another month. another holiday. another "first" without my mom.
i got through rosh hashanah and yom kippur. keith’s birthday and my son’s 10th birthday came and went. halloween was yesterday. that leaves thanksgiving, my nephew’s barmitzvah, chanukah, new year’s, my mom’s birthday, my birthday, my dad’s birthday, passover, my brother’s birthday, my other nephew’s barmitzvah, my niece’s birthday, mother’s day, my other nieces’ birthdays, my daughter’s birthday. (my sister turned 40 july 11, 3 days after my mom died) and any and all other "firsts" i can’t think of now.
and after all the "firsts" am i supposed to miss her less?!
the thing is i am getting used to life without my mom. and that makes me sad.
i don’t look for her in my parents’ house anymore because it has sunk in that she isn’t there.
harsh reality of time i suppose. and i don’t pick up the phone to call her anymore, i just wish that i could.
but i still miss her like crazy. and it still sucks that she died.
xxx
jennifer
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No you never miss them less, and suddenly you realize you miss them more because for a while it was easier. I don’t want to get you down, I just want you to know, it is because you loved her so much that it hurts and will always hurt. But you will get through the days and life does go on you just learn to live your life a little differently. XOXO, MB
You’ll miss her less, but it still hurts. Maybe on all those ‘special’ events in the next 8 months you can set a place at the table for your mom, or have her favorite flowers there. You’ll think of something. I still have my mom, but my grandmom helped raise me and my 3 brothers. I use to call her everyday. I know, it’s like a void in your heart. You’ll do fine because you are strong and you have awesome people in your life.
jen…I know you don’t want or need anyone to tell you how to feel for all these “firsts” that you will be going though…I sure wouldn’t like it if someone told me how to feel…(I know you feel a BUT coming)….but…one thing that helped our family is things that you have already done and may have forgotten. Whenever our family is together someone always brings up something funny that my Dad or grandma said or done at family gatherings. They were both so-o-o funny and had a heart of gold. Sure we miss them….but they were such”bigger then life”people…that when we remember things that they said or done…they seem to be there with us. Do you know what I mean?….anyway…when I started writing this to you, you had only 1 comment. I’m a slow typer…anyway what I’m getting to is….NO ONE BETTER TALK SHITY ABOUT YOUR BLOG THIS TIME!!!!!! IF PEOPLE DON’T RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS THAT YOU POUR OUT ON YOUR OWN BLOG THEN PISS ON ‘EM. lOVE TO YA JEN.XX
I am sooo sorry that you lost your mom. I can only imagine the grief you feel.. I send you hugs… My mom is 85 and not in very good health. I’m 56, and still I dread the day she passes. It will be hard for me and my siblings, and we have had her in our lives for years and know she is nearing the end of her life. Life does go on, but there are days for sadness and days for gladness. Cherish your mom’s memory always Jennifer
Love your show, Miriam
My dad died the day before my birthday (which is Nov. 7th.) 16 years ago and my birthday has never been the same since. It is supposed to be the one day a year that a person can be happy for no reason, and that was taken away from me. All of the “firsts” are tough, but a therapist told me it would surprise me how hard the second year would be and boy, was she right. You feel like you should be over it by then and then it hits you a second time. It has gotten easier, but it is still tough some days.
Of course it sucks. It always will. 4 years later I still cry for no apparent reason when I think of my dad. It is less now than it was in the beginning. When a John Wayne movie comes on I want to call him to tell him to be sure and watch. When I watch football with my husband, I can hear my dad cuss the Dallas Cowboys or cheering them on and that makes me smile and laugh. Still. It sucks that I’ll never see my dad again. The “firsts” were the hardest. Halloween was yesterday and my parents anniversary would have been the day before. I forgot until just now. My mom didn’t mention it and she is getting through it. Just remember your family loves you and you have listeners and viewers who think you ROCK and we care about you. Take care of yourself. Have a great weekend.
Kim
I recently hooked up on facebook with friends from high school I haven’t seen in 20 years. All of them asked ‘How’s your mom?’ and I had to tell them she was dead. It’ll be 5 years in February and I can’t believe it. It’s not a daily or even weekly ache anymore, thank god, but it’s always in the back of my mind and sometimes I get good and pissed about it.
It has gotten easier for me. It’s been 4 years since my father passed after a full year of a horrific illness. I used to count first then seconds but sometime when I didn’t notice, I stopped counting. It doesn’t diminish the fact that I miss him or seem that he’s forgotten, it’s just easier. It just is. It will come to you…Trust us, your friends who’ve been down your road.
Sending best thoughts your way..
You just have to know that she is with you.. she made you, her voice is inside you head. Just listen… know.. believe…
My Dad passed away 28+ years ago. I was pregnant with my only child. I was devastated, for many, many reasons other than the obvious. After all this time, I still miss him. I suppose I miss him at really strange times. You would think the holidays would be the worst….that did pass for the most. I don’t actually feel sad, I just know that when I have bad times, I want him here. Most recently, when I met Ralphie, I wished he were here. Daddy was a man who just wanted to belong. Ralphie would have made him belong.
In summary, after all the babbling, it is only natural to get accustomed to her absence. You have to…it is a matter of survival.
An Arkansas in New York.
P.S. Yes, this is my real name…I have spoken to you guys a couple of time.
I am sickened that my cable provider does not carry the Fine Living Channel. I can see excerpts on line…..is there a way to see the entire segments.
Jennifer….you are absolutely gorgeous……slap that Alexis when she tells you to get on the treadmill. Yes, good friends are to be blatantly honest…but…..
Talk to you soon!
Love you both.
Jennifer, I’m so sorry for the pain you’re feeling. I know that when my Mom dies I’ll probably have to be sedated for a long time. You’ve been very strong carrying on with your life and your career, an inspiration.
Yes, me again. After a while, for the most part, you ALWAYS remember the best of the best….they are great! With my Dad, now he wasn’t the best Dad or even close to it, but I do remember how very much he loved me and how he would have loved Jeni.
So sorry you’re going through this. My thoughts are with you.
This is not about your post…hope you don’t mind. I purchased the Clarisonic. I am confused. My “combs” vibrate but the head does not turn…..is that what is supposed to do? I want the best out of it….but I love it anyway. So does Ralphie’s 15 year old daughter….Jeez…Cheez and Crackers….I am 50 and helping raise a 15 and 17 year old….insanity!
Yes, it does still suck that she died. You sound like you are doing good (on the air). Just keep doing what you are doing. You will get through this.xxx
Nope you are not supposed to miss her less. It’s God’s way of healing your soul abd showing you all the people in your life that need YOU!
Jennifer, I lost my father to colon cancer when I was 24. He was 52. We were very close. Best friends. You are not going to believe it now, but I promise you it does get easier. It just takes time. That’s the hardest part, getting through that time. But I will tell you this, too, as hard as it is to get through the time it takes, meanwhile your precious children are growing up. Don’t blink. I can tell you this time with them growing up will go by so fast!! Try to enjoy every minute of it every day. You are going to blink and they will be out of college and married and move 10 hours away. I’m not kidding, looking back, it goes by incredibly fast.
That’s all so sad…
ohh Jen, heres a hug ***** !! sad but true.. you never miss them any less… time does fly.. the pain lessen a little with time.. the void they leave in your life never quite fills up.. you just get busy and do not get too much time to think about them as often..hmmm the best thing is to pray sometimes.. for your mom to be at a better place and for yourself to stay strong and going on without her.. You are an icredible person.. great energy and great personality! Your mom will always be happy for you and watching over you forever..
Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. My Mom lives with my family and she is a pistol. She is 79 and has some dementia. I am her care giver with some help from an agency. I enjoy our a lone time together with her stories of her growing up. All situations are different and we should relish our lives and cherish our families as long as they are with us and then we have all of those great memories. Please honor Bunny at every occasion by telling all of the wonderful and funny things she did. Please share some of those with all of us. I loved the shoes from Barney’s story. Luv you PS
Hi Jennifer, It just never gets easier does it? I HATE death. It is so permanant and is the one thing that can never change. The utter emptiness of it so devastating. I think it is okay to put it on the “back burner” for a while and not be guilty. As time goes by it just gets a little easier to handle it. Love ya, Barb
Jennifer think about it, there is a first for everything in life. Happy or sad there is always a FIRST. You must try to find peace with your Mom’s death. It isn’t easy but you can do it. It’s okay that you are getting use to life without your Mom, it is a natural progession. Should you stop your life now and not have anymore “first”. Your son or daughter’s first whatever. You and your husband have a lot of “first” to look forward to, so for your own sake try to move on. It is just another part of growing up no matter how old you are, there is always room for growing
Oh yes, the firsts are usually the hardest. Then maybe the seconds and thirds are easier, then for whatever reason it will be hard again. Truth is, you loved your mother dearly and it will always hurt some. Just sometimes more than others. My mom died 17 years ago when I was 20. It still hurts. This experience has forever changed you and shaped who you are now. Let yourself hurt and miss her as much as you need to. The pain does get better, but you will always miss her.
Hello Jennifer i truely understand all of your first. I to lost my mom Aug.31,07 and its just been a year,and it seems like yesterday. Its going to be a long time thinking and talking about her as i do still. I enjoy talking about my mom,its seem like she’s still around me. And i to use to call my mom up everyday and that was the hardest thing. Knowing i couldn’t pick up the phone and talk to her about anything.The weather,the young and the restless or how to cook something. She was a great cook. She gave me alot of wisdom that i’ll always remember. So don’t think that you are alone Jennifer!!!! You only get one Mom and mine and yours are gone in flesh only, you’ll always have her words and your thought of her. God bless you Jennifer!!!! and keep talking about your mom. Freida
Jennifer, I lost my mom when I was 21 and she 57…devestated doesn’t describe it but I went on to have a fulfilled life, children homes happiness etc. she was always missed. However, this July 29 my 5 yr old son Jacob was killed in an auto accident due to a defective booster seat in a routine accident. He was an outstanding midlife surprise and blessing to our family….adored and spoiled by all.Anyway, The pain cannot even begin to be described in words. I am in no way trying to say your grief is not warranted…god knows it is and its awful but to help you maybe you could really focus on what you DO have and what your mom did leave to you and your children in heart and in memories. That’s the only thing getting me through this Godawful nightmare.Be well and good luck. Thanks for your wonderful show….it helps me through the really dark times.
Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy on July 2nd, one day after my 36th birthday. I am struggling too and I know your pain. His due date is coming up on November 21st, then Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the rest….my peace is knowing my son is in Heaven and we’ll have eternity with him there. Prayer is what has gotten me through and I am praying for you Jennifer.
Maybe you arent getting used to life without her, but realizing that she is actually still there with you. Instead of picking up the phone, you can just talk to her out loud. You will see signs that she hears you and is around. Today is my Grandmothers 94th birthday. She died on Thanksgiving, almost two years ago. Wish them Happy Birthday on their day.Ask them for help when you need it. I hope you find peace with this.
Hang in there Jennifer! Every time you think of her, she’s with you!
It totally sucks. You have my complete sympathy.
Grief is not a linear process, I think the “Ugg slipper” days come and go, and it helps to have distractions & a schedule that keeps you busy. L. xoxo
Hey Jennifer –
I lost my dad when I was 28 and that’s 20 years ago, and yes of course with time it is not so overwhelming. But… every once in awhile I will just sob thinking about him. So. It is definitely a part of your journey.
Your posts on this are so great. You are a bit of a writer you know… I think you may have a book here with the posts about your mom…
xx
Hi Jennifer – yes it sucks and it will always suck! I lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago a few days after Mother’s Day. She was only 63 and was way too young. I told her I was going to bury a cell phone with her…who was I gonna call to find out how long to boil the eggs for? The first year sucked, the second year sucked even more. This year is sucks a little less…no one to call when you are going in for a hysterectomy to tell you it will be okay. No one to call to tell that your 13 year old is being a witch – what I wouldn’t give to here her laugh and to tell me it was payback time.
What you are feeling is felt by many – it’s good to talk about it – good to feel it – better than being numb – it means you are alive! Embrace it – shed a tear and keep moving…its what she’d tell you to do.
yes …..i know exactly how you feel….i get a lump in my throat when i read your blog….i feel exactly the same, and it’s been just about 5 years now i lost my mom, and she was 80. It comes in spurts….there’s a time when you could talk and laugh about her and there’s a time when it hurts to much to think about it. it never gets better ….sorry…….but it goes in longer stretches. But you still and always will miss them. My mom just missed my daughter’s wedding, or should i say we missed her at the wedding. It sucks!!!! No matter what!!!
there is NOTHING like your mom, NOTHING AT ALL.
Jennifer,
I hope this message finds you a little happier than your blog entry sounded to me. I listen to your show as much as I can and I really love it.
I am so so sorry about your mom and there are not words that I have to help you out.
I made it through my own bout with cancer a few years ago and I know how much is sucks….mine got better, wish your mothers would have also. Enjoy what you have your life sounds full and for the most part happy.
Hang in there, and hello to Alexis!!
Bruce in AZ
Oh, sweetheart. My thoughts are with you.
Over time you won’t miss your mom less, you will miss her different. My dad died of cancer 7 years ago I still miss him everyday. In my family we try to have something for him at every party. His favorite food, candy he liked, a recipe he made, a song we all know is for him. Outside the family may not know the significance, we’ll either tell them or not. We also still talk a lot about him, what he would have said, etc. I’ve heard and believe it’s true, “The stronger your love, the stronger your grief.”
Karen
Jenn…just keep writing. It helped me a lot. Lost my Dad 1.5 yr ago & I am still writing down things here & there. All of it–funny things, sad things, angry, reflective, historical. You’ll see. God Bless.
Hang in, she’s with you
So heartbreaking!
Jennifer–I am sorry you are hurting, my mom died 20 years ago, it does get easier but somee days, even 20 years later, it still sucks! I just know when I have a problem, mom would have known exactly what to do. Love to you and your family. You can miss her and talk about her all you want….we will all listen.
Jennifer, this might sound dumb but it really helps. Keep a file on your computer just for letters to your mother. Write to her about how sad you are and things that you miss about her. Write to her all the happy things that happen or things that she might have found funny. It really helps. You will always miss her and you will think about her on every holiday and important milestone in your life but it will hurt less. You’ll get through this.
Jennifer, you don’t miss them less. You just get used to the feeling. it’s like a broken arm or something. You know it’s there, you just get used to it. Does this make any sense? There is no easy answer as to how to deal with such a huge loss, but actually I think you are doing great. And by the way, I think you focus on your weight too much. I see you on “Whatever Martha” and you know what? You look happy and healthy and full of joy. That’s what is important!
Jennifer…you will never stop missing her. There are days her absence will be more keenly felt. I wish I could say it will get easier, but experience is that it doesn’t. Just think of her on those special days…it’s not the same as her being there, but including your memory of her in that day will help.
Jennifer: I think you will ALWAYS miss your mom but the stabbing pain will subside after a long while (and yes, this is also sad noting that the stabbing pain has ebbed). Just part of missing such a significant person in your life — its your ma for petes sake!
I cannot imagine how you feel….I am grateful both of my parents are still here however at times I dread the time they will be no longer, I sm sometimes envious in a weird way of my friends who already lost their parents and been through the grieving process…I will not be prepared at all…I just enjoy as much as possible….your mother is right beside you!
Hey Jen, I know you posted before how you don’t like to write about how your family is dealing with your Mom’s death- but I was just wondering how your Dad is doing? Do you get to see him often?
I will understand if you don’t want to respond- but just to let you know I will say a prayer for the whole family for continued comfort.
Sweet Jennifer- I know how you hurt. I am in the same boat. I lost my mom on May 22nd this year in a car accident. I too am going through my own list of “Firsts.” I don’t think we will ever be the same after losing our moms. I know though that I am a better woman for having her as a mother. Some women don’t know what it is like to love like this. That is sad. Grief really freaking sucks…..And I am tired of crying in the grocery store and in all of the stores we shopped in for my whole life.
But I am so grateful to have had a fabulous mother. I am sure your mom was fabulous to you as well! I haven’t been listening to the show much since the accident, so I missed the news of your loss. I am so very sorry. I will keep you and my family in prayer.
i get envious of you (and others) who have had such great relationships with their parents. i have a horrible relationship with mine and can’t imagine saying as many sweet things about them as you have about your mother. hopefully your good memories will help you get through the hard firsts.
it’s been almost 10 years that my mom died and although the pain in my heart has lessened, i miss her every single day. i dont think that goes away ever.
Well, that’s a happy and refreshing way to start the month! Can this be MORE depressing? Wow.
Jen, thank you for chroniciling you grief process. It’s amazing and oddly comforting to me realizing how similar we humans are. I was aware of all the things you mentioned too. My little girl had her 1st birthday the day befor my Mom died from cancer. It seemed awful to associate those two events with each other, but as the years have passed there is something beautiful about associating my daughter with my mother-like they will always be bonded through this circle of life.
Hi jennifer… your post brought tears to my eyes. I know how you feel…sadly, it gets easier but never ‘feels the same.; My grandfather died 3 yrs. ago (Nov. 6 is his 3yr. anniversary). He was like my dad. Not to mention, like your mom…was so very well liked and just the greatest person. I was so very fortunate to have him in my life but at the same time everyday without him makes life a little harder. Since he passed, i have gotten married and had a baby and that hurts the most knowing he was never here to see her and knowing how overjoyed he would be by her.
All I can say is that I COMPLETELY understand, just hang in there and know she is with you experiencing all of the ‘firsts’ in your life.
Love you guys… you are great!!
I thought about you this Saturday (hence, the pics I emailed you of you). My brother is getting married this weekend and my mom has not stopped calling, bugging and/or annoying me since this whole damn thing got started. I was thisclose to losing my shit with her, when I paused to think: “some people don’t have their mothers to scream at; some people don’t have their mothers to laugh with; some daughters don’t have their mothers to cry to.” I’m still so sorry for your loss, Jenny, and I hope your heartache subsides soon…
HI Jen,
My grandfather has been gone for 21 years, there are time I still think I should call papa and tell him that he will help. of course I can’t every year when it is time to put up the christmas tree I get really mad at him for leaving me I am now stuck putting all the lights on the tree and that is his job. 21 year and I can sit here and cry with you because I miss him so much.
you will miss her forever.
I love the way you write, and I’m so thankful to hear what you have to say.
Kitty,
Here’s a tip. Don’t bother reading Jennifer’s column for the next year.Call into the show and tell her what you think
Hang in there Jennifer.
Jennifer – Maybe you should start calling your dad the way you had called your mom. Maybe not as much, but once a day. If your family is as close as you say, maybe your dad needs to be needed…and if you are going through all this pain and sorrow, maybe he is as well. Your dad seems like a very loving person (what I have seen in pictures)I bet you two could use each other right now. {{{HUGS}}}
I, too, find myself counting the firsts. I lost my mom in January from elective surgery. There are things that I still can’t do because the pain is so bad. I feel totally deprived of her and it’s so unfair. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much…She is still my first thought when I wake up in the morning and the last thought before I fall asleep. I am truly sorry for your loss.
“It still sucks that she died”. How eloquent. What are you – 12 years old?
Hang in there. You don’t miss them any less but the pain does lessen. I miss my Mom every day and she has been dead for over 6 years.
Jenny,
Here is a virtual group hug for you! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOX!
Do you keep a personal journal at all? Just curious, I kept one when my father passed, worte about everything, the love the hate, the things I said and did not say and so on. To this day when I re-read what I wrote I cry.
Vent, cry, be mad, and blog away as it is all part of the healing process!
Be well!
As for Kitty – YOU CAN KISS MY HAIRY BLACK JEWISH ASS YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH!!!!!
Jennifer,
I am almost finished with my year of “firsts”, but the toughest two are still ahead – Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mother loved those holidays so much. I don’t think I will even be able to put up a tree this year. I will be very glad to get this first year behind me, but like you, I doubt I will miss her any less.
getadictionary – you suck and always will, why would you read a blog post about somebody’s grief and comment like that??? Go someplace else you b*tch
Hey GetaDictionary, Jennifer is not composing a legal document. She’s sharing her thoughts and feelings on a blog that is her creation. She may use any means of expressing herself that she chooses, you dipshit. Yes, “dipshit” is in the dictionary. It’s a noun, usually vulgar, used to describe a stupid or incompetent person. (merriamwebster.com) Look it up, you’ll never forget it.
To Jen and all who posted above me:
You have allowed me to feel my sorrow for the loss of my mom and you have helped me to cry and cleanse my heart. The support on this blog is so genuine and loving. Jen, I know you are healing and you will be OK. It never goes away, it just changes to warm memories and all the good moments crowd out the tragic ones.
To Kitty: I pity your coldness and hope you find joy in something one day.
PS: I am 67 and my mom died 4 years ago when she was 80, so I feel very blessed to have had her for so long.
Shalom.
I hope my daughter will love and miss me as much as you did with your Mom.
I’m sad for you and appreciate how you grieve. I lost my mother at the young age of 16 and too young to realize the loss like you might experience at your mature age. You have lost your mother so you can understand how Martha must feel at the holidays, too. Maybe the two of you could share a tea time to remember the beautiful women and find a way to celebrate them together. Misery does love company…what do you think?
*E-Hug for Jennifer*
Hi Jen, hang in there you’re doing great! She’ll always be with you.
Yes, the holidays stink when someone you love isn’t with you. I want to say it gets better, but really, who am I kidding. This will be my 3rd year without my mother at Christmas. We lost her just after Thanksgiving in 2006. I don’t think it will be any easier than the 1st year without her, you still wish they’re here with you no matter how long it’s been!
I figure the more you think about them, the more you know they’re still with you!
were you hatched? do you not have friends or family? have you never lost someone you loved? please just go away and let Jennifer be Jennifer.
Jenn, just today I was talking with a friend over lunch and I cried when my darling late father was brought up. First’s are so hard, as is life forevermore without them. Period. Although I do not have children (yet!) Dan’s loss is my greatest fear. I’m so sorry. As for Kitty and getadictionary, I’m assuming you are just as ugly on the outside as you are inside. Did you not read the memo from Alexis stating that THIS is about….’sharing life’s experiences and learning from them and laughing at it…'(not a direct quote) I have so enjoyed this blog and these women. On my worst days, I laugh out loud because of their talent, authenticity and sense of humanity. Fifty plus comments of support pretty much sums it up.
gigi
Who the hell names someone. or calls themselves….Kitty? Huh?
Yesterday marked the 18th anniversary of my mom’s death. I was 27 when she died. Although it is not as devastating to think about her not being here, it still hurts. There were so many things she was not around to physically see, my marriage, the birth of my son. But I do have to believe that she is watching over me. Stick in there. Life will become normal again.
I went to the blogs this past Friday, I think, it may have been Saturday, and I missed that you hadn’t written anything in awhile. And I almost wrote to tell you I missed your blog. Then I thought, well, she’s probably busy with her kids & the Halloween thing. Then I thought, she’s sad but hasn’t been writing it and probably doesn’t want to. So I didn’t write about it in an e-mail. I didn’t know what to say. I call in, I write, about all other things. But I am aware that you are sad. I think about you Jennifer. You are so good on the radio and I am grateful because you are there. So I feel bad that you don’t have Bunny right there in front of you.
Love your blog
“Kitty” is a short for “Catherine” or “Katrina”, you tard.
My father has been gone 5 years this saturday (my sisters birthday) The first year is the worst. Everything is a first – without it really just sucks. You will get through it because basically there is no other option. I think when we all say it gets easier it really means that the pain fades. When you think of it on any given day we would love to have them back. Right now more for my kids than for myself. I know it’s hard, just try not to get lost in that feeling. You will have great times ahead. You do a great job on radio and tv and i’m sure your mother is smiling down on you.
Ken, you’re insane. Truly. Your medicine cabinet must look like the pharmacy at a mental hospital.
I love the name Kitty.
To all of you who wrote such heartfelt stories of personal loss, I am so very sorry for your anguish. It’s true, we really do have to live in the moment and make each day count. I have both an older and a younger sister… each lost their youngest child in a sudden and unexpected way. One day happy and healthy, the next day, gone…forever. Unreal. Sudden illness took one, an accident the other. It changed me forever and the way that I look at life ..and death. so precious and so very fragile. We have no guarantees. For me it helps to think that they are not really gone… I like to think that they have just “gone on” ahead of us. Blessings to each of you on your journey.
check out what kitty said on Alexis’s blog….
Holidays are the worse. I think of my brother all the time especially when someone asks what are you doing for Thanksgiving, I have 4 people in my family. That’s it. My husbands family count is unmeasureable. It’s sad and I deeply feel very empathetic for you. Amy
To @Matt…Then call them Catherine or Katrina….Kitty is cat or a character out of a 50’s sitcom. Welcome to 2008…and why don’t you just post your name…Kitty?
Jennifer, you’ll never miss her less. I lost my mother over ten years ago. She was my biggest supporter, my biggest chearleader, put up with all my craziness — and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. It will get easier, I promise. But you will never love her or need her or care for her less. You take good care of yourself. You are a great,strong, amazing woman. My best wishes to you and your family.
I will not play your little cowardly game, at least I post my real name! The day you lose someone, please invite me to the funeral so I can act like some of the insensitive assholes that berate Jenny. Then you will see why I say the things I do. Deal??? I’m waiting…
I think grieving is a very personal emotion and we all handle things differently– so it’s difficult to say what one should or shouldn’t feel at time like this…
Today marks the 3rd anniversary of my Mom’s passing.. and I have to say, each year holds a different emotion for me.
But I can absolutely relate in terms of anticipating certain holidays, milestones, events, etc.,.. as there will always be a connection between a mother and her daughter.
My mom passed away Nov. 4th and her b-day followed on the 29th. One of the last things she said to me during the month of Oct.. (while she was anticipating release from the hospital 2 days before my b-day) “When I get out of here, we are going to celebrate and have so much fun!” Unfortunately, this never happened, and as a result, I began to loathe the month of Oct. . I spoke to my mom every day for 43 years and can relate to that harsh reality in missing those calls . My sister and only sibling, passed away 15 yrs earlier at 36 and only 4 days before Mother’s Day- she has 2 amazing kids. We shared our b-days in October and the irony struck when I hit the 37 mark and was no longer the “baby”…suddenly, I was the older sis and the feeling was too weird for words.
I guess what I’m trying to convey is like everything in life, this is a process.. and the memories we hold dear become our treasures to mend our heavy hearts.
While I miss my mom with all my heart, I trust she shines her light on me daily. Same for my sister..
Ultimately, I believe our loved ones want us to be happy despite their absence. And as hard as that can be some days, it still OK to be pissed and sad in missing them– and yes, it absolutely sucks, big time! Be gentle with yourself and trust that all of your emotions are perfectly normal.
I think there was a reason for stumbling upon your blog 1st time today.
I’m so sorry for your loss and I appreciate you sharing your personal feelings. And while I know it’s not always the best consolation, It’s important to know you are not alone.
xo,
alicia
Jennifer,
You will have many firsts, seconds, thirds, and so on. It will get easier, but your heart will always have a void. Try to fill it with the things and loved ones you do have around you. Life is too short and time too precious for living in the past.
Sean
I went to the cemetary on Monday, to see my parents and my mentor (they are all in the same area of the cemetary.)
After all this time I have learned to live with the situation, even though I don’t like it. After 13 years, I will still go and call my Mom before I leave the office on Friday. As I have written to you before, don’t be so hard on yourself, you will get through it.
Life is too short, deal with the good stuff that we all have in our lives. That is what our parents would want.
Michael
It just SUCKS! No other words. I have been without my mom for 8 years. Bottom line “IT SUCKS”
HI Jennifer
I live in Australia and I love to log on to catch up with what you are both up to (wish I could hear your programme) and each time I read your blog I wish I could give you a hug (and I am not a hugger!!)….I am lucky that I still have both my parents but after a health scare with dad not long ago the fear that I felt still scares me to my core. I hope that the pain of loss will subside and your heart will fill with love and peace. Wishing you all the very best and keep on expressing how you feel, I believe it not only helps you but also so many people who have lost someone they love. Wish you much peace and love.
jennifer….
starting now…
you and your family {ALL }
plan to start setting a spot at the dinner table for your mom put a scarf of hers or something she loved on the chair where it should always be…
many people who have sadness over a lost family member or friend set a chair for the loved one and make it like they are really also at the table..
call it crazy but it works..see that way all of you can talk to your mom still and include her in your holiday…
set the table as always and talk to her as always she is always there in spirit…
Jennifer… It made me sad when I started getting used to life without my Dad. He’s been gone almost 14 years. I am 36. It was an unexpected and harsh loss, just 7 weeks after my first son was born. The “firsts” are hard, yes. And the pain does change with time. The hardest part, for me, is the firsts that come later. When my daughter was born 8 years later, or my second son, 4 years ago… and I’m pregnant again, and it’s another child who won’t meet my Dad. Ever. When the oldest graduates from high school, or my daughter gets married… More “firsts”. All I can tell you is you feel how you feel, for as long as you feel it… grief doesn’t really have rules. You are in my prayers.
Jennifer,
When ever I read about your mom it makes me cry. Both of my parents are still with me but I know that one day they will be gone. I wish you luck and happiness. keep your head up you are awesome.
luv,
Michelle
https://360.yahoo.com/michelleccmt
Me thinks Matt is kitty in drag….
Jennifer,
My mother died on October 30,1990. I was 23 years old. I still miss her today. The “firsts” are the worst but like everything else time does heal us.
Take care and God bless.
malorieh@yahoo.com
Sweetie, you won’t count them forever. These little observances fall off one by one. It’s a gradual process. Right now, you need to count those things. Believe it or not, it’s healthy. Don’t try to make it exactly the same at chanukah, etc., make it yours. Change it a bit. I learned the hard way. You can’t pick up the phone, but you are OF HER. She can hear you. Lett’r rip.
Jennifer… I watch your television show, and just love it!Somehow, I found my way to this blog. I know how difficult it is to lose your mom. It will be 5 years on Feb. 7th. (yes, I see that it is your birthday) The pain of her loss is not quite so intense, but the void is still there. As someone else said, I don’t feel the paid daily or even weekly, but it does still remain. I am so glad that you have this forum to exress yourself. I found myself talking to strangers at the market, or wherever, telling them that my mom had just died of leukemia! I don’t do that any more…Not sure when I quit. I just became a friend of yours on Facebook.I wish you peace.
It will get easier with time but you will always miss her. I lost my Mom 5 years ago and she was in a nursing home for 6 years before that. I put all I can into my kids and that kind of helps. I talk about her a lot also and have really picked up some of her ways as I get older. It sucks but she would want you to be happy every day and to live your life to the fullest.
Jennifer, I know how you feel. When I lost Dick I did the same thing. I projected how much I would hurt each holiday. I found I had to just take them one at a time. I also felt guilty when I started feeling happy. It took a while to realize he would want me to live a good life and be happy. It’s been over 8 years since he died and tomorrow I am actually going on my first date.
BIG HUG TO YOU!
Jennifer, It has been four years since my Mom passed away also in July (the 15th). I too have been through holidays, celebrations, birthdays (my 40th) etc. without her. It does suck.. that word sums it up the best. I know what you mean about not looking for her anymore or picking up the phone to call her – that is a harsh reality too. The good thing is when that sucker punch feeling in your gut happens less and you start to remember the good times. I hated when people would say to me that life goes on – but it does and so do the memories. Keep them flowing…
I’m so sorry for your loss Jennifer *hugs*
I am 40 and lost my mom when I was 15 – totally an accident. . .have you read Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman?
It never gets better, u just get used to it.
Rock on
jennifer – you don’t need me to tell you anything but having lost a lot of people in my life I have learned that you never ever get over it but you learn how to cope – you don’t have much choice in the matter – in order to continue you learn to cope.
26 years later I still find days that I hear something I want to share with my Mom. I want to pick up the phone. I have even done it, but there is no number I can call that brings her back to me. So I just talk to her & hope she can hear. My sympathy for the loss you will never forget!
Oh Sweet Jen I am sooo sorry about the loss of your mom. I am not in that position so I don’t know how it feels but I am sure it sux every day. My loss was my then 24 year old daughter who died almost 4 months ago through suicide in our home. A loss is a loss no matter what and whether it is a child or a parent the sadness is right there in your heart. I hope one day you will have happy feet. I feel the same way you do with celebrations that sux too.
Jen,
Grab a copy of Joan Didion’s book, “A Year of Magical Thinking.” I savored every bit of this captivating account of her journey through the first year without her husband. A fascinating read by a concise, poignant and truthful author. Reading this helped me to understand why the struggle to “return to normal” was so hard after my dad died… because my “normal” died, too, when he died. Now, 5 years later, I am utterly astonished at how much I love my new “normal,” although I still deeply wish he were here to be a part of it. It can happen for you, too.