had a great saturday!
kids had friends over. i baked blondies (used tollhouse recipe using milk chocolate chips and added some white chocolate chunks in a 9 X 13 inch pan baked at 350 for 35-40 minutes)…they turned out scrumptious!
and cut.
and i attempted to work with phyllo dough and made some apple tarts…although the kids ate the less burnt one, my husband did NOT like either!
phyllo layers…with butter, sugar and cinnamon in each layer.
i sliced the apples in a cuisinart (with slicer attachment) and then mixed them with sugar and lemon juice.
and the burnt one.
i ate some apples off of the burnt one… and they were delicious and carmelized. but over all it was not very good!
the day with the kids and the baking success and failures were both "ups."
today, however, was the "down". (stop reading if you don’t want to hear about bunny)
today was my mom bunny’s unveiling. it was sad. so so sad. though i don’t discuss losing her all that often, i feel it every day. and days like today are just brutal.
last week i stumbled upon a text message i had sent to someone (about how my mom was doing) a year ago…2 months before my mother died… and the optimism in the text is jarring. reading it now, i can see how deeply in denial i was about my mom’s illness.
i had no idea that we had just 60 days left (with her). NO IDEA!
now, no more denial- just acceptance and sadness. oh and the anger (unfortunately) still exists. wish it weren’t taking this long to dissipate.
xxx
jennifer
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Jennifer,
My prayers are with you and your family on this most solemn occasion. You have such a great spirit when you talk about your mom – her legacy lives through you. Take care~
Sue
I didn’t see salt listed in your ingredients. Shouldn’t there have been a little salt, too? Would have helped with the flavor. That and butter.
The blondies really looked delicious!
6 YEARS WITHOUTT MY MOM. 8 MONTHS FOR MY LIL BABY GIRL. MY POODLE/ MY LIL GIRLS DADDY. FOR MY MOM HER GAY BABY SON. I CRY EVERY DAY
Have you tried making him an apple tart? There is a fantastic recipe for tarte aux pommes in Julia Child’s Art of French Cooking that has very thinly sliced apples. Yummy and very pretty too.
Ok, clearly my ADD kicked in and I didn’t read the whole post. I see that you have indeed made him a tart. I still stand by the Julia Child recipe tho… it’s very good.
It does take time and you what that is OK!
I think the apple phyllo dough would have worked out had you rolled the apples inside. I made a plum tart like that once and it was great.
Jen, I’m so sorry you hurt like you do. I’ve been through it and there is light at the end of the tunnel but it takes quite some time.
Jen, thank you for sharing your whole grieving process with us. I feel like a lot of us miss out on that because we expect people to grieve in a more private way. Then, when we lose a loved one, we aren’t sure how to act, or how to deal with our feelings. So it really is useful to us to watch you go through this, even though we would all rather that you didn’t have to. I hope you can keep your chin up, knowing that you are helping many of us in some way.
This week-end I read The Hiding Place, which is about a Dutch woman who helped hide Jews during the German invation of her town of Haarlem during WWII. Tonight I just read your link about unveiling. My knowledge and respect of Jewish beliefs and customs has been broadened. Also, I make the BEST apple pies. I wish you were nearby so I could teach my techniques to you. I baked one for my husband this afternoon. It was yummy.
Jenn,
I’m sorry that you feel the need to apologize when you speak of your mom, Bunny. You should never feel the need to apologize – she is your mom. This is your blog – you can (and should) speak of anything that you wish – including your dear mother. It was a momentous day, her unveiling. Thank you for sharing.
Having lost my dad 4.25 years ago, I have managed to move on and not feel the daily pain – but I was there – hopefully you too will feel the peace – but on your terms, when (if) you are able/there.
Blessings to you.
I look forward to seeing the progression on the garden!
Hi Jennifer,
I am so sorry that you are still grieving for your mom. It does take time. I just passed the two year mark with my dad and my aunt who was a mother to me passed in early April. Late April was my grams 18th anniversary of her passing and she was the world to me. Next week I will light the memory candle for my aunt, grams and mom who passed in 1974. Things will get better I promise and you always have those precious memories to cherish. I hope your dad,- your siblings, family and friends are doing ok. I wish you all the best to heal in all your own ways. Take care.
My mama has been gone 11 years….and altho the pain of losing her has lessened…it is always there. She is with me daily. 6 months from diagnosis to death.and she was only 68. Grieve her, Jennifer. She was your wonderful mama….. I cry & laugh daily at memories….and one of these days you shall also.
I love reading your blog….. You & Alexis keep up the wonderful work you both do for keeping some of us going!
I am sorry for your pain, Jennifer. My uncle and godfather went to Heaven this morning. He was diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago. Right now my faith and my family are getting me through. I hope you have such things to strengthen you too!
So sorry Jennifer
Having lost my dear Dad in November (on the day of his funeral, while we were driving through the cemetary gates, I got a text message that our street and yard were on fire. We had to leave the funeral procession to try to race home and save our dog and cats. What a bizarre day all the way around!
I still can’t bear the thought of my Dad being gone. I don’t know when it gets easier. My heart hurts for you too.
I too don’t see the need for you to apologize and I have said that before, talking or writing about your feelings shouldn’t require an apology. I enjoyed your post today, thank you for sharing your traditions, I so enjoy learning them, they are so important. Your mother was very lucky to have her children so close and to have been loved so.
I have missed listening to the show since the end of March as I am in Anchorage helping out with the grandkids and it just hasn’t been possible to catch it, but I do check in here.
Your baking looks very yummy, except for the burnt area, but things happen and it all looks so good.
Hang in there, Jenny! You’re doing fabulous. Sadness is OK and part of life. You make the listeners laugh and smile. Thanks for that!
i also use milk choc. for the brownies but never thought of adding white chunks. Thanks for the great idea.
Jennifer,
The posts on your loss are part of your life experience, and I believe that’s the whole point of this show/blog, right? It would be inauthentic to do anything other than continue to write and speak about your healing process. I believe (through my own experience) that the death of a parent, while you are a parent yourself, is a watershed moment and functions to teach you all that you’re capable of enduring while still maintaining the usual responsibilities. This is a valuable experience to share with those willingly and open to receive it. Thanks.
How many tarts are you going to make your husband before he decides he likes one?? Personally, I thinks he’s being a bit rude.
Thank you for mentioning the traditions and rituals of the Jewish culture and faith as you observe them. I’ve learned much from your blog or from looking up something you write about.
Please please stop thinking you need to speed up your grieving process. I have been without my sweet Mumi for almost 11 years and I still experience many of the feelings you are having now. And don’t feel weird about your optimistic attitude when she was dying – there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. One more thing – I LOVE when you write about your Mom Bunny.
Looks great. Your cookong is coming along. Instead of phyllo dough. My trick, Alexis would shot me, but I use pillssbury dough unrap it and then add all your ingredients. It looks like a free form pie they sell at Vanderbrooks, my caterer and a bakery I never go to….and about your mom, be as angry as you want. Jennifer you will have good and bad days, Todds 10 year anniversery is coming up and I feel myself talking to him, I don’t smell his cigarettes anymore which was always comforting especially when I was in this big house alone at night. would sleep on the couch because that’s where he was. I feel your pain and could cry with you every day as I do now. Death as it’s called is sooo terrible. It hurts everyone and I always wondered why? Why don’t they just die and we go on with no feelings. I guess their are those that are like that but I am not one. I cry over Todd’s death and not seeing him. It’s not fair Jennifer but it’s our life.
Sorry for the spelling and typing mistakes. I know I almost have a masters and my mother yells at me all the time but I swear it’s the effing keyboard, notice I didn’t say fucking because my mom will yell at me when she reads this,LOL. Amy
If you’re finally able to see the denial, maybe you can be big enough to apologize to all the doctors you regularly insulted.
You do not need to explain your pain. You miss your mom and you are working thru all the pain. i wish you the best and thank you for sharing your thoughts. You just love your mom and miss her in your life.
Yesterday would’ve been my Mom’s 78th Birthday (she’ll be gone 9 years in July) and it was also the 3rd anniversary of my Dad’s death. I woke up sad, before I could even remember why. It is brutal to lose the one’s who loved us first. Time passes and one day you remember not only that they died, but that they lived and left you with memories to beautiful to forget. I appreciate your honesty.
I’m right there in the grief pit…it is just awful that my mother is gone. I feel acutely the passage of time..how fast it goes when we are older..days seemed just to grind to a halt when I was a kid. Now I feel almost frantic if I am not doing something useful/creative with my time. I so miss being able to share things with my mother. So anyway ..You are not alone.
Filo dough dries out quickly each layer ns to be in contact with moisture think baklava layers are soaked practically– also think spanikopita Kiethy may like those better don’t give up on phyllo dough it can be tricky perhaps martha can teach us around the Ups and Downs of phyllo dough
your tart would have been better with pie crust perhaps but phylodough can be used for a strudel presentation too good luck
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal”
Jennifer, I too was in denial how sick my dad was, it;s because you love them so much, can’t imagine life without them,and thinking God wouldn’t allow this to happen to you or your family. And when it happens you’re angry and sad and confused, you just can’t wrap your head around it and feel it’s the worst thing on earth, now over a year later I think it’s just life and we will feel better and almost normal one day, it just takes so damn long but I have hope and I hope you do too.
Love ya girl !
Jennifer, It has just recently been 3 years since my mom passed, so I know what you are going through. I am sorry for your loss and hurting. Hugging your children everyday helps and thinking of all of the fun times together helps. I also try to tell at least one story about my mom to someone each day. It help her still be with me and lessen the pain. Each day gets a little better, I promise. Keep up the good work on the show. You two make this Texas girl laugh!
Trust me, Jennifer, ask while you are alone for a sign. I know you are going to get one that will put a HUGE smile on your face. I’ve had a few more since I last emailed you. Love, D
PS love your tweets!
Never do we realize what is in store for us when our parents die, it is way too much. I am in the worst mood this week, perhaps it is mother’s day approaching. I am so grateful for my son, he is the light in my life and mother’s day will be shared happily with him, etc…I simply miss my mom. It has been years since her death and the longing continues. Unveiling is traditional for us, and out of respect we follow the rules. I felt no stronger on that day than I do today. Sometimes I think it just re- injures the soul.
But…you are doing ok Jenn..you are functioning and living the best you way you can. Mom’s are special, death doesn’t diminish that…it just makes us wish we had more time. ( together)
If you are as good in bed as you can cook, I would love to make you mine. Actually, we can combine both food and sex in very creative ways. You always make me so hot.
Love ya,
Santo
good job jennifer, they look so good!
Jennifer, There will always be “triggers” that make you think of your Mom. Some will be good, fond memories and others will bring your sorrow on. But over time it WILL dissipate. It will meld together and you WILL have comfort. Just remember what a lucky girl you are, great husband, healthy happy kids, good memories of a wonderful Mother.
xoxox
Peace
Barbara
I read all your blogs about Bunny while my mother was slowly dying. She died on April 9, 2009. My heart is just broken. My mother was 81 years old and the doctors who she saw were so not helpful. They were confusing and brusque and appeared more intent on their billing abilities then on providing proper attention. My mother was prescribed pills that had side effects that were more debilitating then the illness. and she was elderly. I had to constantly monitor what the hell the doctors and hospital were doing to her bc they were doing more HARM then good. I cant even go on. so the comment left by “Belica” above makes my blood boil. DOctors are far far from perfect. IN fact they are as perfect as a mechanic, a bus driver, a bernie madoff. I miss my mom so much.
Please dont apologize for your grief or for discussing your Mother. Its all okay. I thought the unveiling link was interesting.
Jennifer my father died of cancer 6 days before x-mas 8 yrs ago I was 19, it took me 3 yes before I celebrated x-mas again. All I could think is he will never walk me down the aisle or see my kids (if I have any) and I will never hear his laugh again (what a funny laugh) he snorted after eight yrs I still miss him but what helped get me to where I am is he is no longer in pain and even though I am an agnostic (partly because of dads suffering) I truly believe he is at piece. I took one of dads favorite fishing hooks and used it to make a cute ornament….so a part of him will be with me each x-mas…jennifer I swear time will heal your heart…take care
….they were scrumptious, not, turned out scrumptious. Scrumptious is an adjective; it complements a noun. Turned out needs an adverb. Add an ly to scrumptious , and you are in correct usage business. Correct writing honors the reader and those who tried to teach you well.
Jennifer, I stumbled onto “Whatever Martha” tonight and haven’t laughed so hard in a while….I love the rapport between you and Alexis…….
thank you, keep it up gals !
It is so refreshing in this day and time in our world.
p.s. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Your wonderful humor between you and Alexis is quite a blessing.
I will be 67 next week and the Mother of 1 daughter and 2 sons……ages:44,41,and 37.
Keep your beautiful smile ! May GOD bless you, as you bless others.(1Chronicles 4:10)
We lost our moms around the same time and I’m just a few years younger than you. I pray all of us who have lost our mothers make it through Sunday with peace.
Jennifer,Thank you for sharing your feelings with your readers.I didn’t know what an ‘unveiling’ meant and I enjoyed learning about the custom.I recently lost my Mom and Dad and I understand how this process takes time to adjust.May God give you strength.
Jennifer, you should check your oven to make sure the temperature is right. By the looks of your finished products, looks like the temp is high. Or you could be baking in either the top or bottom 1/2 of the oven instead of the middle. Have you found a tart that Keithy likes yet? Hope so!
AW jennifer……:(