1. my natural hair color was red when i was younger. now it is (unfortunately) quite gray mixed with red and mousy brown.
2. i don’t think i have to grieve "a bit more privately". i think grieving happens as it does. most days i keep it together in public well…but some days it is just too difficult. i am a believer in going through the emotions so that i will get to the other side of them. i am feeling everything and working through it. i am focused on taking better care of myself and i get dressed in work clothing most days (i don’t wear pjs to work very often anymore!) and i am sure at some point i will talk to a therapist- i know it would be good for me- but i am not ready to do that just yet. oh and alexis is good to me when i am sad. she’s kidding (kind of) about not being able to deal with my crying.
3. keith is doing ok. we are dealing with taking care of his mother now. we are there for eachother. and of course i tell him i love him. my kids are ok too. i do not neglect them nor bring them down with my sadness, in fact i am strongest when with them. as for the rest of my immediate family- my father, brother and sister- each are handling the loss of my mother in his/her own way. i don’t feel comfortable blogging about their healing because i don’t think it is mine to tell but we do all take care of eachother.
4. to contact me directly you can always email whateverradio@gmail.com or message my facebook: jennifer koppelman hutt.
5. there are no plans to sue anyone. the oncologist’s medical treatment was not below the standard of care and my mother’s diagnosis was a death sentence. i don’t blame my mother’s oncologist for her death, i just don’t like the guy.
6. to the girl who lost her fiance to suicide a couple of weeks ago… i am so sorry. i don’t think anyone would expect you to move on from it a couple of weeks after it happened. if you do not have an outlet to let your feelings out then please find one for yourself… whether it is in the form of a therapist, friends, family, a journal or a blog etc. and in terms of getting through the day, just keep going. also, i think there is no wrong way to deal with loss. so please be gentle with yourself. i can only imagine how terrible you must be feeling. again i am so sorry and feel free to contact me anytime (see above).
7. yes, i have expressed my gratitude to dr. death several times. my whole family did.
thank you to all the compassionate people who took the time to comment and to the ones who are irritated by my grief, i should be done ranting about it for a while. (but i make no promises!)
xxx
jennifer
aim:whateverradio
facebook: jennifer koppelman hutt
One thing I’ve learning in my 41 years of life is that there is not just one way to grieve.
Warm regards.
Dear Jen
You just grieve any way you want……whatever works for you works for YOU. Take care of yourself and your family.
It is awful losing a parent to cancer as I have and for me it was 21 years ago……..and it takes time sweetie, time.
Peace be with you.
WLW822@yahoo.com
Hi Jennifer,
Isn’t it strange (or not) that people feel free to say anything to you cuz they’re in front of a screen. It’s your blog and you can say whatever the eff you want to. It’s shocking how mean some people are. Your feelings and story are informative and relevant. Everyone will be touched by cancer and death in their lifetime. Not that the two are mutually exclusive. I love that you’re so honest about your feelings. You’re an ordinary person going through an extraordinary time of learning and growth and reading your blog is teaching many people what grieving looks and feels like. Thanks for letting me read your story.
Hi Jennifer,
I love to read your blog, I lost my father 6 years ago two months before my 1st child Sarah was born. I am still not over it and now I don’t feel so guilty because I felt like you did, I still do not like Doctors or believe much of what they tell me. We call the hospital my father was in pass away pavilion.
My heart goes out to you, I lost my Father, Grandfather and several friends to cancer and it is a terrible, horrible thing to have to go through. You have to deal with it in your own way. Personally, I think the fact that you get up everyday and go to work is a huge accomplishment — don’t know if I could do it.
I like you and your blog so just keep it all real:-) So many of us relate to your life (the ups and downs).
Keep up the good work!
To the doctor:
My wife went to the doctor for heavy bleeding and he gave her pills (here try this).Then she went for a stinky heavy discharge and well here take this pill. She finally had to lie to him to get an ultrasound and when the results came back they filed them away for months.The results STAGE 4b CANCER. My mother has stage 3 breast cancer that the doctor said was nothing.I have heard so many stories of doctors not doing there jobs and then people get late stage cancer.Then people say you have to be proactive.What should we all do, go and learn every symptoms of every fatal desease(I thought that was what we pay doctors 100.00 dollars an hour for.Sounds to me you should snap back to reality(Most doctors do not care)
Since we do not share the same Shul, I give you this in honor of your dear mother:
Yeetgadal v’yeetkadash sh’mey rabbah. Amen
B’almah dee v’rah cheer’utey v’ yamleech malchutei, v’yatzmach purkonei vikorov mishichei. Amen
b’chahyeychohn, uv’ yohmeychohn, uv’chahyei d’chohl beyt Yisroel, ba’agalah u’veez’man kareev, v’eemru: Amein. Amen
Y’hey sh’mey rabbah m’varach l’alam u’l’almey almahyah yeet’barakh,)
Y’hey sh’mey rabbah m’varach l’alam u’l’almey almahyah. Yeet’barach, v’yeesh’tabach, v’yeetpa’ar, v’yeetrohmam, v’yeet’nasei, v’ yeet’hadar, v’ yeet’aleh, v’ yeet’halal sh’mey d’kudshah b’reech hoo. Amen
L’eylah meen kohl beerchatah v’sheeratah, toosh’b’chatah v’nechematah, da’ameeran b’al’mah, v’eemru: Amein. Amen
Y’hei shlamah rabbah meen sh’mahyah,v’chahyeem tovim aleynu v’al kohl Yisrael, v’eemru: Amein. Amen
Oseh shalom beem’roh’mahv, hoo ya’aseh shalom aleynu v’al kohl yisrael v’eemru: Amein. Amen
Shalom, and be well!
Your blogging is great.If it helps you then you sould not have to worry how many times you do it because it’s your blog, so rant all you want! It was nice of you to answer all the questions too. Amy
Jenn,
I really admire your openness, your willingness to share your thoughts while you work through your grief. I really am sorry that you and all of those who have lost a loved one, are hurting. I think those people who right such mean-spirited responses have not lost anyone meaningful in their lives (lucky them) since there is NO WAY anyone who has experienced death would write such nonsense, and just downright horrible words. Jennifer, this is your blog and you can write whatever you want, whenever you want. Disregard those lackeys.
In any event, you are doing remarkably well given what you have gone through. I lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago – our experience differed from yours in that we were blessed with kind and caring doctors, very open and honest. There was never a question in our mind that they were direct and upfront with what was happening and that his death was imminent and they gave so much to us in dealing with that. I just wasn’t aware what an exception that was. (I had a friend in California whose mother died about 9 months before our dad. They had a similar situation to yours. The doctors were shooting her with high doses of chemo to the last 4 days and never told the family how ill she was. Needless to say, her death was painful for her and her family. That’s just wrong.)
Take care, Jennifer
Sal
the people that have nothing better to do than to write stupid & hurtful crap are a bunch of a-holes. let out your emotions…definitely worse if you hold them in!
xoxo
Another comment from me..When my Brother Mike died in a car wreck I felt like I wanted to crawl in the hole with him when he was buried..Morbid yes but true. I didn’t dare say this outloud for fear of being hauled to the psyciatrist. The truth is I was depressed with good reason, he was young and my best friend. I got through it with alot of time. I didn’t need medication, I needed my brother back. It is now 5 years and I’m on the other side of the deep sorrow and loss that I felt (thank God). I’ve never hurt like that but am more equipped to handle death now. Just feel it and get through it. It will get better.
To those who say you should grieve in private, maybe they should keep their ignorant oppions to themselves. Obviously they have never lost anyone, and do not know what it is like to go through the horrible proccess of grieving. Just keep doing what you are doing Jennifer.
YAHOO! (Should I trademark that?) Anyway, glad to see 12 caring and positive remarks!! (Dancing about his office like a mad man!)
Part of your roller coaster ride this week may be the fact that it is the 1st major holiday without your mother. I don’t pretend to know how you celebrated your Jewish Holidays, but from what I read on google, your mother was a wonderful hostess. Ebbs and flows. Embrace, respect, and
honor your grief. She was the heartbeat of your family, and now the heartbeat is silenced. You will continue on, and your family will find a new type of happiness Her spirit lives on.
Love yourself. Be good to yourself. The rest will come.
Jennifer, I am so sorry for your loss. It seems to be one of those things that you never really get over. I am 56 now and I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer on Christmas Eve 35 years ago. She was 53 and her doctor first said she had one year then he decided that the radiation would cure her but it didn’t. It was 1 year and 2 weeks after they found it that she left us. Remember all of the good stuff and move forward as much as you can. Time heals.
No need to make any promises… This is your blog, your life, your grief. You may deal with it any way you want. Period.
Hello. Please look to the top left of your screen. You’ll notice that the name of this website/blog/radio show is Whatever. This means that the authors/hosts can talk or write about Whatever thay want. Baking, shopping, working, reading, grieving, pooping, schtupping…it’s all free game here. If you don’t like the subject matter, don’t read it, or don’t listen. Thanks!
Jennifer I love reading your blog and about your true feelings and emotions. People should go somewhere else if they don’t like it here. Peace and comfort to you and your family.
hi Jennifer…I’ve really only one thing to say (and it might wind up as a very long one thing).
This is your blog, and to anyone who was irritated by your expressing your grief, I can only say ‘GET OVER IT”. A person starts a blog to express themselves, and not to make someone reading it happy. If it annoys you to read these things, then stop reading all together.
Again Jennifer, I’m so sorry that you went through the things you did when you lost your mother. Most of the people who read your blog do care, ignore the ignorant among us who feel they have the right to dictate what you blog about.
Bren
Jennifer,
You keep doing what you are doing! If it helps to write your feelings on your blog – then do it! If you need to cry – then cry!
BTW – I’m a GH girl also. I also watch OLTL – that’s a NYC based show maybe you could sip a soda on that show one day!
Thank you, Jennifer, for your honest responses. You and Alexis make a great team and brighten many of my days, but i also appreciate your willingness to share bits of your life that are less than cheery.
Dear Jennifer,I have watched your martha shows and want you to know how much happiness and laugher you have brought me. I am very sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you .
Jennifer,
Simply put….you are one great gal!
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you honesty in expressing your grief. I think you are very brave to expose your feelings for all the world to not only see but often judge. As you are a gifted writer, please consider writing book on this subject matter. I truly believe your willingness to share your experience with grief is very helpful for so many people. You are able to provide the vocabularly and the clarity that many, many people are feeling. Think about it, OK?
You didn’t mention your Dad. How is he doin? I was driving home with my wife Joan from a meet up with my daughter. She got the results that her baby is a girl, so we were very happy. Anyway we were almost home and Alexis let fly at the McCain caller. We were very happy she finally has had enough and blew her top, rightly so. However, Jennifer, you need to get your facts right when debating teh callers. Like weathermen? Not weatherman. Anyway you were too young. Your Dad and I were in the political time of 68. Ask him about those times, he has some good stories. Anyway we were shocked that the callers used teh same exact words that we heard from my sister in law. She voted for bush 2X. The exact words like I am scared of Obama. But had no back up to it. The Acorn? Are all these people using teh same tv network or news media? Wierd. The Ayres thing and the scared thing. the exact words what are the chances? She jsut sold her home in huntington station at a big loss. She and my brother are moving to VA. today. I would have thought they would be mad at Bush with this economy screwing them, but no they are scared Obama will ruin the economy? Do another call in but have some help from down thh hall the left channel? Alexis keep going you have it right.
Nice. Now that’s what I’m talking about!!! Kind and compassionate bloggers! I love it!!!
Hi Jennifer….just like all the others have said…this is your blog, and you should write whatever you want…NO one is forcing the negative people to read. And besides, you have an amazing gift for putting your thoughts and feelings into words….maybe you should write a book to help others who are/will be going thru this as well!
This is Jennifer’s effing blog and there are Jennifer’s effing feelings and if readers/listeners can’t respect that, then they should tune out, stop reading or start their own blogs. Don’t criticize the way she grieves, you cannot understand this pain until you have experienced it yourself.
I enjoy reading the blogs of those who I seem to relate to, so many are able to express themselves in ways I don’t seem to be able to put into words easily, and that is why this is one of my favorite places and why I love Whatever. I get it, no matter where we stand in live, we all experience the same things, and blogs like this and the show validate that. When I listen to the two talking back and forth, even over each other, its like being in the same room, its how things are among friends. I have a friend of 20 + years who is making it very difficult to be with right now, so I think Alexis is the friend doing the best she can for Jennifer, they care for each other, but it’s really hard to know what to do, so you just do what you always do, you stand by, close by and you listen, that’s what the readers of this blog do who feel these two are becoming our friends, we stand by with our love and hope the support we can give is the right stuff. So rant away Jennifer.
Connie (grammag)
Hey Jenn,
That deodorant you mentioned last week?THE BOMB!!! I put it to the test! Applied in the AM, went to work, went to gym (did not shower after), went to bed, next morning FRESH! I also found if for $15.
To echo what everyone else is saying, please continue to share your feelings about your Mother’s untimely passing whenever and however you’d like. It’s your blog and you express yourself so beautifully when you write about your Mother that it would be a real shame for you to silence yourself because of a few idiots and their passive aggressive bullsh*t.
Jennifer, you should write whatever you want on your blog. I appreciate that you share your feelings about your mother’s death. My boyfriend died less than a year ago and it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my feelings of pain, anger, sadness, and the many, many other emotions that come from the loss of a loved one. Thank you!
what is the name of the deodorant, feeling fresh? Where do you get it?
I need to try a new one…Thanks!
i think alot of people who say ‘get over it’ and dont seem able to understand your pain and grief — so new — did not lose a parent that was so excellent. alot of mothers and fathers are just not that great. they are selfish, they do not support their kids endeavors and goals. they want to spend their time and money on themselves, not on their kids. bunny obviously was an extraordinary mother. so many are. so when you have a mom that is there for you, not matter what, that truly loves you unconditionally, that thinks you are fantastic and wonderful when you yourself doubt it, the hole that is left in your life when that parent dies is so totally overwhelming. your champion, your hero — gone, forever. the champion of your children — gone, forever. it is so terrible. some people; are glad when their parent dies, finally rid of them and their criticisms, their judgmental ways, their put downs. these types will, unfortunately, never never understand. that is truly sad.
i love reading your postings. i am sorry about your mom. you sound very strong and you surround yourself with genuine people. thank you for sharing your process of healing.
on a separate note, i am willing to accept your hello kitty donation 🙂
Jenny, I lost my Grandma almost two years ago and it still hurts everyday! I was at the farmers market the other day and burst into tears because I was Nothern Spy apples. She said she could never find there here (New Hampshire she used to live in Michigan and they always had them there) so I ordered them from someplace in the west. But now that she is gone there they were. So kinda weird but I bought some and put them on her gravestone. It made me happy but just as sad. Keep you head up girl!
Grief is not pretty and some cannot accept that which is not pretty. They live in a world veiled by their rose colored glasses. But what we keep inside, stays inside until one day it has to come out. No one likes to deal with anything that causes us pain. It is so wonderful that you have such a great support system. When you hold those children, that is Bunny still there with you and you are holding her. Jen you are very wise to deal with your suffering so transparently. I continue to pray for you. Remember one day at a time.
to the person who said you should greive more privately…WHATEVER!
People greive in lots of different ways, you have an outlet, use it. Greive, it’s best to get it out and not let it fester. I honestly don’t know if it gets better, or easier, but it gets a bit more distant perhaps. My dad died 8 years ago from lung cancer, and it just doesn’t go away. However, now, some mornings I wake up and it doesn’t hit me like a ton of bricks before I open my eyes. Some days I don’t have to take a deep breath and steady myself. Some days I just am.
I hope your days get easier.
joycelyn
To all of you that left kind responses, I give you this quote by Amelia Earhart :
No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
Thank you and G*d bless.
Ken Jones
JELLO SHOTS
3 packages of Jello containing sugar
2 1/2 cups vodka
3 1/3 cups water
Bring the water to a boil and remove from heat. Slowly stir in the Jello until dissolved. Wait 3 minutes, then stir in the vodka.
Pour into individual shot-size cups and freeze.
Submitted by :
Strange Brewmister 🙂 (( HUGS ))
Jenn I think you are doing ok. You need to get out all the pain and hurt or you will go crazy. Everyone talks to people they work with about loss, it just so happens that you work w/ an entire nation rather than just a few people. There are always going to be those who don’t understand and aren’t compationate enough just to let you talk. Just ignore them as much as you can and know that there are those of us who sympathize with you and wish you and your family well.
Hugs!
Buffy
Here’s a question, what does Keith do for a living? Does he still act? He’s very handsome Jennifer. Lucky you! 🙂
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your life with us. My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. I love your TV show – and look forward to each new episode. You quite simply rock!
jennifer, im sorry about your loss, i also lost my dad at 62 4 years ago to cancer, he was ill for a very long time, your grief will continue for as long as it takes. no one can predict, we all deal with things differently, there is no right or wrong way, its hard to lose a parent, dont hide your feelings for the sake of others. you have the right to be angry,sad,and shocked. its a shitty thing to happen, my thoughts are with you
Jenny, We are all here for you! You grieve anytime and anywhere and anyhow you want to. Now is not the time to worry about what people think about you. Let it out!!!!!
Love Ya
Jennifer, Thanks for sharing your feelings about your Mom with us. I lost my Mom (she was 63) 2 years ago. The numbness wore off after about a year and the real pain and sadness set it. By listening to you, it helped me realize that what I was feeling is normal. No one can ever understand the pain and sorrow one feels by watching their Mom die – until they’ve been through it themselves. Thanks again for sharing and showing us that what we are also going through is okay.
Jennifer-
F all those idiots who said you shouldn’t vent on the show/your blog. The show is Whatever- hello! Don’t give it a second thought. Vent away girlfriend. I couldn’t drag myself away from the radio. Hang in there-
Lovely–last time I saw something like that was on my dermatologist’s wall. Keep your hair down for a while, okay?
Jennifer, you are wonderful and so sweet and funny. Keep sharing your feelings. The real fans don’t have issues with you saying whatever the heck it is you feel. I haven’t been on the blog much lately — been trying to spend more time with my 3 cats (yeah, I know it sounds silly but I do love them so), and just busy in general, but when I do read a blog that I can’t help commenting on…well, I just think you’re great and so appreciate having the show every day. I hope you two girls know how much your fans really appreciate your radio show. Lots of love.