as i wrote in my blog last night:
"i was a fan of patrick swayze. i loved dirty dancing.
i didn’t kill him.
i feel sad for his family and friends…ofcourse.
but i am human and prone to good/bad/complicated feelings.
aren’t we all?"
and this vitriol about my being a terrible person for having some dark not so warm and fuzzy feelings?! fair enough i guess…it is what YOU are feeling.
last night i chose to share. i chose to be open and honest about MY reaction to patrick swayze’s death. and my reaction was one that was impacted by my experience with my mother’s pancreatic cancer.
that said, of course i am not HAPPY that he died and suffered- this cancer is disgusting and sad and gross. nor am i HAPPY about all the mothers, fathers, children, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, soldiers, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc who’ve died too soon.
nor do i think my sadness is ANY greater than anyone else’s…this just happens to be MY blog where i post what i’m thinking, feeling, doing etc.
and to those who think i should get over the loss of my mom…i’m doing ok.
better than i was months ago…not as good as ill be months from now.
clearly i’ve hit a nerve with many of you…and that’s ok.
but i don’t apologize for sharing. in fact, maybe my admitting the icky feelings allows others who may have them as well- about anything…feel less alone.
i do send my condolences to anyone who knew and loved patrick swayze.
i never met him but he seemed like a lovely man.
xxx
jennifer
fb: jennifer koppelman hutt
twitter: jenniferhutt
When I suffered two miscarriages, I was angry at anyone who was pregnant. All that parading around with their pregnant stomachs and their wonderful plans was painful for me to watch.
So, I understand. And anyone who hasn’t been through what you have has no right to commment. Kudos to you for having the courage to be honest.
Patronizing, at best. Can we move on, now?
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and at least you have the balls to post your negative comments, unlike Alexis, who just posts the ass kissing ones! Go Jen!!
You are still a selfish B………
Jennifer, I support you and think you brave for sharing such honest emotion. The strongest reactions seem hypocritical to me – calling you horrible names and saying things that will only cause you pain is somehow okay because you caused offense? How exactly does that work? I love the picture you posted of your mom, Bunny, and through your stories, I feel like I was able to know her a bit, too. She was a special woman and she helped make you a wonderful one. Thank you for all you do and for all you share.
KMA.. seriously.
Jennifer, never, ever filter your feelings. They are what they are. No one, I mean no one understands how horrible this cancer is (not that any is not, but pancreatic is dignity out the window) My mother-in-law passed away from pancreatic 8 months after diagnonsis – a gut-wrentching six months. I too was, in a strange way, relieved that he passed – his suffering was over. People just do not recover from this – few understand that. You’re the bomb (hehe) Jen! Love ya.
Honestly, I will feel more for a family member than I will ever feel for a random celebrity. Because it’s MY pain. I think a lot of you missed the point in what Jennifer wrote. I was pregnant (for the first/only time) at the age of 45 and miscarried what I hope was a “flawed” fetus. When I hear of someone my age giving birth to a severely handicapped baby, as sad as it may be, and no matter how much compassion I feel, deep down…. I feel relief. Yes, we are all selfish in some way. And when it hits close to home, our feelings should not be judged.
I had a family friend who died 6 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he was one of the best men I knew -still so tough. Jennifer, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and don’t put a timeline on healing. My dad died of cancer but it wasn’t my mom, if she died I wouldn’t know what to do with myself it would take years to deal and heal.
I lost my sister 2 years ago and I am not totally over it. I read your blog post last night and got what you were trying to express. No need to apoligize
you need an outlet to express your feelings, just like anyone else
Jennifer, it shows character for you to respond to the comments. I think I understand better now.
I lost my mom to cancer also. it’s a hard thing to get over but you do. what people struggle to understand is when something like that happens you become a little harden in your feelings and that’s ok too! anyone who is thinking clearly and not emotion filled will understand the points you are trying to make and in time the folks who do not understand will either have that picture clear up for them or just get over it. On another note.. I heard Yalls show last night for the first time and really enjoyed it. ( yalls is plural southern style which means you and Alexis. take care-B
I LOVED your previous post-I totally get it. My dad died of panreatic cancer at 57 also-two years ago.
There’s a theme of “self-pity” and “self-centered” in a lot of the criticism. I’ve never heard any self-pity from Jennifer. It sounds like sadness because she misses her mother. There’s a difference. And by blogging about it and talking about it, it sounds as if she’s casting around for any insight in terms of making sense of it. The people who die are gone. The ones who loved them and miss them deserve understanding, and should not be obligated by judgmental clucking hens to keep their thoughts or words in check. Whatever your view on how much a grieving person should reveal on a blog or in conversation, attacking someone for it is worse. What’s the point? Either to prove that you’re a pillar of propriety, or gain a perverse thrill from making someone feel bad. So you do have one thing right – sometimes it’s best just to keep your mouth shut. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with what Jennifer did.
You are absolutely entitled to your feelings. They are “Your’s” and it is unfair for anyone to question them. Your emotions are still raw from your Mom’s death and that is understandable. Don’t let negative people who have no right to judge, get you down. It is YOUR blog and YOUR feelings. I am grateful for you!
Enough of this back-and-forth! Everyone take a deep breath and MOVE ON! The last few days we’ve beaten “dead horses”: Serena Williams, Kanye West and now Jennifer Hutt! Bring on the baking blogs, please! Please!
Yes, if everyone kept their mouths shut, there would be no need for blogs, you half wit, that is what they are for and everyone is entitled to their opinion as we are to your butt kissing entries.
Maybe you should go away, start your own blog so the rest of us don’t have to skim over your preachings!
Ms Elso, there is nothing wrong with what Jennifer did, just as there’s nothing wrong with what anyone else posted…get over yourself, geeeez!
I commend you for speaking your mind and expressing what you FEEL. I’ve learned from experience that it is not healthy to bottle it up and people aren’t always going to be comfortable with expressions of true feelings.
My mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago but before she did…in the 2 years after my father passed…She had this poem on her dresser…cut out and slid under the glass top so she could read it daily.
It may seem trite…but it summed up her strength and resolve.
After A While © 1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall
Best…phillip
I agree with Lisa.. When I miscarried, I hated everyone that was pregnant.. It wan’t there fault, just the way I felt. Again, I thank you for sharing your feelings and for not apologizing for feeling htem.
when my father died of lung cancer at 51, i started reading obituaries to see how many people also died at such a young age. we all have different ways of coping, or not coping which is ok too! you’re doing great jennifer. you’re leading a productive life and getting through a very difficult time in you life, one day at a time.
I remember when 9/11 happened..we all do. My Dad had died 4 months earlier. I hate to admit this but I was jealous that everyone was making a big deal about all of these people when I had lost my “just as great Dad”. Their were public memorials and television coverage 24/7. Anyway, my point….My grief was so great that I just didn’t care about others dying. I cared that I was in pain and the world didn’t stop for me.
When I first read what you said about Swayze I thought it was horrible but then I thought back and kinda understand it. I feel horrible for Swayze’s family and I feel horrible for the the 9/11 people and their families now. It takes time.
kudos for writing more and dealing with it
I don’t think you ever stop second-guessing the medical decisions that were made. Ten years ago this month, my grandma went in for an angiogram, which dislodged something in her arteries and caused a catastrophic stroke… but then she held on for a few months needing constant care in a nursing home, until December of that year when she died (the day after Christmas!). Of course after it happened, friends of mine who are nurses expressed surprise that the doctors would do an angiogram at her age, because the dislodging/stroke is not uncommon. And we will always wonder if … if we should have insisted on non-invasive tests in the first place; if our actions immediately after the stroke were appropriate – in our case the hard decision of whether to continue treatment or not (we did, but not necessarily for the best). I know my mom is still not over it. This probably doesn’t help, but I don’t think you ever get over it – you just learn to cope and accept. I agree – your feelings are your feelings, and I totally get them.
I appreciate your honesty.
jennifer…don’t feel bad about your thoughts or expressing your feelings…my mother died in december, 1999 from hepC…cause of death, liver cancer as a result of the hepC…she was part of the 30% that doctors have no idea how she got the disease…(usually from needles or sex)…she went throught two extremely painfull and debilitating treatments knowing she had only a 25% chance of it working..,since that time, the treatment has improved with a “cocktail” and the percentage of it being successful has risen to 70% or more…am i unhapy that more people will live longer with the improvements made? no…but i wish my mother had lived longer so she would have had a better chance…the main thing i wanted to say to you…is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t apologize for continuing to mourn the death of your mother…it has been almost 10 years for me and i still feel sad and i miss her like crazy…i don’t cry every day but i cry often…i’m crying now just writing this to you…and her birthday? forgot about it! it’s a slow, slow recovery..we couldn’t rush it if we wanted to…
on another note, looking forward to the new season of whatever martha! always good for a laugh!
much love
Jenn your feelings are exactly that “YOUR FEELINGS” you don’t need to explain yourself to ANYONE!
We are tired or your clucking too.
I think your feelings are quite honest. Your probably not the only one with feelings like this. But one of the commets from yesterday is what resignated with me, which is that I don’t think your mother would like you to dwell on all of this (the cancer and the negativity).
Well Jennifer, I guess it proves that you are human, have emotions and guess what? You can write it with honesty, compassion and sensitivty. I get it.
Don’t stop.. I love your blog!!
you should not have had to justify your posts. you are entitled to your feelings and have the courage to post them. everyone else needs to get over it and stop being so uptight…and you shouldn’t have to justify how you feel about your mom. tell everyone to shut up who keeps telling you that you should be over it by now…hugs to you!
Too little, too late. We have all seen the self centered arrogant side of you, what a disappointment. You are such a FAKE,you have showed your true colors and they are not becoming to you. I can’t take it anymore, I will miss listening and learning from Alexis but I can assure you, I will never give you another thought.
Ditto…then none of us need to explain our comments/feelings, so everyone can stop their self fulfilling books they write!
Why not post something you baked, something you made, instead of using this blog for therapy. After all “Whatever Martha” isn’t about YOUR FEELINGS. I’m not sure how dissing Martha has anything to do with this crap????? Maybe you should start a “Poor Jennifer” Blog for this stuff.
Deep yoga breaths, everyone. I tend to agree that “Ms Elso” does in a way hijack the blog space. It’s a bit much. No, it’s way too much. Not personal, but even amy has toned it down! I encourage Ms Elso to blog on her own space. That said, we all love Jennifer Koppelan Stewart Hutt! (I threw in the Stewart) for good measure! Love you, Janet
Wow. Would never have expected that from Jennifer. She’s entitled to her feelings and this is her blog, so if ya don’t like it, don’t read it.
Jennifer, I totally understand what you are saying (based on my own experiences with cancer). I have a brother who is young and has been batlling cancer for quite some time, now. I’ve watched as some people have fully recovered from the same cancer and I would ask myself, “why not my brother?”
Of course, when one has a blog as you do, the bad comments come with the good – and it’s up to you to filter out what doesn’t add to your life. Why people have to be so ugly is a big mystery to me.
I totally understand. My mom died two years ago from pancreatic cancer. I was so sad when I heard about Patrick Swayze. It brought all those feelings up again…just watching him waste away reminded me of watching the same thing happen to my mom. She only lasted 2 months after her diagnosis. I have been so sad today and just can’t shake the feeling. I really liked Patrick Swayze and enjoyed all his movies. My thoughts and prayers go out to his wife, Lisa, and all his family.
I agree, everyone is “entitled” to their opinion and I never said otherwise. I said that I fail to see the point in criticizing Jennifer’s post, and if one had a problem with it there were reasons to keep their mouths/keyboard shut. No one has yet clarified the point of their criticism, I might add – they simply complained about Ms Elso. As for “hijacking” the blog – please. It’s not a laborious process to ignore or scroll past anyone’s posts if you don’t like them. So why not just articulate your real problem – that you are annoyed or offended by my posts, for whatever reason? Maybe cuz that would mean you were too lame to ignore them. But to imply I said critics aren’t “entitled” to their opinion (as we are entitled to respond to them) is even more lame, as well as dishonest.
My dad died 34 years ago. I still get sad. He died of something that would totally be fixable now. I get what you are saying. Every day Patrick lived made you wonder if you did something wrong with your mom.
There are blogs dedicated to nip slips, silly pet tricks, hairy belly buttons, you name it. That’s what blogs are for…whatever you want them to be for. You can say whatever you damn well please on your own damn blog.
Jennifer,
You are not a horrible person. Anyone who has lost a parent and did everything they could to get them the very best treatment will forever analyze what they did. You did the best you could at the time. Medical treatments improve daily and sometimes it is a blessing when someone passes away. Don’t be hard on yourself; let Alexis do that for you.
The arrogance of the wealthy.
I am so tired of everyone’s feel good – pc opinon police. I also have had these dark thoughts after my father’s death from cancer. I think it is definitely part of the grieving process. One day the doubts of treatment, pain of the loss, and the anger over “why couldn’t my loved one have been the success story” starts to ease up. I don’t think you ever need to apologize for true and honest feelings.
I guess I’m just confused. Your post was honest, but why direct your anger and relief at his passing to HIS ability to live longer? Why wouldn’t you be angry at the disease? Your friend’s text was tacky. Plain and simple. Your post, in all of its honesty, wasn’t much better.
Pancreatic cancer is the real villain here.
Jennifer, there is no need to explain your feelings. People need to just get over it. They are your feelings, and if it offends people that is to bad, don’t read the blog. I love the show and will support you. Feelings are feelings. I think it took a lot to put all that out there. Never retract your feelings.
Wow, cannot wait until the day we can say “Died. Finally!” about YOU. What a waste of a life.
Good for you.
I totally understand what you are feeling. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and lived only 2 months. She died in May 2008. I think I was a little envious that Patrick Swayze got to live so long. However, I grief that any human being has to suffer so much.
Feelings are not facts…You are only as sick as your secrets…Good for you!
XO
Jennifer, don’t let anyone tell you you need to get over your Moms death.Does anyone ever get over it??? My Mother died 3 years ago and there are still times when it is so overwhelming I can hardly function. Of course you meant nothing negative to Patrick Swayze. People need to “get over it”. Thank you for your honesty in your blog and once again …the haters can f-off…
Jennifer: I totally understand how you are feeling. I still till this day, 18 years after my Mom died of leukemia. Hate to hear others, people I know that have survived. I understand when you say what if we did not do enough, etc. My Mom was 51 and in 1991 they told her she was too old to qualify for a “bone marrow transplant”. WTF Later we found out that was all a bunch of crap, I know people that were in their 50’s and survived because they got the transplant. I still blame the doctor also till this day. You say what is on your mind girlfriend, who cares what other people think. I totally get you. {{{hugs}}}
Thank you for explaining. What struck a nerve with me is your comment of Patrick living longer then your mom. What you’ve been through is terrible and what Patricks family has been through is terrible along with millions around the world. We can only pray daily for a cure for this terrible disease.
You all understand that parents will die – eventually. All these people who can’t get over a parent dying – I don’t get it- no one has a guarantee at a number of years. Instead of being angry at God, doctors, the cancer, another victim of the disease why not appreciate all the wonderful times you had with a loving mom. It’s not like you are five years old and just lost a parent. Stop with the anger and the pity. You have a beautiful family, money, a house, friends….enough already. My mother died in November – two weeks – I cried off and on – but I have an autistic son, a family and responsibilities and can’t wallow in self pity — get some help.
You shoulda just kept your mouth shut. Nothing but a rich, spoiled rotten brat and that doesn’t entitle you to such terrible, terrible statements. Back pedal all you want, lots of us don’t buy it.
I think your honest feelings, are OK, it is what it is.
IT is your blog.
Don’t stress out.
Jennifer,
Good for you. You are completely justified in that you have the right just as everyone else to feel the way you feel and express it on YOUR blog. It takes a lot of courage to not only write your feelings down but to then share them with whomever chooses to read them. I admire this and so many other things about the person you present yourself to be. Continue to be true to yourself and NEVER feel as though you have to rationalize or make excuses for your own thoughts and feelings!
From a big fan who lost my dad to pancreatic cx 5/04 (still pick up the phone to call him about things)lost my mom
to colon cx 12/07 and I am 1 year out from breast cancer dx (38yrs old) I totally get your previous post and current. You should not feel like you need to apoligize for your thoughts on YOUR blog. It is your feelings at the moment. that is what a blog is for.
Love both yours and Alexis’s honesty on the show
My grandfather passed away from pancreatic cancer 10 months after being diagnosed eleven years ago. It was painful to watch him become old and frail and we were relieved when his time came because it meant he was no longer in pain and was at peace. It still hurts even now, and I still miss him. Opinions are one’s own. I admire Jennifer for owning hers and sharing. Everyone else just needs to get over themselves!
Instead of being indignant, maybe you should explore just what it is about you that would inform such a self-centered response. Healthy, balanced people don’t get mad when they hear that someone else got to live longer with a disease than someone they cared about. That’s not an excusable emotion under any circumstances. A very close family member of mine died from cancer. When I heard that Swazye had died, my first emotions were empathy and compassion for his loved ones, not “why did he get to live longer than my sister?”. If it makes you feel better to think that most harbor what you were “brave enough” to say, then go right ahead and tell yourself that, but its not true.
Thanks for sharing Jennifer…I think your feelings are normal and unfortunately brought out the ugly in a few posters. Funny though…a few months back it seems that some of these same people said they were “done with you”….and yet…here they are, back for more! You must be doing something right! Matt
Jennifer–I truly believe that those who are giving you grief over your feelings on the death of Patrick Swayze, are big, fat liars. We have all had the same feelings on death or other cosmic injustices at one time or another–you are just in the line of fire because you had the guts to write them down. I applaud you for being honest about your feelings. Your feelings are just that–THEY ARE YOURS, no one else’s, just yours. You should not have to justify or apologize for having them. My Grandfather died of prostrate cancer many years ago, and I still go through the same type of feelings you are experiencing, every time I hear of someone who beats it, or is in remission. Why did my Grandpa die, but Joe Schmo live? Nice thoughts? No. Honest, truthful and natural? Of course. I wish you well in your grieving process–it will get better, it just takes time.
what got me was the smoking – smoked for years, even after his diagnosis
if your mom didn’t smoke that part would be the hardest for me to accept I think
As a wife of a man with cancer, I can tell you with my limited medical knowledge (despite spending massive amounts of time at MD Anderson, Sloan, NW) you did everything you could do. There is NO CURE FOR PANCREATIC CANCER. None. It is a disease that a) nobody knows what causes it and b) nobody knows how to cure it. Manage it until it kills you – yes. But no cure. These idiots that attack you on such a sensitive subject do not deserve your energy defending yourself. You do not need to apologize for ANYTHING. Yes, I am using caps which I know you and Alexis hate, but I am so angry at the insensitivity of these people I am not even checking spelling! Most of these evil bloggers have not gone thru what you went thru so they are clueless. You were at the best hospital you could be at. You had the best doctors. There was nothing else you could have done. It is a ravaging, horrible type of cancer. I read your blog with he died. finally. and I totally got what you meant. Do not let these idiots get to you like that. You have more class in one skin flake off your shoulder then these idiots.
I am a fan of yours. I like you. I understood your blog.
With that said, I wanted to take this opportunity to say that maybe this is a good experience for you. Now you know what it is like to be misunderstood. You were merely trying to share your feelings with your fans as your program seems to welcome people to do. A while back, I tried to share my feelings, and you took it wrong, and responded in a cold, not-willing-to-understand/accept manner. It is not fun to be misunderstood, but hopefully, you will learn to be more accepting and thoughtful about the comments you invite.
(Except the plain ‘ol rude comments- those are just dumb.)
I am so sorry, not only for your loss, but for dealing with people’s rude and thoughtless comments. I can understand how you feel, not because I’ve been through the exact situation, but because I’ve been through something similar. Of course losing your mother is harder than a celebrity dying, and you shouldn’t have to hide your pain or hurt. I applaud you not only for your honesty, but also for publishing the negative comments and responding to them. You are truly a lady of class.
“in fact, maybe my admitting the icky feelings allows others who may have them as well- about anything…feel less alone.” Is everything in your life about you? My God how you must have been spoiled as a child.
just watched Barbara Walters special with Patrick tonight…he said it best, “we all die, sooner or later.”
life isn’t supposed to be fair…most of us learn this in elementary school.
I get what you meant Jennifer. Thanks for sharing. Before my mother was diagnosed with Cancer I probably wouldn’t have either, but I do now. Maybe understanding comes with shard experience. Keep your chin up. XO
….or it could be that some people just suck! ;o)
I to have lost a parent, it is hard. I also have a dear friend 38 years old dying of pancreatic cancer. I feel your feelings and emotions were natural, honest and normal. I am just not sure posting them in the manner you did was the correct thing to do.
Cancer is mean, wicked and unselective. It does not pick rich or poor, male or female. Your family is well to do, I am sure your Mother got top notch care. Of course you wanted her here with you longer, of course you miss her everyday, and certainly your heart aches. Just as the family of Patrick Swayze now hurt. Just think Jennifer in their time of pure hell, how they would feel to read your personal feelings. How would you have felt the night your Mother passed to read someone write about her, what you did about Mr. Swayze? You are a famous woman, you are not Jane Shmoo who few but her closest friends read her blog. As honest and as pained as you were, and knowing you meant no malice…it came across pretty awful. I am so sorry for your loss and have told you that several times before by blog. Just know you are not alone!
You really only said that Patrick Swayze’s example made you question decisions you made for your mother. You wondered if you could have made her live longer.
That’s all I read into it. Nothing to be upset about.
Oh, and anyone who is cruel enough to tell you that you SHOULD be over your mother’s death, isn’t anyone you should give the time of day to.
Hi Jen-
I thought your comments were very honest and heartfelt. Sure, maybe some people didn’t like hearing them for whatever reason. But you were sharing and expressing and being you…and that’s okay. I admire your honesty and openess. I havne’t lost either of my parents yet but like everyone else, we all do. I know that losing them will be one of, if not the most difficult event I will ever face. Good luck to you as you continue to grieve and accept your loss.
JAMES
xo
I can relate when you talk about second guessing yourself with the decision you made with your mom’s illness. My dad died 4 years ago with leukemia he only last 33 days after he was diagnosed. We had him at the best hospital and thought we had the best team of doctors but nothing work. In a way I’m glad he didn’t suffer any longer but I’m pissed that he died so quick. People live for years with that disease and he never got a chance. I think my sisters still blame me for his death since I’m the oldest and made most of the decisions with my mother. I did my best and thought I got him the best care available. The anger and hurt is getting better but it never leaves, 4 years later.
I understand where you’re coming from. My dad passed away too soon and what you’re expressing is what everyone who has lost someone their close to goes through. It’s the questioning why and wondering why and what ifs. It’s normal and I think it’s great you were honest because you likely gave some comfort to people who feel the same but felt alone in their thoughts.
I think that for the rest of your life whenever someone dies you will think of how your mother died too soon….. Now, I think the best way to deal with that is to see the light in death and not the dark. Its a place where everything is good. Read the book; 90 minutes in Heaven, and you might have an epiphany. Try to see that death has its purpose in life.
After reading the comments, how can anyone call you a selfish blank???? at best you are just blatenly honest….. I respect the honest. Stay honest. Those that call you names are just jealous and or immature, and having reached the place in life where you are………
It takes a long time to get over a loved ones death, but tell it to your husband and blog something we actually want to hear about.
You are not selfish – your reactions are normal. I’m not sure how good a quality a life he could have had undergoing such rigorous chemo.
But he’s a peace – and I don’t think that’s a wrong thing to wish for.
As for getting over your mother’s death – you never get over the death of a loved one. How can you when they’re such a huge part of your life? (and yes, even if a parent dies they’re still part of your life) The best you can do is to be happy in your life without them and to remember that it’s not longevity that counts but quality. And it sounds as though you and your mum had a high quality life.
My dad died years ago – and I don’t want to get over it. I accepted his death and didn’t grieve like the rest of my family, but I miss him each and everyday. And that is something I will never get over. I can’t pretend to have a life that doesn’t include the one person I’ve known my entire existence – he’s not with me physically but he’s always with me in one way or other.
You sound to be doing really well by the way!
You’re an amazing woman! 😀
Funny how typed text can be interpreted in so many different ways. I guess it’s understandable being that it doesn’t express emotion very well!
I don’t think it’s what you said , but how you said it.” He died, finally”. So insensitive
I’m sure you spared no expense and found the best-trained, highly-qualified doctors to care for your mom. Which begs the question, why so quiet on Obamacare? Is it because that’s one element of his socialist agenda that WOULD affect you? When the government runs healthcare, they would have sent your mom to a hospice upon diagnosis – not worth the money to help her. You support that guy, so stop being a hypocrite and promote his healthcare plan.
Jennifer, I heard the show yesterday and I feel terrible for you. It is obvious to me that many of these people have not lost someone as close to them as you were to your mother. I understand exactly how you feel. My entire family was killed, yes I say killed in freak accidents, driving off rt 84 and hitting a tree, drowning, hitting their heads on rocks and yes cancer and strokes to add. It’s been many years since they have all died and I still can’t get over it. No I am not crazy but you just can’t say to someone to get over it. It doesn’t work that way. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. Pay no attention to these people who say this to you, although I know it is difficult. When I worked the other nurses could not understand why I would not work on the anniversary of my brother, Todd’s death. That was important to me just like their kids soccer game was important to them. I would hear “how long is she going to carry on with this.” That was so mean and hurtful I can’t tell you. We’ll now they all can have May 16th off. I don’t understand how people in this world can be like that. I will say this to you, I am on your side and when it happens to them maybe they will understand what death is all about. I am sorry your fans were so bitter towards you. That was not fair of them and it did not warrant such behavior on their part. My best to you. Amy
again, thanks for being honest, those of us who have been thru life’s what if moments and have wrestled with the guilt, questioning always questioning, GET IT. don’t let the negative nellies get you down.
I would just like to say, and this might sound strange, but I am envious of your grief. My father died one month ago of lung cancer. Diagnosed on April 1, died on August 3. We had a difficult relationship, details don’t make any difference here, and I wish that I could miss him more. I am grieving him, but not in that gut wrenching, wish he was here with me, type of feeling. Don’t let anyone tell you the right way to grieve or the right way to feel. Be glad that you had a wonderful mother who is worth missing and left a legacy of love for her children and grandchildren. You are a very lucky woman to have had that in your life.
You don’t have to explain, Jennifer. Your feelings make perfect sense considering the loss of your own mother to the disease. Don’t be bothered by people who don’t get it.
Hugs.
isn’t the concept of this whole thing, she posts what she wants given it’s her blog, and we post what we think and feel in the comments? why is everyone getting so worked up over a few days of back and forth…when she posts the next topic we will start replying to that…
My mother died of pancreatic cancer, too. She only lasted four months from the day she was diagnosed until the day she died. When Patrick Swayze and the CMU professor died, I felt exactly the same way you did.
As always, I applaud you for your honesty—and your tact.
P.S. Time does ease the pain. Hang in there.
You should not apologize for what you said and anybody who was that disgusted by what you wrote should start their own blogs and stop commenting on yours. The internet is great but it sure does seem to give people just the excuse they need to sharpen their claws. I haven’t lost anyone the way you have, but I completely got what you were saying and didn’t find it offensive in any way to Patrick Swayze or his family. God rest him and your mom, and I wish you peace.
I have written to you before. My beloved Mumi died in 1998 of Pancreatic Cancer, 6 months after her diagnosis. I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from with your comments. Patrick Swayze could be anyone but because he was a well-known person, we had to hear how he was winning the battle or at least trying to win the battle. But of course you and I always knew that the news of his death was inevitable.
My wish for you, Jennifer, is that you will soon realize there was nothing more you could have done to save her.
I am a 47 year old married man with 2 great kids, I lost my father 2 years ago and have good and bad days still, he also had cancer. I have lost family members before but for some reason took my dad’s the hardest, no matter how much you prepare yourself and know they are in a better place it doesnt make it any easier…more than anything else I miss him for just being him. So don’t let anyone tell you to “get over it” you can only hope to miss your mom a little more each day until one day you only miss them a little.
Jennifer, I also have pancreatic cancer in my family. I hope and pray that someday, we will have an early and accurate screening tool to find this deadly killer before it ravages too many more innocent souls and their families. much love, julie.
Give ’em hell Jennifer! This is your space and you are entitled to express your feelings, thoughts and opinions. I found both posts to be real and honest. Stay true to yourself, don’t worry about the rest of the world.
looks like you thinned the herd…let this go and DO NOT feel any guilt for sharing your feelings. Afteralll, isnt it YOUR blog?
Oh Jennifer {{ hugs }}. Having recently went through a very scary cancer scare and spending so much time at a cancer hospital it is the WORST! 20 years all of my friends were dropping dead from AIDS. Now so many around have cancer. The only thing I can say is that now that I am cancer free I have such a huge appreciation for a healthy day! You never know what is around the corner. I have stopped hoarding Lush soaps and bath bombs and clothes I was saving for that special occasion!
Good Lord, this is getting old.
I thought the whole point of a blog was to express yourself. I’m offended by the fact that all these posts are so angry. I appreciate the honesty and really despise all these bull-shit, canonizing posts of someone you guys don’t even know. Sure he suffered and that’s really awful, but I don’t see how Jennifer sharing her personal feelings about her own experience with terminal illness and death could be construed as anything but that…her own experience. She didn’t know Patrick Swayze or his family and NEITHER DO YOU PEOPLE. Don’t pretend to understand what his family and friends are going through and stop defending them as though they were your closest friends. Grief and loss are extremely personal, individual things and you have no right to demand that anyone act or react in a way you deem acceptable. Ridiculous.
Jennifer, who cares what anyone else says? this is YOUR blog, YOUR opinions, YOUR feelings. I did feel the same as you after my father died of lung cancer, one of our friends had it as well, and he lived longer. WHY??? What didn’t we do right? These are normal feelings. You know what you mean and don’t apologize to anyone. xoxoxo
just as an aside – if people have such a problem with blogs and other people’s comments/feelings, WHY DO THEY READ THEM???? Oh, and I REALLY hate when people misspell words. I really do.
“I miss thee, my Mother! They image is still the deepest impressed on my heart.” ~ Eliza Cook ~ 16 years later…my heart still has pangs for the loss of my Mom. The relationship was so deep, and so trusting between us, that how could you be expected to feel differently? So do not be hard on yourself, or hurry your grief…there is no timetable for grief.
Death is hardest on those left behind, it can make you hard and bitter,wold you want that for your loved ones left behind?
I completely understand where your comments came from. Absolutely. Like you, my mom was taken too young. She died at age 53. No, I was not a child, and for that I am grateful. But my mom did not live to meet her grandchildren and to watch them grow up like most people do. And as a result, I think I am a little hardened. When I hear of someone losing a parent in their 80s or even 70s, I think to myself, well, at least they knew their grandchildren. They lived a full life. I may be sad when a life ends, but I don’t believe it is tragic when someone lives to a ripe old age and dies. THAT is life. And frankly, I don’t get worked up about it. Does that make me a terrible person? So be it.
I can’t say that about my mom — that she lived a full and long life, and neither can you. And ONLY those who’ve walked this journey have any place at all to judge.
To those who THINK they have a right to judge without experiencing anything like losing a parent far too soon, I say I hope you continue to lead your charmed lives, because karma has a way of biting you in the ass.
You should NOT apologize for what you said. You said nothing wrong. You have every right to still miss your mother and still mourn her loss. You are human and therefore capable of having complex emotions. You didn’t say anything offensive. There are many cyberbullies. Don’t let them bring you down. I appreciate your honesty.
Wow, I’m a little surprised. When you said he died finally, I thought you were going to continue to say “so he is no longer suffering, because I know what it’s like” Instead it was the complete opposite. I can understand your feelings to a point, but this was a little inconsiderate.. maybe try and be empathetic knowing he is now in peace and no longer in pain.
At 16 I came home from school and found my father dead from a heart attack, on the floor, clutching the phone. Ten years later, my mother woke on a Saturday morning with a headache and nausea. By 10 am she was in a vegetative state in which she lingered for seven weeks until she died, finally. I have never in all these intervening years felt relief, comfort or an inappropriate sense of smugness at the passing (or survival) of anyone who has suffered from heart disease or a stroke. I quietly recall my own loss, pity their families and move on. You, Jennifer, should follow suit.
I completely understand where you are coming from. And, those who think you should be over the loss of your mom must be fortunate enough to not have had to deal with such a loss. I lost my dad in 1995. I miss him as much today as I did that first week after his death. The pain is not as sharp,but it’s still there. With time, I’ve learned to focus more on the good times and how lucky I was to be blessed with such a great dad. The healing just comes wih time. Your feelings on Patrick Swayze are obviously about the disease and not him personally. Don’t let the haters bring you down.
I understand EXACTLY how you feel. Don’t even need to explain. The cosmic unfairness of it all.
Bravo Jen. Feeling is a part of healing. Never did I think I would have certain thoughts, feeling, behaviors, until I experienced my parents deaths……and 4 of my best friends
deaths.
We do the best we can each day, can’t really ask for more than that. Your insights ( I feel) help many..what people do with them are their issues.
Happy New Year.
C
Jennifer I read your blog when you posted it and didn’t comment not from shock or anger but purely at a loss of words. You said it perfectly this is YOUR blog not mine or anyone else’s we are blessed that you wish to share you most inner thoughts and most of the time they are very raw and personal and why the f*** not – it is YOUR blog and we want to read them and find solace or insight in your words. For those who have lost a loved one they /we might find it comforting and some may not but I don’t think you need to apologise for YOUR feelings!! Who can expect such a thing – unless you offend someone directly. Continue doing whatever it is that gets you through and for those that are offended go elsewhere or just wait for a blog entry that you might like don’t expect an apology it is not right these are private thoughts and a blog is an expression of that! For attention I don’t think so if it was Jennifer wouldn’t have as many supporters as she does! All the best xxx Stefania
i can totally relate,i had the same feelings when farrah fawcett died,i really liked her and of course wanted her to pull through but when she didnt i felt the same way that you did that no matter how much money you have or all the advanced treatments you undergo the disease is the same to all of us.
im glad you are coping better as time goes on,it is really the only thing that gets you through it.