anniversary of his death, I do whatever I want. I usually take the day off work. I have spent the entire day in bed, I have gone and spent the day with my same best friend (we have been friends since we were 5 and we are now 40 somthing)… I talk to him, I share thing with him, but most of all I miss him very much, and I still cry, but not as often. I won’t say that it gets easier, but it doesn’t dibilitate you as much. It’s so fresh now. Take advantage of friends and family, and if they don’t understand that you just need to be alone for a bit, or that you are in a down mood, then the hell with them. Those that are important in your life will help you get through all this. Don’t ever push back what you are feeling, and if you need a little help, so be it. You may not want it now, but if you do eventually, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I found that a support group helped me feel that what I was truly feeling was real and not all in my head. They validated my feelings. Good luck and remember there are lots of people around you that love and support you.. You go girl…