last summer my mother had stomach discomfort…a persistent belly ache.
this summer my mother is gone.
my mother’s oncologist, whom i both detest and admire at the same time (funny how that happens!) told us early on that weight loss was the enemy of pancreatic cancer. and more to the point that my mother needed to gain weight to smother the tumor (this was the hope)..
so i took what alexis has taught me and got in the kitchen. and began baking for my mother. and baking.
and blogging. and baking.
and some people commented "why don’t you do your own blog?! alexis is the one who bakes" or "leave the baking to alexis" or "don’t you have your own mind" or "be you not alexis" and "copycat".
hmmmm.
obviously no one knew why i was baking so much but should it even have mattered?
it was a gift that i learned how to bake! my mother actually ate what i baked. she LOVED the maida heatter’s brown butter danish sandwich cookies- although she liked a whiter fluffier filling. and she loved martha’s chocolate surprise cookies from the cookie book (the ones with the marshmallows covered in chocolate yumm!) and she devoured the all white black and whites.
oh but when i baked cinnamon rolls (cinnabons!) she HATED them because the chemo had soured her taste buds to cinnamon…we had a good laugh that day because my mother had forgotten to tell me that she hated cinnamon.
and at the end, when my mother was eating a couple of spoonfuls of barely anything each day, she would ask me to make scrambled eggs and cheese. and i would. and it felt amazing to be able to do something. a small something. but something.
after my mom died i couldn’t bake nor cook. i couldn’t even get it together to bake cookies for my kids. it was just too painful.
but last night, i went back in the kitchen and cooked dinner.
(clams with garlic, olive oil and white wine and spaghetti)
it’ll take a little while longer till i can bake i think. but i’ll get there.
xxx
jennifer
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Good for you, Jennifer. You’ll get there and I for one will look forward to the pictures of your baking trials and tribulations. Alexis’s photos are beautiful and it’s true, she’s quite gifted in the baking department. But your pictures inspire even more because they show us all that we, too, (even if not wildly gifted) can enjoy cooking and baking. Thanks!
Jennifer – I love you girl even when you post blogs that make me cry.
I just wanted to send my sympathy to you on the loss of your mother. I have been listening to you guys from the start and enjoyed the many times your mom would call in, she sounded so sweet. I only get to listen when I happen to be in my car at the time which isn’t every day or for the whole show. I knew something was going on with you by a few comments you made, but had no idea your mother was ill or had passed. How did I miss that? I do not get a lot of time to sit at my computer either, but thought I would try it and just read your blogs. It is extremely hard losing a parent as I have lost my father, but can’t imagine losing my mother. You guys are great, putting yourselves out there. My husband is in politics, so I know all about nasty comments that are unfounded and ridiculous. In this computer age, people are cowards because they do not have to put their face or name to their comments. Keep your chin up! I love the show for all the conversation and humor, but is Alexis really as miserable as she sounds?
Hang in there. I know easier said than done. Seems like when people say that phrase it’s the easy way out especially when you are feeling down. You just feel like screaming because the feelings of sadness can really overtake you.
Please know that your blogging about these events in your life really put in perspective what is really important in life. I appreciate your honesty very much. You bring tears to my eyes and touch me. My dad died of pancreatic cancer when I was 30,(41 now). I wish we were close like you and your mom. I don’t know you but can tell she was a great mom and friend to you. It is ok to hurt, you miss her.
take care of yourself and F cancer!
My Mom passed away in Oct. 07, my brother passed from cancer 3 years a go and unbelivably my Dad died on the morning of my Brothers funerals from a heart attack, so it’s just my 3 sisters and I and we are extremely close, we cry alot because of how much we miss them all. And holidays really are tough still for us. But we we get by. We just have to find our new “normal” now. It’s a long tough road Jeniifer. You have to ride out the only way you see fit I found. I used to be on anitidepressants, but I found that numbed my feelings, and I truly needed to grief. I still cry at the drop of a dime! I lost a third of my family and would anything to get them back. I hope your days get better.
Jennifer, You are taking steps toward healing. You are gonna be all right…just you wait. While my dad was ill, he loved to each beef chop suey from a certain restaurant. I used to bring it to him at the nursing home. After he died, I couldn’t bare to eat at that restaurant. Now, I actually look forward to it, crave it. It’s not that the food is so good, but it brings back memories of my dad, and how his eyes would light up when he saw the take out buckets from there! Keep doing what you are doing…things are gonna get better. They will never be the same…but they won’t be so bad.
Jennifer….
I have nothing to say to you that others have not already….I simply wanted to add then to those before me…you are an astounding woman! I pray for the “baking days” to return to you! I admire you deeply!
It just goes to show you that we don’t know everything that goes on in someone’s life…or why someone is acting or feeling a certain way…we shouldn’t prejudge, only accept…go with the flow…live and LET live…
That’s right you will get there! I must say I enjoy seeing everything that you bake and cook as much as I enjoy seeing what Alexis does, and if anyone thinks differently well then they can F-off. Things take time but you will get there nothing happens over night. Take care.
dear jennifer, it seems to me that you have discovered the silver lining of the clouds that came your way. well done!
good for you. baby steps, jennifer. everything is going to remind you, in some way, of your mother, but i promise you, it will get easier. the ache never truly goes away, but it will get better. (((hugs)))
Jennifer- you are a gifted writer, reading your words I can feel the pain you are in but I also can feel the hope and love that radiates from you. What a gift you were to your mother, I hope that knowing how happy you made her and all the memories you shared together gives you peace and the drive to continue to move forward and to continue to radiate your kindness to everyone you meet
God Bless
Beautiful post Jennifer.
I hope it opens the eyes of all those hateful and spiteful of others they know nothing about.
You are beautiful to share your heart with us.
I love you
You are amazing. I look up to you. I am going through similar things right now and reading your words let me know that I dont have to bounce back right away. I can take my time. Thank you for inspiring and comforting me.
I usually don’t reply when you talk about your mom, because there are no words that express enough..i prefer listening. But thank you for sharing! I am truly touched!!
I’m glad to hear you’re back in the kitchen. Who cares what others thought. Alexis is gifted in the baking dept but you are an inspiration to those of us who aren’t as talented but try. You do it to better yourself and your family. Keep baking and cooking no matter wether it’s good or not. I think it’s probably a good form of therapy and maybe sooner than you think you’ll be able to bake and think of how happy it made your mom to receive the baked goods.
I think you are going about your grieving process in a very healthy way. Time will heal, but it won’t take away your wonderful memories.
I love those marshmallow cookies. YUM!!
Blogging is tricky Jen. You just keep doing what you are doing. God Bless.
Jennifer, You’re beautiful! I didn’t question your culinary motive at the time, but it touches me to the core to know that you were baking for your mother’s life. You may not have been able to save her, but, oh the joy you must have given her!
Your pasta dish sounds yummy!
Love, Susan
Good for you. It’s a rocky road, I know, but eventually the memories really do replace the sadness. Whenever I make one of my mother’s receipes now .. I feel comforted by the familiar taste. And when they come out terrible – I look up and remind her (out loud) that SHE should be making this cheesecake, chili, etc. … !
Jennifer – I have to admit I was one who thought why is she posting blogs about her baking, seems like that is a passion for Alexis and we, the listeners didn’t know, why would we…but your honesty has been amazing through this part of your personal life. It has made me laugh and cry and even though I don’t know you, I feel love for you. I seriously wish the best for you and your family.
Robert
Jennifer I really admire and respect you so much. Thank you for allowing your readers to go through the grief proccess with you as all of us are going to be losing our own parents someday. I’m glad Alexis was there to teach you to bake and create awesome memories for you with your Mother. Welcome back to the kitchen and someday the oven. God Bless
I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer 8 years ago- I treasure memories of any little thing I could do for her on the days she felt like crap…she lived 8 months after diagnosis- I am grateful there were many small things I could do and did do.
f’in cancer.
Wonderful Post today. Makes me sad. I hope you will be back baking soon. Treat yourself to a VIKING mixer when you do! They are amazing machines.
You have a wonderful ability to share your life with others. Doing this show and having Alexis as a friend proved to have a deeper meaning for you and your family. Now you are able to see the fruits of your labor, your family enjoying what you cook!
For the hundredth time, your writing is amazing! I was inspired to cook by seeing you get into it! This post was so bitterseet-made me cry too!
Go get ’em, Jennifer! You’re doing great!
Jennifer-people can just be so cruel and thoughtless. I guess that’s why we choose to ignore the negative and appreciate the positive. You’ll get back to baking. It will just take some time, and I for one love to see both of your baking posts.
Jennifer, have you ever left a nasty, judgmental comment on someone’s site? You don’t seem like the type, and I’m not that type either, though I’ve had people say nasty, judgmental things to me. So I thought I’d just do it one time – I mean, I *have* judgmental thoughts about people, I am human – but I thought I would just let ‘er rip and put it out there.
And I couldn’t do it.
Who wants to be that petty? It says way more about the person putting it out there than it does about the person they’re trying to demean. There’s so much harshness in the world already, you have to be in a pretty dark place to want to berate someone for BAKING, for heap’s sake.
People are way fucked up sometimes, you know? What can you do?
You are delightful in every way and I am so sorry about your mom.
I wrote to you awhile back that my brother-in-law (husband’s brother), Artie, had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and after reading your blog today, I found that your mom’s started last summer just like Artie’s did. He passed away last Saturday (only a week ago) after suffering for months. It had spread into his liver and his lungs. He was only 55 and he was the youngest 55 year old person I have ever met! The funeral was this past Monday in Oklahoma City as that’s where he lived. He was too young to die, but I guess it doesn’t really matter how old the person is, they don’t deserve to die that way and in that condition. My husband has been greatly affected by his brother’s death. But we go on. Take care, Jennifer (that’s my daughter’s name). I really enjoy listening to you, Alexis, Chrissy and Paulie when I’m driving home from work each day. Your show usually makes me laugh! Sherri S.
Last week I was wondering when you might blog your baking/cooking, again, and then it dawned on me why you may have stopped. I’m a cancer survivor, and I can tell you that when you go through chemo and someone takes the time out of their days to make you food to make sure that you eat what you should (and even what you shouldn’t sometimes!), it means so much. More than a lot of other well meaning getures, cooking food for someone who just can’t even begin to think about doing it, is at the very top of the list of things that cancer patients are so grateful for. You did an amazing thing for your mother Jennifer…and you did it very well!
Wow, that is deep. I tell you watching an Ann of Green Gables marathon is very cathartic For me it was.
Your wedding announcement in the NYT mentioned your mother was famous for grand gestures In my humble opinion, a grand gesture on your part, in any way. shape or form will be honoring her memory. Was dinner by candle light? did you and keith use the fine china? was dinner alfresco? was there great background music. did you use a tablecloth???? now if you do all these things at once ( how awesome that would be) just candles that makes it any meal special this was just a thought Take care.
Those marshmallow cookies are amazing! I made them as soon as I got the cookie book because I had seen them on your blog! OMG!! I never understood why people had such an issue with you sharing the baking/cooking on the blog…if it’s what you were doing, you should blog about it!
Jennifer, you’ll get there, trust me! It just takes time to deal with the pain. Eventually you will feel like you want to do those things again. It actually helps the grieving process, as painful as it is.
After my partner Marc died I never wanted to continue being a metalsmith, even though it was him that believed in my talent and him that kept on encouraging me to go further with it. I didn’t craft jewelry for almost 8 months after he passed. It was way to painful then, but then I got my courage back up and started working again, and it was the best part of the healing process. It felt like therapy. Take your time grieving!
I wish you all the best! 🙂
Leave it go, she has been dead for quite some time. We have all lost loved ones and do not carry on like the world is over.
FUCK CANCER
(((Jennifer))) You will get there.
Jennifer I admire your strength and courage, I think you are doing the best you can. Don’t worry you will bake again. I don’t really know you except from the radio but I am so proud of you for your strength. God Bless!
There’s a very healing segment online on Oprah’s soul series with Byron Katie (www.oprah.com/article/spirit/inspiration/pkgoprahssoulserieswebcast/20080811_oaf_oss_bkatie). She talks about losing her mother and not suffering from it because her mother was in pain and she was in pain watching it. That people live the whole life they are meant to live. And that when you remember someone that means they are not gone. I am paraphrasing, but it’s very profound when you hear her speak it – she’s an amazing spiritual healer. I had a profound shift listening to it. Also Eckhart Tolle is very healing.
god bless.
New York Times reader…..?
They, at the NYT would be ashamed to have your no-spelling-ass as a reader!
Jennifer, this post made me cry. When will people ever learn that they don’t know what is truly going on in someone’s life. Everyone is so judgemental. I think it’s wonderful that you started baking for your mom. I’m sure you will start again when you are ready and it feels right. Take care
So good to hear about you as you enter a new phase of living. If you can secure a copy of yhe September 2008 issue of “Real Simple” magazine, you might be interested in the article entitled “Coping With…”. Quite interesting. Keep looking up…there are beautiful clouds up there.
Jennifer-I just want to tell you again how sorry I am for your loss. I have been so impressed by your honesty and openness here on your blog.
B
Thanks for blogging about that Jennifer. I love reading your posts!
What’s with the poster, “just a comment?” Empathize much? It hasn’t even been 2 months. Since Jennifer’s mom passed. When did that become a long time? That person is lame!
Hi Jen, Thank you for sharing such intimate details about your life. People can be so self centered, I remember those comments on your blog about doing your own thing. I can only imagine what this year has been like for you. Have faith, your family is blessed to have you. Much love. You are your mother’s beautiful and special legacy.
Jeezer-lious what u be talkin bout
Awww, you’re makin’ me cry! I’m glad you got back in the kitchen, it’s important! Be yourself – that’s who your mom loved best!!
I see now why you baked… I wish you would have told us then, but I’m very happy you to told us now. May God bless you always.
Jennfer, You are a blessing to so many that have gone through or are going through deep grief. Thank you for taking us on your deeply moving journey. Your Mom is certainly proud of you.
I’m sorry i made one of those comments. Hang in there doll.
Yes my sweet girl…you will get there. One step at a time, one day at a tome, with lot’s of tears and sighs in between. I lost my Dad going on 9 years ago, I still have sad days, I still have blue moments…I also now have smile times. Just breathe Jennifer and allow time to takes it course!
I admire your determination and dedication to your family. It’s so inspiring. Question (and this really is a question and is not meant to be a negative comment or a dig): I have a family member dealing with cancer and we’re all very concerned with the weight loss. Did your doctor encourage you specifically to bake as a way to help your mother keep weight on? I’ve heard that I shouldn’t feed my relative flour and sugar because the cancer cells feed on it, but making whole-grain salads just isn’t the same as baking. I would love to do this if that’s just a myth.
hi julia,
depends on the cancer and the dr.- my mom’s dr. said she should eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING she could tolerate including the sugar/flour/fat. sure, protein, whole grains and vegetables are better but milkshakes and cakes put weight on.
just ask the dr… and good luck!
xx
Jennifer, if you were to ask G-d what was in my heart, He would tell you, “Dresden loves and adore you.” From what info I’ve gathered, your Mom was one in a trillion. She’d treat a bag lady with the same grace as she’d treat her best friend. I loved the letter you received from the girl who went to camp with you and how your Mom went to her rescue. My Mom was a LOT lke your Mom. In personality, looks, humor and compassion. If I had ONE wish, that would be to have a slumber party with you and a handful of “the girls” on this list. Alexis too. You are SO much like you Mom. I can feel that. I’m the girl in the corner. Wearing beige trying to blend in with the beige wall. If your Mom were here she’d do her best to make me sparkle. I can see you’re like that as well. Your friends are lucky to have you in your life. I wish I lived next door to you!
You ARE amazing and a kind soul.
Love,
Dresden
Commented to the previous post by mistake. re: back in the kitchen:
It may be two steps forward and one step back, but keep your eye on the future while you honor the past. Well done, Jennifer.
I think you need professional help.
In this big world where people are at ease to critize and judge others,and be just plain mean to others, it is comforting to know that there are so many people out there that really do care and take the time to be kind and think about someone else other than themselves! Even during your time of grief and saddness,I think you have been helpful to so many others who are going through the same things,or will soon be facing such times and even those of us that have already passed through rough times….your mom raised a remarkable woman, Jennifer!
Really nice post.
If people could only see how interconnected all life is, I believe they wouldn’t be so quick to judge others. Are there not things to learn from two bakers? You’ve touched many lives by choosing to share this aspect of your personal life with the public. By doing so, you’re making the journey for others just a little less scary. You are a wonderful & remarkable person. I wish you & your family a peaceful, & relaxing weekend.
-Bjorn
To Julia…When I went through chemo, they encouraged me to take it easy with sugars, however just remember that sometimes even a Chemo patient needs to be a little bad! Like Jennifer said talk to your Dr. about anything that you want to try. Also an inside tidbit; sometimes dill pickles help with the horrible chemo /brillo pad taste that happens to your taste buds. Some people have success when they eat one about 30 mins to an hour before they try to eat a meal. I found out about this a month after I was finshed with my treatments….but a friend tried it and it worked really well for her. Good Luck.
Jenny-I love you gurl. I bet your dinner was fantastic – you are taking steps to get on with life and that is fantastic! Keep it going sweetie.
Hugs,
Oh Jennifer…Their is always someone who is going to make cruel comments about you and your baking, however, I feel you have your own style ,much unlike Alexis. I wish people were not so mean and want to makes others hurt. I only know you from the blog, the radio shoe and occationally Dr. Wexler will say something , tha t my mother pulls out of her, but I think you are a very nice person who right now is in a very bad place. This happened to me when my brother Todd died. It took me 6 months to return to work . I would go into the bathroom and cry over him. From your radio show it seems as thoug you are able to fuction there for those few hours. You are on your road to recovery, only thing, I’m sorry to say, is that it takes more than a month to reover from the death of a person who was close who you couls bake for and run over to her house any time you so desired to. I can only say to you is that it will get better. It’s 10 years since Todd died and sometimes I still cry over him . I still think of him every day.. This was just a ramble on my part but I do want to say is time heals all wounds. It’s true. If I can help you let me know. Sincerely Amy
Jennifer…you have such a way with words. Years from now..when time has passed…you should write a book on your feelings and thoughts on going through this time.If you have kept a journal..it would help. You are a natural with putting your thoughts into words.
yes, i agree you are talented
Hi Jennifer
I used to listen to you and A. on SIrius radio. I always wanted to call in but was afraid Alexis would be mean to me because I am from the Midwest, i.e. uncool.
Last summer I was a housewife who had lots of nice things, but I was miserably married to an abusive a-hole. I was so isolated, I was terrified to let anyone know.
I used to listen to your show when I was making dinner or cleaning, and it was one of the only things that could really make me laugh. I left him and filed for divorce in April 08 and haven’t been able to listen to your show since.
I just read up on your July/August posts and I was heartbroken for you. If it makes you feel better, I was a mess for six months after my 11 year old dog Bongo died. You are obviously a very sensitive person with a huge heart. I love how honest you are about your quirkiness. Please don’t be too hard on yourself for not getting over it faster. Anyone who has ever endured loss like that understands and anyone who doesn’t is a douchebag.
Just keep being your true self, it is the only thing you need to be. You never know who is listening and who needs to hear exactly what you are saying right now.
One of my favorite quotes is:
“By our stumbling, the world is perfected.”
XO
L
You totally need to stop convincing yourself that you need to get over Bunny K’s dying. Who the fuck says there is an appropriate amount of time to feel devastation? You and the lucky people who knew her… or met her ( I had the pleasure at your sisters Sweet Sixteen) understand…. this is going to take a while. My G-D…I am sure you just want to be able to rant about Sarah Palin to her. BTW..she has no more business being my VP than John McCain does being my gynecologist!
And don’t even apologize for being sad. I have not listened to your program yet… (long story) I am a web girl. I do read the blogs. So… If the show is about you or your thoughts…and people don’t like it: they can suck it.
Jennifer, you are so pretty just let all that bad, negative energy roll right off you! I cant wait to see your show, I wish I was in NY so I could be there in person. Stay who you are and hang in there. We are all praying for you !
Good for you Jennifer Koppelman Hutt. You will be fine, one step at a time. You are getting there. Take care. (Hate to say this, but I know what you are talking about)
AWESOME
your blogging and baking make me happy
I’m sorry about your mother-I can imagine that it’s very difficult for you.
I might have to start doing what you did for your mother-my mother has lymphoma and I went to see her yesterday for the first time since she started her chemo (my parents live far away so it’s difficult to get to see them) and it was so hard to see her not be able to eat, or at least keep down, even a couple of spoonfulls of mashed potatoes. I’ve been trying to think of ways to help-maybe baking for her is something that would work.
Screw anyone that gives you crap about anything you want to make your blog about. It’s “Whatever” for a reason!
Why is every one picking on Mrs Palin?
She is from the 49th State and Obama is from the 50th state Both are closer to their heritage. I dare say then the average American. Both states have ,I dare say a higher cost of living and both states attract many many tourists eager to see the natural Beauty and Wonder of these locations –one may call them paradise. Okay, Obama got his feet wet with the Chicago Annenberg Challenge overseeing 50 million plus dollars donated to this organization to improve education. The annenberg Foundation I think the founder had something to do with TV Guide . Palin– She well, yes in the 80s she was a sports caster. But then a Mayor — who was it that said All politics is local— I know Tip O’neil 50 dollars to the first person that can identify Tip O’Neil
But I dare say residents of Alaska aren’t going to elect just anybody Just ask Marilyn Whirlwind.
Next time a get out the vote caller calls– you ask them where they live and if they can name their Senators representing them in Congress— and ask what district they live in and who is their congress perso( Member of the House of representatives
. By the way can YOU answer the above questions
I always enjoyed your baking blogs. Some people just use the internet as an opportunity to be nasty and have anonymity while they do it. It’s sad.
I can relate to your difficulty with baking again. I had been baking for my best friend while she was fighting melanoma. We lost her in 2001. I have gone back to baking, but I still can’t make her favorite cookie.
How is your dad doing? Let us (me ) know. Wish him my best.
Howard
Jennifer, you are doing just fine. There are going to rough times to come yet. Unfortunatley there is still the “year of first’s” to come yet. But with your family to support each other, you can do it. And to anyone who says you “just need to get over it” obviously has not lost someone close to them.Or if they have, then they are cold hearted “barely people”. So don’t feel pressured to hurry through your feelings. Go at your own pace and life will get better. Love your show!
Hey, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone regarding what you post here. You’re just blogging about what you do in your day to day life, and clearly a ton of people (myself included) love it. You’re awesome
Jennifer: I know exactly how you feel…. I took care of my father in law until he passed away a few years ago…. I made dinner every night and took him a plate over so he would have something to eat. He loved my fried potatoes and country fried steak (I know, not healthy, but he was losing a lot of weight) and asked for them almost every day… after he passed, I just couldn’t cook for weeks. My son asked me if I was too sad to cook… he understood- I have yet to make country fried steak for my husband who loved it as much as his dad did… I just can’t make it – I know I’ll cry- I know how you feel- hang in there girl! – You’ll get it in your own time… keep talking about Bunny- be proud to have loved and had such a wonderful mother who made a wonderful woman as yourself!- take care:)
I dont have any way of knowing what you are going through. All I can say is, im so sorry for you and your family.
I want to say the words ” I SORRY” I was on of those that left something not nice for you. No excuses… just a bad timeless memory I’m sure and I remember I think it was something baked sticky thing.(Like you said cinnabons) To be honest I’m jealous, I use to bake like Alexis and you. I miss that. It was an ugly picture though…. Please share always. Sometimes keeping things to yourself do bring out the uglies in me. Again, I’m sorry. I had written you about, how timeless memories will come. I had lost my husband on the church steps at 21 years etc and another family member every 6 months for a while. We will always hurt, it comes out in the future once in a while, as mine did. I have learned alot from you, I sure a meant to be, I’m sure I’ll learn more and look forward to it. Christine
Jennifer, I am very proud that you had the courage to get back into the kitchen. I suffered a great loss two years ago and I did the same thing-baked sweets just about every single day for my Grandfather. I found it to be very therapeutic because it was my own time to grieve and I continued it after he passed because I always felt like we were connected through baking. Bake away, think of Bunny and blog til you are blue if it makes you feel good. I love to see what both you and Alexis make all the time!
Congratulations! Getting back to cooking is a big step! After my grandmother died I had a problem wearing or looking at anything blue (strange, maybe, but it was her favorite color) now I just smile because I remember her saying “if it’s blue, I like it”. Here’s hoping that baking comes sooner than later and that you can smile and think of your mom when you do it.
Jennifer, I’ve always enjoyed your cooking posts and thought your cooking/baking was more like an adventure–whereas Alexis’ is more like a hobby. Both are enjoyable, but I do relate more to your adventures in the kitchen. And I made the whoopie pies for my son’s daycare friends last month specifically because I’d seen them on your blog. So I do look forward to the day you can post again about your kitchen capers. Until then, I hope your pain eases and the sad memories are slowly replaced by fonder ones.
Hi Jennifer, I was also inspired by Alexis to bake and am actually getting pretty good at it. I try to do it every weekend, I also have a dad going through chemo and he does enjoy my baking most of the time. You get back in the kitchen and start sending those pictures, don’t worry about the negativity. I enjoyed your cooking and baking blogs very much also!
You are wonderful!
I cannot fathom what is up with the mean people of the listener kind. If they don’t like it, turn the channel and don’t comment!!!! I enjoy you both so much and it just makes me feel like crap that people go to the trouble to say mean and hurtful things. And to CALL in to say stupid crap about ya’ll, your show….it just irks me. Do not let them get you down!!!!! I guarantee you that 99% of people feel the way I do. The other 1% need to shush!
Jennifer–you should feel so special knowing that you gave your mom so much happiness in baking for her. It gave you these little stories you are now cherishing and sharing. She surely loved seeing you go out of your comfort zone and do amazing things that any mother would love to see their daughter do. Baking is now a gift you can give and share with your kids and Alexis! Be proud and happy and know that it’s okay to let a few tears out when you cook/bake…its all in love! Have you ever noticed in families so many of the good memories are centered around the kitchen? You just reminded me of a few. Thanks for sharing.
Jennifer,,,I am so sorry about your mother’s passing. I have read many of your blogs with regard to your grief, and I applaud your courage to share your feelings with the world. I have had to deal with the loss of my only sibling and my husband’s loss of both of his parents. There is no right or wrong to the grieving process, nor is there any timeframe. It is different for each and every one of us.We are all unique. Whatever feels right for you IS right. There will come a day when you will smile when you think of your Mom instead of crying, but just when is an unknown. Better to let it out…I held it in and it only delayed the healing process.My brother died 16 years ago at age 29. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him. Life will never be the same again, but it can be happy. You will feel better someday…but in the meantime, be patient and kind to yourself. Do nice things for yourself and let others do nice things for you. They want to do something, no matter how small. Let them. And know that people who have “been there” are thinking of you
and wishing you peace.
I know how you feel. My mother was having problems with her knees, which she thought was arthritis. Her MD sent her for a spine xray to rule out osteoporosis and the tech noticed a large mass behind her spine, on the back of her stomach, which turned out to be a malignant tumor. she’s going through chemo right now and is losing weight rapidly, so I’ve become something of a gourmet chef, to try to find recipes she likes so she will keep eating and keep her strength up. Fortunately, my parents are staying with me while she’s going for treatment. It’s so tough seeing someone you love get so sick and you feel so helpless to do anything to make it better. I just keep visualizing that everything I cook will make her one meal stronger and one meal healthier.
My prayers are with you.
HI Jennifer
Sorry for your loss. I think all your baking was inspiring. Now that you say why you were doing it, it makes it all the more wonderful. It was a wonderful thing you did for your mom. I had a very agressive form of lymphoma, and the chemo so messes with your taste buds. I had friends that would cook what ever I was craving or wanted, and it meant the world to me. I am sure that it was a great comfort for your mom to have you there and taking care of her, you are a wonderful daughter.
At some point baking and cooking will become great therapy. Baking/cooking is a great focus when the day is not going well. When you begin to bake/cook there will be a finished product and then you can say you did complete something on that not-so-good day.
It is also not bad when your day is going great too ; )
Jennifer-you just made me cry. You didn’t do anything wrong, in fact, you did everything right. You stood up to the bullies. Why they go to blogs they can’t stand is beyond me. I suppose they have empty lives and just need something to bi*** about. Hang in there, your doing great. P.S. I for one miss your cooking segments on your blog. Even if they weren’t pretty you posted your recipes and pics. THAT is a brave soul.
The sad thing is, you actually care about what other people say and you actually think about it months/years later. Why did it enter your mind to think about what people said about your blogs a year ago and post a response now? You really need to snap out of this habit of wasting time, energy, tears, and thoughts on what other people think or say. It makes it so much easier for people who “prey” on those who are weaker because you wear it on your sleeve.
Jennifer, you are truly inspiring….and no one has the right to tell you when to bake again or when you’re going to be happy again. When I first heard about your mom’s illness (I know I’m a little behind the eight ball on this one)…my heart immediately broke for you. I knew the connection you had with your mom was something very special….a connection I’ve never had with my own. My sister and I have been listening to the show since day one almost….I unfortunately can’t listen for now do to a job change. I just wanted you to know I DON’T get inspired, but you, girl you are inspiring. Just keep getting out of bed that is all one can do.
Jennifer,
Since you have lost your Mother I have lost a best freind to brain cancer and held my 46 year old brother as he passed. It has been helpful for me to read your blogs. Healing takes time, give it all it needs, thank you for sharing.
Could be that Jennifer “thought” about her feelings last year because this is the time of year she was trying so hard to help her mother. It’s “that time of year again” and it fucking sucks. It was a very private moment so there was no reason for her to blurt out over the airwaves why she was baking her ass off. Then to be raked over the coals by complete strangers and be the “nice” one and not say anything was pretty mature. I think her post was just how she was feeling today and explaining why she baked so much back then. There’s no one that can’t hear a song from twenty years ago or a movie from ten years ago or a thanksgiving dinner when they were three and not feel the same way today that they felt at that very moment back then, we all do that. So for the love of Elvis, give Jennifer a break for remembering something from just twelve months ago. My daddy died when I was seventeen, I’m thirty four now, so ever April 25 I wake up and remember how I felt that morning when I got the phone call that he’d died. And I don’t plan on snapping out of anything
that reminds me of the last day I had a daddy.
Jennifer that you are a regular person…
look…I’m glad Julie’s yucky back is off of here.Seriously I was getting sick seeing it.
Hey! Please mention CAYLEE Anthony
she is a florida girl who was 2 almost 3 when she went missing from Orlando Florioda.
Her Bd was Aug 9th and is now 3 and not yet found.
Read all about her freak mother CASEY ANTHONY and you will be shocked!So will everyone on the show!
maybe get to it tomorrow?
Since today is game day?
My mother died the day before Thanksgiving 1983…she hated broccoli casseroles and therefore, we never had them for Thanksgiving or any other occasion….as is the tradition in the south (may be in other areas too) folks show up with food…I threw out every broccoli casserole that came in the house! This past Thanksgiving my 7 yr old granddaughter asked for a broccoli casserole for dinner…not knowing my past with them….I fixed it and ate it and laughed and cried about all the ones I had thrown out during those tough days. Life becomes a “new” normal eventually!
Ahh, Jennifer.You are so sweet. When my mother had one of her chemo treatments one of my sisters and I were there and the nurses brought in bagels and cream cheese. My mother, luckily, has so far survived breast cancer; but she’ll never eat another bagel. It’s like your mother’s acquired distaste for cinnamon. The thought of a bagel, for my mother, is simply awful.
If you don’t own a single Jimmy Buffett record I mean CD now is the time to buy one. all all of them for that matter. Buy evey single re I mean CD he has ever recorded and you will see the light the beauty and the funny or sunny side of life. YOU will laugh and Cry and learn every song by heart because the Man Jimmy is the truth. or John Prine he is as awesome as buffett Okay You need some proof go to U utbe or is it You tube and search these guys out you will love love love them
YEA! I’M SO GLADE.
COOKING IS GREART FOR THE SOUL.
“…dry your tears– or celebrate them, in fact. You might be a very special HSP, or Highly Sensitive person. The term comes from therapist Elaine N. Aron Ph.D.
In her book “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, ” she points out Carl Jung called such people the educators and promoters of culture…their life teaches the other possibility, the interior life which is so painfully wanting in our civilization.”
…HSP form closer friendships and delve deeper into life than others, are highly conscientious and concentrate well.
( They also let other people’s moods affect them, are nervous about being in groups and think a lot about what they are thinking.)”
Okay this was a clipping from a newspaper — the Knight Ridder Newsgroup I needed to tell you so you would know I care
It did make me cry, but remembering ones mother always makes me cry…thanks for the moment
very sweet blog you are A great person I do not know how you got through doing the FLVNG show with everything going on but you did because the clips I have seen are Halarious Hang In There! xxx
Jennifer, I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mother as well…two years ago…and it’s true…it just takes time…
Jennifer – when I lost my Dad, 5 days before my 15th birthday (I’m now 40). People told me “keep him alive through your memories and don’t be afraid to remember a thought or a happy time and let him come to life as if he were right there with you”. Through the years, I’ve taken those words to heart. When you miss your Mom … head to where you will find the best memories of her and find comfort there … head to the kitchen. People will say “gosh Jennifer, these cookies are delicious, what did you put in them??” .. and you can honestly answer, “no secret ingredient, just extra love”.
Take care of yourself.
I lost my mom last summer to thyroid cancer. Growing up we always baked together. Since she has passed I have felt the need to bake a couple times a week. I feel like it is the one way I can really connect with her. I remember the first Christmas without her I spent 7 hours in her kitchen baking holiday treats. When I finished I collapsed on the floor a sobbing mess. It was hard but I am glad I did it, baking allows me to feel close to her even though she is gone.
i love when you blog your baking and cooking! inspires me
Take every single day at your own pace. There is no one recipe for grief, it is up and down and can seem endless. Be good to yourself and grieve whenever the feeling comes over you. Healing will come, but be good to yourself on the sad days. I wish you peace in your heart. I am so very sorry for your tragic loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss Jennifer. When I first heard of whatever, I didn’t know whether I’d like it or not so I didn’t listen. I love Martha. I have all but like 4 of her msl magazines since publication in 91 or 92. I can’t wait until whatever martha. I know alexia and martha haven’t always had a tight relationship but I can’t wait until you two start criticing her work. She has a wonderful sense of humor and I’m sure she’ll get a good laugh about the show,,,,,especially after what she’s lived thru. You take care of yourself and grieve when the occasion calls for it. You will never get over it but time will let you put things in order. Just remember she lives on thru you and your children. Love and peace in your heart and life.
may her memory inspire you. my heart hurts for you too J, it will get easier not better. a fan from day one
Jennifer, no matter how bad your feeling or hour much you are or are not blogging I love you tremendously. Keep doing what you need to do in your heart and soul each day……it truely is ok with all of us……we love you, your family. Your are the best! God Bless
One thing in life that I’ve learned and work at is that….we do what we can do. It will happen when it’s time. Look you did spaghetti. You’ll get there. Little by little. Little by little…step by step. Oh and hey…you’re hair looked fabulous in the pictures from the Whatever party! Good hair always makes everything a little better!
xoxo
Christie
a listener and reader
I chatted with you awhile ago on AIM about my nephews allergies. Since I got a new car that only had XM, I havent been listening to your show and was floored to hear your Mom passed on. I am SO sorry to hear this. You will be in my thoughts. Peace
Hi J, I wrote you on Sept. 11, and forgot to tell you what I did for the loss of my daughter’s ex boyfriend who was a member of our family and I felt like I had lost a child when he died.I made a blog for our family and his family and we visit it for comfort and whatever.
http://www.dougnewby.blogspot.com
still your friend, Sallybrown
yOU KNOW TODAYS SHOW YOU WERE SO MAD THAT PEPOLE SAY YOUR FAX ,AND YOU WRE TOLD IT’S NO ONE’S BUSINESS WELL THAT WHAT YOU AND ALEXIS DO ALL THE TIME PUT MOVIE STARS DOWN AND EVERY ONE YOU EVEN PUT EVERONE ON DOCTOR RADIO DOWN HOW DOES IT FEEL NOT TO GOOD DOES IT.YOUR TWOFACED AND FAT FAT FAT YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY, AND WHAT THAT YOUR WEARING ON THE SNEEK PRVIEW PAJAMAS YOU LOOK FUNNY AND YOUR NOT FUNNY THEY REALLY HAVE TO GET 2 OTHER PEPOLE FOR THE JOB YOU GUYS ARE BAD I AM TRUNING OFF MY RADIO TOMORROW I WROTE SIRIUS A LETTER TELLING THEM NO GOOD SHOW THEY ARE ALL BORING YOUR IS THE WROST IF YOUR DID GET PAYED BY THEM INSTEAD OF MARTHA YOU WOULD BE GONE.GOOD BYE AND TRY NOT TO BORE THE WORLD WITH YOU SHOW TOO MUCH.THE ONLY LISTERS YOU AHVE ARE OLD LADYS,GUY MEN OR SOME THAT LIKE TO CALL JUST TO HEAR YOUR VOICE WHILE ON YOUR SITE DOING SOMETHING TO THEM SELF AT HOME LOL.
Good evening. Please accept my deepest condolences for the terrible loss of your mom. I can’t imagine what you’re experiencing at this time. My mom has been losing weight and is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s; I’m going to have her doctor check for pancreatic cancer just as a precaution. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Brenda
My Gosh I cannot believe the idiots writing the mean and hateful things as comments on your blog site…. talk about blowing out your candle so thiers will burn brighter. I watched the new show and enjoyed watching the train wreck so to speak… I have a group of girlfriends and we always get together every year whenever the Miss America Pagent comes on. We hold a Miss America Trash and Bash Party, we hold our own contest complete with a talent participation and what our Forum will be. We discuss all of the faults of the contestants, We sound exactly like you and Alexis, we have great fun, we put on costumes and really get into the evening. Our funnest time was when one of the girls grandmother (she was 87)came and wore a bathing suit, Complete with a false fur rug taped to her chest and under her arms, We Laughed so hard and the dear sweet woman passed away a short time later. Our friends family has stated the pictures of thier grandmother at our party are the best ones she ever took and they will always remember her with great Joy and laughter… You keep on girl. We are all sorry for your Mothers passing and You will laugh once again because of the memories that you created together…
Hi Jen,
There simply aren’t words to help your pain through this tine. There is this…
A friend of mine graduated from seminary (I know you’re Jewish, this Episcopalian is just trying to help.) several years ago. So, I was so excited to sit down to lunch with her to “figure it all out”. The one thing I learned is that we’ll never understand it all.
Here’s what you did right. You let your Mom know what a great job she did. She knew how much she was loved by you and your siblings. And, she knew without a doubt the bond that was between the two of you. You know that with your daughter,
You were a good daughter and your Mom is in peace. You’ll find your peace when its right.
on Whatever, Martha, I think it was during the cheesecake chat (lmfao), I recall you talking about how well you make scrambled eggs.
Now I know why….. 🙂
I am undergoing chemo as well and my taste sensory has went to hell. Everything tastes like metal, if I can taste anything at all.
You will find your peace when you find all the pieces.