rough night.
"congratulations on the tv show. it’s fabulous. and you look so good wearing color!" says my mother’s friend. "yeah, well, my mother told me to wear less black. she wanted me in colors."
look ma, i’m on tv and im not wearing black! oh wait…you can’t see it because you died.
crap. sadness. i just want to talk to my mom.
mommy, i miss you. i mean i really miss you. nothing feels right. i feel so empty lately. so much is happening right now and i can’t seem to enjoy it. i just want to talk to you. the phone rings and i look to see if it is you. during our show today a number flashed on the screen and for a second it looked like your number and i thought oh it’s you...and then oh, it can’t be you. happened at home too. this morning. phone rang- about the time you would’ve called. and i thought for a second that you were calling. (crazy!) but no. it wasn’t you.
and it should’ve been you. YOU SHOULD BE HERE.
the stressful stuff is more stressful now that you are gone. and the good stuff doesn’t feel very good now that you are gone. and i am having a very hard time letting go. i keep seeing you at the end. i keep replaying the goodbyes. it wasn’t enough. it’ll never be enough.
when i was little and we would fight you would tell me how we had a special bond you and me… all love…all the time…even in the fights. and we did. and we do. and not even your death can take away that feeling.
the tv show started. i know you’d be proud. i know you’d have as many criticisms as the haters and more compliments than our biggest fan. and i know i’d be irritated by plenty of what you had to say. but i would do ANYTHING to hear it.
you were spectacular. and i was lucky. and i will continue to move forward and work through this the way you‘d want me to.
i love you.
facebook:jennifer koppelman hutt
aim:whateverradio
I know where you are coming from ( and there are lots of us out there) you have seen the messages and you have received the calls, so many of us have lost one or both of our parents. It sucks and you are right to feel exactly what you are feeling, especially now. I was floundering when my dad died, working, but not to my full potential. He died before I could show him what I could become and it is lousy and heartbreaking…and I am sorry to say I dont think he knows about the pretty successful person I have become because I am not religious. The other day you talked about reincartion – and I feel exactly like you – I would have heard from dad by now if it were possible. That is why I hate movies where dead people talk and come back to loved ones. It is is all a crock of shit and you have to say it all while people are alive.
You will get through it, but it will always suck (take my word for it)
My mother lost her mother last year after three months in the hospital and much hope in a miracle recovery. It was very hard for her; even now, she’s not getting over it but I hope she will. I remember my late grandmother saying that even then, she missed and wanted her mother whom she lost 25+ years ago. This worries me because I want to help my mother get past it by encouraging her and listening to her when she wants to talk. I admit that I didn’t understand how profound a loss it is until I read your posts and every time, I do, I feel the magnitude of the loss and it breaks my heart to realize that all I can do is, listen, be supportive and be the best daughter I can be for her. Thanks for helping me understand the, Jennifer and I wish us all courage in every loss. You’re a strong woman and I trust that you can do it.
My mother lost her mother last year after three months in the hospital and much hope in a miracle recovery. It was very hard for her; even now, she’s not getting over it but I hope she will. I remember my late grandmother saying that even then, she missed and wanted her mother whom she lost 25+ years ago. This worries me because I want to help my mother get past it by encouraging her and listening to her when she wants to talk. I admit that I didn’t understand how profound a loss it is until I read your posts and every time, I do, I feel the magnitude of the loss and it breaks my heart to realize that all I can do is, listen, be supportive and be the best daughter I can be for her. Thanks for helping me understand the, Jennifer and I wish us all courage in every loss. You’re a strong woman and I trust that you can do it.
Everything you are saying I went through also…hang in there, you will get through it and it will get easier. I would be lying if I said it is going to be soon…it will take quite some time.
Unfortunatly, that is the price we pay for loving someone so much, the good is great but saying goodbye hurts more than anyone can imagine. I’ve been there too….you will make it. I’m sorry you are hurting so much.
You need a major makeover…long gone days…red long hair??? gimme a break!get an appoitment with What not to wear!!!!
Now we all know why Alexis got boob, teeth whitening, botox done earlier this year…..She was getting ready for this show!! OMG! open button shirt with no cleavage?? why she was trying to show off her bra yesterday in Martha’s show??
this show will be A FLOP!!!!
oh jennifer, my heart goes out to you. you are such a love.
I have been following your blog since your Mother’s illness and have often found myself in tears, as I too, have recently experienced the same loss. I received a flower delivery in sympathy, and instantly picked up the phone to call her and tell her about the beautiful arrangement that had just arrived. Crazy, huh? It’s just that I had never imagined my life without her to share it. I too, would give anything to have her back. I miss her so much.
My friend lost her mother recently as well and as we visited, she urged us to appreciate our mothers while they are here and spend time with them: vacations, excursions or just simply calling and chatting like girlfriends on the phone. It was advice that turned me around as I hadn’t appreciated or thought about the possibility of losing the most special person, Mom. My heart goes out to you and know that there are people who are touched by your thoughts and send you their best wishes. May you find comfort in memories.
Jennifer, you made me cry, you had such a great relationship w/ your mom … I envy that! My Mom is still here I have 6 brotheres and sisters, I don’t really know my mom, she was so busy working and raising 5 children under me! I envy the closeness you had w/ your mom, you are very lucky to connect with her like that. I hope that i can be the mother you had to my two boys, they would both be as proud as you are, what great memories you must have. keep those going w/ your children and they will also be as proud of you as you are of your mom!!!!!!!!!!! I admire you and love your show. Keep up the great work! XO JARYL
Great post. Had a good cry reading it. As I watched and listened to the shows this week, I suspected you must be having these feelings. I am so sorry that your mom isn’t here to call you anymore. I admire your appreciation of the relationship you had with her – and the fact that you had that appreciation when she was still here and before she got sick. Such grace and honesty – you rock, Jennifer!
— and I love, Love, LOVE the tv shows. So much fun!
congratulations the first episode was broadcast you can leave the closet but actually when you are in there you seem to tape for your blog. more often and we like that but well we would like to see other things perhaps a closet tour only with Kieth’s approval of course. Now if you would tape because you are good at that– tape some more– other places then you could decide what you want to post.
I read in the New York Times that a building on the campus of the University of Pennsylvania was named after Claudia Cohen the former page six edito rand celebrity reporter on Regis and Kathi Lee when Mz Gifford was there anyway yeah a building in her honor at her alma mater sweet. (of course a donation from an ex-husband made it possible to re-name Logan Hall)
Have you ever read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil? Now that is a book a real page turner. And I had the honor to visit Bonaventure Cemetery in the spring when the Azaleas are blooming and the sunlight in the morning dances on the river and you know why as a final resting place it is like the most beautiful place in Savannah to ever be and return for visits. It must be a comfort to know a loved one is somewhere that when you go to visit you leave with a bittersweetness yes indeed life goes on and let us have the power to Seize the Day Live Laugh and Love
Jennifer,
Beautifully said! I lost my beloved grandmother on Christmas eve last year. No not my mother but a woman who loved and supported me my whole life like a mother. I still find myself crying because of the pain of missing her. The crying has lessened but still I was making donuts the other day and I could hear her telling me how much she loves fresh hot donuts with a cup of coffee. I found my self packing up 2 cupcakes 2 weeks ago to take to her, I actually had one of them already in the package when it dawned on me she’s not here anymore. I will not be sharing a cupcake with her. Sometimes I place her photo at the dinner table when I’m having her favorite meal or dessert, and set her a place. Everything you are feeling is OK. Feel it and move forward from it. Your mom would be and is so proud of the woman you are. You express beautifully how I feel at times too. Your ability to put it out there for other people to read is amazing, it’s helping you and it’s helping others.
I hope you find strength to get through the rough days.
Hi Jennifer…Today is my Mom’s birthday – she died 10 years ago at the age of 53 (Oct 12th). I was devastated just like you. I wasn’t married nor had children, neither did my Brother or Sister at the time. I just want to say that each child and marriage that has happened since her death has been a blessing and we hope she has been there through it all – I can’t say it gets easier but a friend once put it…”maybe she served her purpose in life, and we were meant to go on with the knowledge she gave us”….I don’t exactly like the analogy but it is a nice thought nonetheless. I miss her every day and I wish she were here. I know what she would say everytime I think of asking her a question. That gives me comfort – at least I knew her long enough to hear her words. Some kids never knew their Mom and never heard her voice. When you’re in the thick of it all I know it’s hard to take but as someone who’s gone through it,trust me, you’ll make it…and there will come a day where you will forget about her and feel totally guilty but she’ll understand because she’s your Mom.
all I can say is BEAUTIFUL.
Jennifer I am so proud of you for being honest and truthful about how you feel. I know your Mom was the best cause she raised a great daughter. I have a feeling she is aware of all your success and is very proud of you. You are in my prayers.
so sorry you are hurting. while i know that there’s not too much anyone can say to make you feel better right now, i hope that you garner strength from the fact that by sharing your grief, you are helping so many other people who are also struggling. you and your mom did share a bond that was “all love” and i bet she would be so proud of you for working through this with such honesty and grace. thank you!
Hopefully something will turn your frown upside down! 🙁
Wow what a powerful message. Thank you so much for sharing such raw feelings. I never had a mother, but just recently became one. I want so much to be the kind of mother to my daughter as your mother was to you.
You are so strong! I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be in the public eye while dealing with the loss of your mother- let alone embarking on something as big as a TV show without her.
On a lighter note the show was AWESOME! It took me a while to warm up to it. I think because it has a different rhythm than the radio show. But I LOVE IT!
Your Mom will always be your biggest fan. I am sure she is very proud of you. It is alright to miss her, but try to enjoy all the great things going on around you. The show was fabulous. I have been listening to you and Alexis since the beginning. It was nice to be able to curl up on the couch in the comfort of home to watch the show. Usually, I end up sitting in a parking lot, not wanting to miss anything. Sometimes you just need to throw yourself into whatever you are doing and the sad feelings will not seem so intense. Your Mom was right that you look great in color.She will always be with you.
If upon my death my son remembers me as being spectacular, then I have won the human “race”. You were both lucky !
Thank you for this Jennifer. You expressed exactly what I’m feeling and I’m sorry we both have to go through this, but I do believe time will heal. That’s the beauty of life. But in the meantime….. 🙁
Jennifer, I truly believe that your mom sees everything that you do. I know it’s hard to think that way, but she IS proud of you!!! I hope you can eventually start thinking this way because I think it may help you. Keep on keepin’ on! We love you!!
Time, only time will lessen the pain. I feel for you and only wish you happiness. Re-read your Grateful List, you’ll see that you have many wonderful things in your life. You have brought many smiles and laughter to my life, and I wish the same for you.
I’m kind of a tough guy, and this got to me. I will say, though, having lost both parents by the age of 40, you’re not alone. What you’re feeling, believe it or not is healthy. Part of the grieving process and the good news is that you’re putting it in words. Don’t stress: you’ll be fine. Takes time. Allow the sadness. Your shows are fantastic. Just remember: the loss of a parent is like a huge hole. With time, the hole grows smaller, but never goes away. Good on ya, Jennifer.
You are a beautiful writer Jennifer. You express what many others are thinking and feeling about this or other issues related to loss. You should write a book someday. Seriously.
Jennifer, you have an amazing way of putting your feelings into words! And I’m one of those who believes that the loved ones we have lost will always check in on us, and whenever we think of them is when they “visit”. Whether that’s true or not, no one knows, but it’s definitely given me comfort over the years! Stay strong!
Jen, you are so brave to share. The weird thing is I can totally relate- The last thing my mother (who died 5 years ago from breast ca) said to me was “you wear too much black.” To this day whenever I wear black, I think of her and chuckle-we had our wardrobe disagreements. And I promise you’ll get past the memories of your mom’s horrible last days. I was tortured by it and then I dreamed my mom and I were sitting in her living room just talking and she was gorgeous and funny and intelligent and warm. Just the way I wanted to remember her, and to this day that’s how I do. Hang in there sweetheart. Bunny IS proud and the bond is NOT broken.
My dear Jennifer,
You are an inspiration to me and to so many others. To see and hear what is in your heart only helps us to deal with our sorrows. Your mother is “kvelling” at your beauty and your success, and she is with you for sure. How do I know? Everytime I take a piece of food that I shouldn’t and it drops from my hand, I look up and say “Thanks, Mom” for I know she slapped it out of my hand to help me with my struggle to eat healthier. I miss my mommy so much but thoughts of her now bring more smiles than tears.
By the way, I am 67 years old and the Baubie of 4 boys. She was known as “Great Baubie” to everyone. Thank you for letting me share some of my memories with you.
Also, I loved the show, you and Alexis were so funny. My husband was in the other room and he kept asking me “What is making you laugh so hard?” Seeing Martha in her bermuda shorts was priceless. I love you on the radio and now TV. Congratulations!!!
Baubie
I watched someone I love lose their battle with cancer. For a long time, I was haunted by the final images of her. I felt like I couldnt even remember what she looked like before she got sick or even before the sickness got really bad. Gradually something happened though, and now it is harder and harder to remember the final images and much easier to remember all the others from before.
Jen, keep your head up. (And thanks for making me smear my mascara this morning with tears!) Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You’ve made me appreciate my relationship with my aging mother more than I ever expected. By the way, I love the show! You and Alexis both look great.
I have commented before. My Mom died ten years ago from cancer at the age of 61. When I read what you wrote today, I felt like I could have written it myself. I’m so sorry that your Mom will never phone you again. That’s one of the hardest things to get used to.
You’re doing the best you can, and I feel for you.
I wish you peace and comfort.
Jennifer, I lost my father 5 years ago so i understand exactly how you feel. I don’t necessarily agree (respectfully)with what Coni said about “not getting over it” i think there comes a time when you do somewhat “get over it” and realize that its the natural progression of things. unfortunately for some of us, the progression happens too soon. i assure you that someday you will get over the all encompassing grief you feel and memories of your mother won’t cause you pain because she’s not there. I dunno, i LOVED my dad beyond words and i miss him every day but now i can think about him and i don’t feel nearly as grief stricken as i did… until then big hugs! and I have no idea what the makeoverqueen hater guy is talking about i love your hair!!! 🙂
I am crying right now because I have the same conversations with my mother. you sound like me. it doesn’t get easier. everyone who says that is lying. I called my grandmother’s cell phone the other day. My mom had given it to her for christmas one year, and becuase she couldn’t figure it out, my mom left the voicemail message for missed incoming calls. not remembering that, my grandmother’s phone went right to voicemail. and I almost passed out hearing my mother’s voice. I miss her MORE every day. and it will be two years that she’s been gone this December. I feel for you. I really really do.
Heartrending, poignant feelings from your heart and soul. You do have a gift for expressing yourself. Thank you for sharing with us.
I completely empathize with you.
Jennifer,
The key to your post is the “hope” at the end. Your mother gave you the love and support through your life that you needed to not be in despair. Even in your deep sadness, you have the “guts” to work through the pain. As I have said before, we are the lucky ones to have had mothers like yours and mine. You have been given the wisdom of a special woman, you will continue to have a life full of love.
Jennifer my heart goes out to you! I know you’ve heard this a million time but you’re mother is there every step of the way! I truely believe that!
7 years ago this month i lost my mother….i wish i could say it get easier or you miss them any less but i have found my mother has a special place in my heart that its just a empty hole now. BUT I’ll do soemthing or say something and realize thats just what she would do or say and it makes me smile- I’m becoming my mother more and more everyday….wasn’t that the goal when we were young to not be like our parents???? doesn’t seem so bad now
hang in there jennifer! you’re in all of thoughts and prayers
Gosh. I feel like I’m getting so much out of reading your posts.
Thank you SO much for sharing your feelings, Jennifer.
Life is crazy. There are so many layers!
Jennifer, Kristal Wick’s message is a beautiful response to your blog. If we are looking for a hit over the head as evidence of an afterlife, we likely won’t find it. It is in the quiet moments, when we are open – a fleeting thought, a feeling in our hearts, and as Matt says, a “knowing” that they are checking in on us. Give your mom some time, this is new for her too! She is with you every step of the journey and is incredibly proud of you in every way. Thank you for sharing and being so open. You are helping others going through a situation and have support from those of us who have also lost our parents. Bon courage…
Everything you wrote is how I feel. None of my friends have lost their mothers. Mine died 2 1/2 yrs ago (breast cancer). She was 58. I needed her to comfort me because I was so sad but I was sad because she was dead. I needed her to help me choose what to wear to the funeral, I wanted her to hear the speech my 8 year old son wrote for her. I used to think that I could separate my life into before and after I had children; now a new division has occurred, life when I had a mother and life now. I miss her to my core but I too move forward the way my beautiful mother would want me to.
I did watch your show and you LOOK WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jennifer,
No one knows your pain, period. BUT I got so much from reading a book called The Grief Recovery Handbook, by John James and Russell Friedman. It’s 166 pages you can read in one evening. Jennifer, get the book on Amazon and read it, I promise it will help amd I am so sorry for your loss.
You are feeling your feelings when you feel them and doing what you can to cope You are doing the right thing and you will feel bad until you don’t anymore and that is totally okay No timetable. And I felt the EXACT same way when my mother died. You are magnificent!
Liz in Oregon
Your Mom must have been SUCH a special woman – to have a daughter who so loves and admires her as much as you do. It just doesn’t get any better than that – but so much harder to say goodbye. I love the way you write Jennifer – you are very talented in that regard, I guess it runs in your family. You have so much to be proud of.
I’m sorry you are feeling sad. I love what your mom told you about your special bond of love even in the fights. Your mom was amazing! I don’t know what else to say. It must be so hard.
The tears are flowing as I read about your sadness. May time gently soften your pain….May your memories forever remain in your heart.Take this time to keep a diary and write a book to help others heal, who are in the same pain and situations and maybe add a musical CD of healing music….Roma Downy has a lovely CD….Irish Blessing..with soothing song and lovely music…listen to it….you will feel very comforted…Music soothes the soul…and may it sooth yours.
That was beautiful, and so true. I went through the same thing after my dad died. I wanted to share everything with him. She IS proud of you and I am sure she knows how much you miss her. I really dont know how you do it and keep it together. You are amazing!!!! Keep that beautiful chin up..
Take Care,
jenn
She knows.. just watch and listen and be open to the signs, she has not and will never leave you
Jen, I was so touched and moved by this post.
Because of you, I just called my mom and told her I loved her. I don’t do that enough. Thank you, Jennifer (and Bunny).
Hi Jennifer, sorry you are still hurting so much. I can tell that the bond you had with your mom was beautiful. Keep going she is watching and enjoying every laghter and watching all your colors and so are we.
Thank you!
Love you guys.
I will hug my mom extra tight because of your words. And you will feel better with time. Hold onto that, because it is true. It will get better with time. And you will be ok in the long run. Know that by dealing with this grief now, you are moving ahead. Thanks for sharing and know that it does make a difference. I will appreciate my mom a little more because of your words.
I’m so sorry Jennifer.
I am sitting here at work, with tears welling up in my eyes while reading your blog. Striking. Your words suddenly threw the meaning of the word ‘poignant’into sharp focus, the first piece of writing ever to do so for me.
I feel for you in your grief, Jennier. You are so strong to continue to brighten the days of others with the radio show and embark on the great new project. I think your mother would be proud.
Jeff from Boston? You are handsome. Just because of your post. Are you married or do you like boys? Please say no to both.
Jennifer? It sucks and I am so glad you are telling us about it and not pretending. Your face looks sad to me sometimes. It’s the face I had when I lost my dad. It’s okay. xo
I am so sorry for you. I can’t say any more.
Jennifer, big hug!! I’m not sure it ever gets easier but I think the grief changes direction. I lost my Mom 20 years ago, 2 weeks after my Dad died, and I still talk to her all the time. I talk to them both all the time and it’s usually when I do something just like they would have or say something that zaps me back to them. I can’t tell you the number of times that I STILL want to call her every Saturday just like I used to do regularly……..and when I just needed her. I still need her and now I just talk to her and somehow I know how she would have reacted. Hang in there……….adjustment will come in time. Love
Jennifer,
I came across “Whatever, Martha” the other night and loved it! I like Martha, don’t get me wrong, but it’s hilarious to see the oddities and funny stuff talked about with a sense of humor…my kind of stuff. Good job!
I’m sorry to read now about your mother. I knew she was ill last summer, but hadn’t heard about her passing. You and your family have my sympathy. Time is a natural healer – just keep doing what you’re doing and in time…you’ll ‘feel’ a bit less pain. You know what is important – the moment you’re in – so you know your mother would want you to live the rest of your life with laughter, joy, and love (not sadness).
Take care and good wishes for a success with the tv show!
Cindy 🙂
You DO look awesome in color! I love your hair and your laugh makes me laugh.
Jennifer, you rock! In joy and in sadness you put it all out there and I love you for it!!!!
Keep it up, it’s the only way!!!!
Sometimes it feels like you’re doing better and then sometimes it just comes up and slaps you in the face. Today is the latter for me.
My grandfather passed away seven years ago this week. SEVEN years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it seems like forever ago. Today it’s hard to take.
I know how you feel and I’m so sorry that you’re not able to fully enjoy this moment. Know that your mom would want you to be happy though — enjoying every minute of your life. I know you’re not in that place yet and it feels like you may never be; but, hang in there. I promise it gets better. There’s still difficult days, but it does get better.
I just wanted to say.. Thank you I will be seeing be my mom this weekend, you just made me remember to hug her just a little more and cherish every minute I have with her.
you are awesome and so was your mom — we see her amazing ways in you. take care.
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings. Your blog was very touching,moving and so real! It made me think of my dad and grandmother, who I lost recently. Hang in there Jennifer, your Mom is with you now and she is looking out for you and always will be!
Your mom IS listening and she IS proud of you. You say in your blog…..”you would’ve been…” she is. Always know deep down in your heart that she is there every minute of everyday. Talk to her. Tell her how much you miss her. The healing process takes a really long time and eventually you will find yourself celebrating her life more than mourning her death. God bless you. Be strong….for your family..for you mother…for you.
your mom is with you jennifer don’t worry she is proud of you
You weren’t lucky, you ARE lucky! She might be here anymore physically, but that doesn’t take everything else away. I think you’ll see that the day you learn to put the pain on the side. Trust me when I say that the pain doesn’t go away, because the pain is love. There just comes a time when you realize that your life must go on and that’s the green light that helps you move forward.
Jennifer, that just breaks my heart reading that but you know what? Did you ever think that maybe your Mom sends you signs from heaven to let you know she’s there? Like, maybe the phone ringing and then it stops , could be her. You never know. But, what really touched me was the love that you shared between eachother and how close you were. That is soo special Jennifer and even though she may “Physically” not be here , she is soo around you and in your heart. You know that you must believe that. I hope you can find some comfort in that. You are such a wonderful person and for you to put it all out there is a really hard thing to do. And, even though, yes, your Mom should be here, you are keeping her memory alive, everyday.
Oh Jennifer,
I know only too well how you feel. I lost my dad in February and my mom 4 years ago. I can;t tell you how much I miss them. I think of them every day and talk to them all the time. I know the feeling of wanting to pick up the phone and talk to my mom. I took care of my father for the four years after my mother died and became very very close to him. I see his face in front of me everyday and I hear his voice calling me. I can tell you this, it does get easier. I know you think it never will, but trust me it does. You just have to live your life, take care of your kids and husband, enjoy your work and friends and keep moving forward. Your mom is with you every step of the way, you have to know that! She is watching over you and is in your heart. Just take it day by day and I promise you it will get easier.
There are no words…I was so moved by reading this Jennifer. Just know there are people out here who wish they could take this pain away, and so many of us who truly care.
Jennifer you are like a daughter, my daughter is about your age too. We here in virtual land support you and think you will be ok. Your mother would be proud, I am sure your Dad is. We saw the show lkast nite (one segment we missed before. laugh a minute. Alexis is a scream with her inside Martha backround stories. We think we can see why she is teh way she is. You had a more normal childhood. That is why you are the wayyou are. Together you make a great team don’t stop. Alexis and you will be friends a long time. Don’t be sad the show is a success (beats being a lawyer at any rate). Oh any answer on the hello kitty vacume I aksed if you wanted?
How beautiful and touching. I am crying right along with you.
Jennifer–Could not have said it better myself. Such great support out here for you. Hang in there, it does get easier, I promise.
I wish there was something I or anyone else for that matter could say or do to help you right now. I have no way of understanding your pain, but I get a sense of it when I read your posts. You are an excellent writer and a beautiful person.
Heartbreaking, beautiful, and moved me to tears….
Mindy,….you said it perfect. That is/was exactly what I was feeling for Jennifer, too. : )
Jennifer,
I wonder if you would be comforted by the song “Haunted” by Poe. Check it out on itunes. Poe wrote the Haunted album to describe her profound feelings about her father’s death. The entire album is about the grieving process, highs and lows. The song is wrenching but I find it comforting as well, and I have been listening to it as needed for the last 7 years.
Jen….Why you are trying to get sympathy votes for running the show on your mom’s name??? All of us at our office couldn’t understand it. call up your friends and relatives, it’s better.
wow Jennifer that was quite a blog.I’m starting to realize that you still haven’t accepted that your Mom is gone.It was heart wrenching reading this blog actually but I understand your pain.I hope you feel better soon and know that we love you.
Thanks for putting into words the pain of loss of a parent. We are lucky people to “know” Bunny Koppleman through her daughter. I love the new show, finally something worth watching is on channel 625! (Who knew?) Thanks for the laughs and the memories.
I STILL find myself reaching for the phone to call my dad, although not as often as when he first passed –in ’92!!! I promise it dies get better. It will never not hurt, and the void will seem to grow somehow, sometimes. But it will get better. Don’t apologize for feeling this loss as deeply as you do. It’s devastating. Nothing will ever lessen that, but you will get better at handling it, that’s all.. Peace. And Aloha.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.
–Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh
When I read this post, I was worried about comments just like the one from “officegirls.” Jennifer is sensitve and vulnerable. How dare you attack someone for grieving? That post (or any post like it) is crass, hateful and uncalled for.
This post reminded me to appreciate my mom and to make a point of telling her how much she means to me. Thank you for being so open about your feelings and letting virtual strangers get a glimpse of what it must be like to lose a beloved parent. I don’t think I can fully explain how much I needed to see this today, but just wanted to tell you that you have helped at least one person who happens to be annoyed with her mother but loves her intensely.
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling and for your loss.
Somehow I think that your Mom is with you. I was very sick a few years ago, and I was more worried about leaving my children (even though they are adults) and breaking their hearts than myself. Sounds like you had an outstanding Mother who obviously did a wonderful job with you.
Jennifer, this brought tears to my eyes. We can never anticipate when or how those sad feelings will get us, those feelings of missing such a special person who meant the world to us. Although I know it’s hard, and that it may not seem like enough, you have to know that she will always be with you. Be alone with her in your quiet times or visit her resting place and tell her how you feel. You will doubt with everything in you that she can hear you, but I think your heart will tell you that she can.
Dear Jennifer,
I can imagine how hard it is for you especially at this time when the tv show started and she is not around.
I am sure your husband and your kids are so proud of you.
God bless you and God Bless your family.
I agree with Robert and others.I’ve been meaning to post for the last few months that you are a very talented writer. I hope that you will someday expand on this gift. Love the radio and TV shows. My husband even liked the TV shows.
First of all, Jenny- Big hugs to you.
Second, who is the jerk that posted nastiness on a post about you missing your mom? That is so tacky. Why people can’t keep their nastiness to themselves is beyond me. I thought you looked lovely.
The show is great, by the way, and I’m sure your mommy is VERY proud of you. 🙂
Hugs,
Susannah
crying my eyes out. what a sweet and heartfelt tribute to your mother. You’re right…she is always with you! She is {literally} a part of you and she is so proud!
hugs,
andrea
http://www.velvetstrawberries.typepad.com
I didn’t know you lost your mother, I lost my husband 6 months ago. I feel the same way you do, but medication and therapy is helping me! Keep smiling and eventually things will get better.
Jennifer, I couldn’t even finish reading this because it made me so sad. I’m sad for you and afraid to lose my mom even though most of the time I think she’s nuts. What I’m really afraid of is having my son lose me early and not being there for him as long as he needs me. I’m so sorry you are going through this but I think it’s very theraputic and healthy that you are able to express your feelings openly like this and get it out. Holding it in will just manifest itself into problems. I think you’re great and I know your mom would be so proud!
I didn’t know until just last week that your mother had lost her fight. Reading this blog was very difficult for me, I’ve lost my mother too. That always is a heartbreak for me. I talk to her often,and I know she hears me. We are now dealing with my brother’s cancer, and that too is very difficult. But I talk to mom and to dad too, and I feel they are looking down and doing all they can to ease the situation. Your mom is watching you and I am sure she’s so very proud.
Oh Jennifer. What a sweet note to your mother. I agree with all the others…your Mom was with you the entire time. I wish that my mother and I could have the same relationship. I am sorry for your loss…
Jennifer, your note to your mom brought me to tears and inspired me to call my dad, whom I don’t talk to nearly enough. Thank you for sharing that with us.
I love your show and I’m going to have to get tv in my truck so i can watch Whatever, Martha. You and Alexis are awesome.
Oh Jen! I am so crying for you right now! Just know that your mom is here with you through all of the good and bad things happening in your life. Open your heart and mind, you can feel her everywhere I am sure. She will never leave you as long as you remember. Keep talking to her she can here you.
My heart aches for you.
I hugged my mom out of the blue today. Thank you for sharinf, I totally get it.
Oh, Jennifer, I feel your pain…and pray that your pain goes away sooner than later. I cannot say that I understand, but I do feel your pain and send my love for anything that it’s worth. You are beautiful, by the way.
your line “mommy, I miss you. I mean I really miss you” gave me a pain in my heart because I used to say those exact words to myself so many times after my mom died. I feel your pain and my heart aches for you. Your mom knows how much you love her and she knows how much you miss her now!
Jennifer-the first year is horrible, it never gets great, but you will remember all the good times and be gratful for them.
This was difficult to read… through my tears.
BIG HUG to you Jennifer. We love you!! Keep on keeping on.