have been waiting to write this blog until i felt comfortable enough to do it…but then i realized i won’t ever feel comfortable, so might as well get over myself and write it now.
i’ve had a life long weight issue (caused, i am sure, by nature AND nurture.)
and like so many others, i have, on and off, worked on it. i’ve had modest successes over the years…but since i’ve been married and a mother (1997/98), the struggle has seemed greater.
but by the fall of 2007, i felt like i was (finally yet again!) on the road to winning (learned by now there is no winning- struggle never ends!) i felt like i was on the road to losing enough excess weight to feel healthy and good. on the road to feeling ok in my body. i was doing weight watchers (still, i think, the best commercial diet there is) and had experienced a small yet much appreciated weight loss (like 10lbs).
and then my mom got sick. and i gave up. i stopped exercising. i stopped eating healthy. i stopped looking in the mirror.
and quickly, the 10lbs i lost, i found. plus several more. and oh. i felt horrible. and getting on the scale, on anyone’s scale, was NOT (based on my mental state) an option.
my mother was sick, and frankly, chocolate covered pretzels taste really good.
my mom died in july of 2008. wow. sucker punched. wrecked. obliterated. confused. overwhelmed. exhausted. sad.
grieving was all consuming. i can barely remember the year after she died. i was a shell of who i had been. i could laugh, i could always laugh, but the nagging loss was always so palpable. i was tired. always tired. always lacking energy. and easily out of breath.
yet i thought for sure i’d be able to move through it all and get myself back to some semblance of me quickly…immediately (WRONG AGAIN!)
and so i tried to diet.
but i didn’t want to exercise.
i think i felt too gross to move my body any more than i absolutely had to.
and my diet failed.
ok, i failed.
and i didn’t lose anything after my mom died.
in fact, i gained some more.
numbers here are fuzzy because (as i said before) i did not get on the scale. far too painful. and i was in enough pain.
december of 2008, i decided to start exercising. and i began going to (yet another) nutritionist… i didn’t feel like i could go to a center like weight watchers and deal with people. and so in december of 2008 i started getting weighed weekly. i got on the scale backwards and covered my ears (it was a digital scale so not really necessary to cover my ears but i am INSANE!)… and the deal was my nutritionist would tell me each week if the scale was heading in the right direction…or not. needless to say, december- what with vacation and all, was not successful.
but january 2009, i did start slowly losing weight.
and i was exercising. not daily. and not a lot, but at least moving more than i had been.
in the middle of january 2009, i went to my doctor for a physical and determined i had high blood pressure…which was a wake up call. scared the crap out of me. i had been so focused on cancer that i wasn’t paying attention to something else that could kill me… and both cancer and heart disease thrive in bodies carrying too much weight. so i think mentally, by the end of january of 2009, there was a shift to focus more on my health. and so i did. and since then, i have consistently been watching what i eat and exercising more.
and now it is starting to show. a year and four months after i started from a very high weight (for me) i am finally feeling better.
i am weighing myself every day now (have been since october of 2009) and i am doing several diets at once (lol)..between weight watchers (i love the online program) and low carb and the ever popular don’t start eating till later in the day rather than early and my calorie counting etc…
and i exercise almost every day for at least 1 hour. and it is a concerted effort every day. and not easy. and not all that fun.
i am no kirstie alley post jenny craig. and no valerie bertinelli either (she’s way thinner than i am!)
i will not preach how to lose weight…because i have no clue what will work for anyone else! i don’t really even have a clue what’s going to continue to work for me… i am just going to keep trying.
i am just a girl who’s back to the size i was before i got married…and that’s a girl who isn’t obese, but isn’t thin (yet) either.
and it feels terrific. and terrifying.
terrific because i am not out of breath quickly like i was… and my blood pressure is lower (but not low enough!). terrific because i am actually enjoying exercise now…(most days!) terrific because i feel like my body is less stressed because there is less extra weight. terrific because i can wear (almost) any brand of jeans now…(but american eagle has the BEST jeans at extremely reasonable cost in all sizes).
terrific because all around it is not as hard now as it was for me to get dressed most days.
and it is terrifying because i don’t want to stop losing. and terrifying because i don’t want to gain it back. and terrifying because i want people to like me whether i am fatter or thinner.
but i am forging ahead. i’ve thrown out the “fat clothes”.
and i am going to do my best to stay vigilant.
because if i don’t then i am guaranteed to gain it back. and i really don’t want to.
xxx
jennifer
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Congratulations, Jennifer!!! Well done!! I relate to your whole story!! Blood pressure…was my wake up, too. And I never knew there were people who agreed with me about NOT eating breakfast and all that! I can’t stand eating early…no appetite. I like that you are finding your own way…what works for you…what you enjoy…as much as one can. I combine methods, too. You gotta keep it interesting.
Despite that you don’t preach a method…I would LOVE to hear any tips you have a long the way. Back to the size you were when you got married? Now THAT is an accomplishment that I’d like to reach! That’s a BiG YEESH!!! Impressive!!
And I know the terror of it all. Just when you think you got it licked something can come up….like a parent dying. But you just do your best to stay healthy….that’s the priority and eventually you get centered again.
Your effort, your process is a REAL achievement and something to be very proud of…especially so soon after your loss of your mother. Actually QUITE amazing!!
You GO GIRL!! LOVE YOU!!! XOXO
Bravo! Congratulations I know how hard a struggle that is and what a accomplishment that is for you.
The emotional issues should not factor into the weight gain but somehow they do.
I too lost my father in Sept. 2009 (he was my only parent for the last 30 years,my mother died of breast cancer when I was young) and then my favorite brother unexpectedly died a month after. So to say that chocolate has tasted good is a understatement.
I need to loose 30 pounds and I’m still so sad that I can’t bear to go out and exercise………don’t want anyone to see me with the extra weight. I tried the WW online too but I’m inconsistent …….I should start weighing myself everyday like you did. Also is the exercise your doing high in intensity to drop the pounds?
What is the Alexis theory of waiting to eat later and count calories???????? could you explain that to me, would love to give it a try.
Can’t wait to be over my grieving and to loose this stubborn weight and to just be the old me……..I miss me!
Thanks for sharing
Jennifer, I also, like many of your listeners, am fighting a good fight with the scale. I will be 45 this year and had just lost 30 lbs last year but this year it is creeping back slowly. I have decided that this part of my live will be devoted to being healthy instead of getting to a certain place on the scale. I eat healthy but have not exercised since Dec. Thanks for the blog. I too will stay vigilant and be as healthy as I can. I WILL get on the treadmill tomorrow.
Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You look amazing, and you are obviously a beautiful woman inside and out. I’m so happy for you, and pray that I will be where you are one day.
You are an inspiration!
you are an amazing writer. Love all of this! Here is to You!
Wow Jennifer!!! That’s so awesome! Congratulations and keep up the good work!
this made me cry. it’s my story except change dad for mom and i haven’t lost the weight that i’ve accumulated over the last year or so. thanks for sharing, its a reminder that everyone has their issues and we need to step up and take care of this body we have been given for the journey.
Fabulous, Jennifer. I love this post – it’s so real and generous, to yourself and to your readers. I am on the same journey, trying to get into the groove of doing at least an hour a day of exercise. I’m so happy to hear it is working for you. Your husband and children must be happy for you too. Thank you for writing this!
Jennifer….
Keep up the hard work…everyday is a struggle…no matter what your are dealing with..just be strong and focused and you can do ANYTHING..
and you see…you even have a support system..in all the people who have written above me…and I am sure below..
Thats awsome, you should be so proud, keep up the great work….one suggestion about working out…i recently join a fitness club called KOKO fitness club..its a total body workout each session and its 30 min and 15 min of cardio..michael woods programs workouts and cardio..he’s the best….its not a gym….its about being fit…love it…i think there’s one in N,Y…One just opened in Louisiana that i joined…i’m on your f/b and have them as a favorite..check it out and tell them i sent you…lol
Welcome to my world. No longer obese but not yet thin. Life is good!
Congratulations Jennifer! Thanks for sharing your weight loss journey with us! You are so inspiring….Keep loving yourself!
So sorry to hear about your mom. I can’t imagine how hard it is to think about anything to do with getting healthy at a time like that. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and you will accomplish your goals in no time!
Jennifer, I have been waiting for you to let these thoughts see daylight. Everyone can see the difference in you. Both physically and mentally. I am a person who waits for someone to bring up a subject themselves when they are ready to. I hope you knew all along how many people were happy to see you making these changes for yourself. And that is who they are for, not your fans, not your family, although we all celebrate and bask in the new Jennifer. The change is all about you, you accomplished this, you are reaping the rewards of feeling healthier and happier. But as I said, we can all be happy with you. And stuff that fear and doubt down a hole and bury it. Don’t let the fear take any of the joy away from you! ♥♥♥ RR
Oh Jen ,,,, this is so like me …. while i have not had the tragedy of losing my mother (and I am very sorry for your loss) i too have struggled with about 20 lbs of extra weight on and off over the years. About 2 years ago I was down to a great weight for me, (lost ~25 lbs) and like you, was no skinny minnie, but felt good, my clothes fit, and yes it was so easy to find something in your closet to wear. Honestly the only “diet” that works for me is to stop putting food in my mouth! Not eating til later in the day works for me too – funny that you mention that as I just kinda of figured that out.recently.
Over the last year the weight kinda crept back on … there was Christmas, then spring vacation in Mexico, summer bbqs with friends, summer vacation – thanksgiving, christmas, and lots of dinner gatherings … and lots of travel for work, well you know, your body and brain just start thinking this is the thing to do and you crave that crap … So 20 lbs later I needed to start over again … I too can’t get too motivated about exercise – just feel too fat and look like crap in exercise outfits and walking is just so boring (but I love lulu lemon!) Anyway I am down 8 lbs since staying focused on my own plan,..I think another 10-12 lbs will do it,and yes I am terrified too… that I will get stalled and not keep losing, or start going up again, and I’ll never feel like I did 2 years ago again when I was my ideal weight.
You have inspired me to keep trying Jen.(and maybe even to hop up on that treadmill) Thanks for the blog today!
By the way,I love your show, say hi to Alexis,!
Your honesty is so refreshing, relatable, and inspiring. Best of luck to you as the journey continues.
Hi Jen, Soo proud of you and for your being so nakedly honest. Its a HARD thing to do and I can appreciate that because I am a lot like you in terms of that. I would rather die than own up to that type of talk, especially dealing with weight just like you. Its hard and its lifelong and I have been there and am there once again, like you. I applaude you for taking care of you . Thats important and you have that beautiful family to live for. You are beautiful when you had to lose weight and you will be just as when you are thinner. Best of luck to you and just keep on keepin. You inspire me and Lord knows I need it.
Congratulations!!! So happy for you, keep writing, I love your blog!
Jennifer,
As the ladies before me have stated, you are an inspiration and a TRULY lovely lady inside and out…my father passed in July of ’09, I too was simply eating anything that was convenient as we would stay at the hospital with him 24/7…the weight crept on…in October of ’09, I started Weight Watchers online…it is a great program and I’ve lost 30 pounds and I’m working on another 20…I share this as I agree with your insights regarding WW, but to also urge others to try it as well….your blog makes me smile, you have gals out here supporting you from afar in every way…thank you for your straight forward comments and insight…you are a love and your family is blessed to have you as I am sure they know!
Keep goin’ girl, I look forward to our success!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Jennifer. I am fighting this battle also (well, I guess it’s safe to say I haven’t started fighting yet). Everyday I tell myself I’m going to start, and then don’t. I feel inspired by your story, and feel I can do this, too! Remember – your true friends don’t care what you look like on the outside!
Cheers! It must be the right time for you. Stay at it and be happy and proud.
my father was just recently diagnosed with prostate cancer…not sure yet as to the extent…bone scan to come in 2 weeks…so pretty much the most terrifying part right now, the part of not knowing.
thank you for writing so honestly about your feelings (and writing so well). i can relate to feeling like you should be doing something meaningful. but i know i’m not going to win the tour de france. i’m not going to start a charity. i’m not going to write a book (at least not about cancer). i’m not going to lose weight. most likely, i won’t do much of anything different. except worry about my dad and try to make the most of whatever time we have left. is that right? could/should i do more? who the fuck knows.
and for the record…i don’t believe that “everything happens for a reason”. unless that reason is there are sick murdering fucks in this world, and bad genes and bad habits, and just bad fucking luck..then yea, ok.
the only thing i don’t like about your post is “terrifying because i want people to like me”. fuck that noise. be happy with yourself. most people are fucking idiots anyway…..the fuck you care what they think?
Wonderful Jennifer! That sounds amazing. Thank you for being so honest, that is hard to do…especially in a blog.
I think that you are very pretty and I want you to know that I don’t care if you are thinner or fatter..you are still the same person. Hopefully alot of people feel the same way I do. I think its great you went through a struggle and came out the other side. I too am still learning to do that, sometimes it feels just so darn hard but I realize things could be a hell of alot worse.
Exercise not only helps the body, but it does help the mind too. You feel better, you look better – it’s a win win situation. I wish you the best of luck, I wish I was even half as self diciplined as you when it comes to exercise. I don’t do it and I should! After years of school forcing us to do PE, after high school…I just sort of got sick of exercising everyday. 7 years went by and that is when I realized I had no idea how much it helped to exercise an hour a day. It really does help you mentally, physically etc. I at least started adjusing my diet, I eat less bad things and I totally eliminated starbucks and coffee out of my diet all together (crazy ..I KNOW).
Thanks for sharing!
Jennifer I know where your coming from! Great job! continued success on your journey! I too Lost quite a bit of weight since feb 2009 and I feel better but not where I want to be! So thank you for sharing your journey with us that have the same issues what an inspiration!
Hi, congratulations also you are an inspiration. You clearly look great, healthy and thinner. Persisting with the exercise is the hardest part i think. And despite looking good, feeling good is so important, because then you are happier and naturally look better. I am sorry to hear about the blood pressure. I hope you can manage it with diet and not have to become involved with medication at all, ever. I know giving up salt is good (i could never do it, i salt potato chips!). The other thing i have found thats a good snack are chocolate rice cakes (i can’t live without chocolate). keep up the positive thoughts and silence those nagging negatives…
What a wonderful story! Thank you sooo much for sharing that with us! That’s why I enjoy you so much! Congratulations and I’ll be a cheerleader from Texas! Smooches!
Too many times I’ve watched people gain it back. Stay focused please.
Well said and well done! What a prolific and honest writer you are. It takes a lot to be so honest with yourself, let alone with people you always know. As a listener and fan, thank you so much for sharing your truth, it probably relates to so many people out there. I lost my mom to cancer in May 2008, the day after mother’s day. It is a pain I will never fully be able to articulate and will likely never fully recover from. Instead, I have learend to live with the loss and try as hard as I can to enjoy my life, be a great wife to my husband and mom to my two little boys. I too turn to food to help with pain I cannot control. Sometimes it is the only comfort I find. But I have also started training for a 1/2 marathon, something inside me told me I could do it, I never even questioned it and I am person who questions everything. I am on my treadmill everyday, I am making better food choices for myself and family and through all of these healthy changes I feel better inside and out. I sadness of losing my mom will always be there but I feel like the depression that might creep in is kept at bay with good sweaty exercise and healthy, whole foods. It really does work. As long as you feel happy with yourself, no one else matters. Feel good and look good for you, for your family and for your mom. She is watching and smiling down. I am sure there is a big ‘ol mom’s club up there and they are all together toasting us and feeling our undying love. Happy Mother’s Day to you…
Yeah Jennifer! I am so happy for your success. You have been through alot and your strength has been inspiring. You have come out of your tragedy a beautiful individual no matter what your weight. We love you and wish the best for you always. Keep up the good work! I love listening to you and Alexis every day!
Keep up the great work. I can totally relate to your struggle as I too have HUGE weight issues. Stress,does a number on me too. Since June I have lost 70 pounds.It is excitnig but scary. I have been a yoyo since the fourth grade. People tell me I look good now, but I just do not see it. It is hard work. I try not to be crazy around my girls about my weight. I do not want them to become a slave to scale like me. I tell my six children that I just want to be healthy. Best of luck and Jennifer you are not alone.
Tell me more about not eating until later. I haven’t heard Alexis talk about that.
Congrats to you! And whatever size you are, you are gorgeous.
Wow….I am actually crying as I am reading this. You have no idea how much this post hit a nerve with me right now. I am struggling every single hour of every single day with my weight. Jennifer – thank you for sharing this info. I saw your video blog last week and couldn’t believe how gorgeous (and thin) you looked. I am printing this post and putting it on my refrigertator (and in my pantry :). Thanks for the inspiration!
congratulations, jennifer! it is so hard to lose weight. you’re an inspiration!!
Jenn, I think your awesome!
Jen:
Way to go! Thank you for your candor. The story could be mine. Although I am about 16 years older than you I feel the same way. I had 56 pounds off for 4 years and my husband got sick and my mother died and I am now up 35lbs……….I have to get a grip and hopefully your determination will be an inspiration to me.
Excellent post. Very inspiring as I too continue everyday to try and focus on being more healthy for myself which in turn means my husband and children. Getting up to head to the gym in the morning will be a bit easier and while I’m running on that treadmill I will be reminding myself of your post! Keep up the great work and remember to take it day by day.
I will say … you have given me new inspiration for doing the right thing. I have been so depressed for the last year. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with high BP and put on medication…and diagnosed with T2 diabetes and put on medication. Since then I got a job where at first I walked 8 to 10 miles/daily….watched my carbs…and lost 30#. 5’5″ …weight down to 135#…sounds great right? Well…in the last year I have quit smoking and my health has gone to He##….gained my 30# back….don’t walk nearly so much in my job anymore and just all around sadly depressed. Some of it I am sure is my age…62 in July. So hard so hard to realize and come to grips with being that old…. don’t have a clue what I have been eating really that would add that weight to me… BUT… I do know AFTER reading your blog tonite…I will get back on the exercise bandwagon and walk on my treadmill since I do not walk so many miles at work anymore. Will most definitely watch my carbs and try to lower drastically…but it is HARD!! I Love to cook….and I Love to EAT… Please keep posting your progress as it gives me encouragement…. Thanks so much Jennifer….
Brenda
Hi Jen, I’m really glad you finally found it within to share these very personal things…you inspire us all. Congrats on your accomplishments…if you “dont want to” gain it back, then don’t! At the end of the day, you ARE in control- so if you foresee a potential problem arise, counteract it to avoid unfavorable behavior. Check out The Beck Diet Solution for some helpful cognitive behavioral strategies. Again, BRAVA to you. Nicely done!
I have been listening to you and Alexis from the beginning. I remember when you started ww, and I remember when you mom died, I cried for your loss. I commend your willpower every day, especially to stay focused and exercise (its not fun for me like it seems for everyone else). Your beautiful no matter what, inside and out!
Go Girl!!!!
Jennifer you are such a love. I knew you were losing weight!!! I wrote and asked you on your rainbow cake post!! You look PETITE!! CONGRATS JENN!! I needed to read your post, I’m dieting also. Was nawing on a piece of wood (not really) just before I read your precious blog; I’m having a hungry day. You made me feel so much better.
Love ya Jenn
Congratulations! Your story is inspiring. Inspiring enough to get me to do anything?? …. well, that remains to be seen. But I keep trying.
GOOD FOR YOU! XO
Go Jen Go. U R very inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Practicing new behaviors and refusing to give in to the old ways and the past is pretty scary. I wish you all the best and am so happy for you that you are feeling more alive.
I’ve had a weight issue much of my life and for thge last year have worked with a nutrionist to develop a plan that is healthy and workable for me. Now I have to really address the mental part as well so that I don’t step out of my life by eating unhealthily, obsessing or overeating.
Very honest and inspirational, this is by far your best blog!
Good for you Jen! I also took 1 1/2 yrs to lose 30 lbs, (have to admit I cheat on weekends) at WW meetings. Became Lifetime last year, then decided to up the exercise. Have been practicing yoga 2-3 times a week, going to really hard classes. I’ve gained about 5 lbs, but my body changed because my clothes fit so much better. Being almost 60, I thought I was going to be a fat old lady. But YOU have to decide to do it, find what you can live with so you can stick with it. Only then it works, as you’ve found. Congratulations!
What a FANTASTIC blog! Best I have ever taken the time to read! CONGRATULATIONS Jennifer, on a job well done and have faith in YOU and do nt stop, this is not a race, this is a journey, a life long journey. Slow and steady is the path to take.
As an over weight Mom/Grandma I am proud of you and I know your Mother would be too, She is right there with you, helping you every step of the way.
GO JENNIFER!
Terrific Jennifer!! WW is the best and you have found what works for you.
Thank you! You are an inspiration to those of us facing similar situations.
Must be really hard what with Alexis baking all those cakes and cookies and bringing them into work.
Jennifer, first….people will like you if you are fatter or thinner but being thinner is healthier for you. I’m so glad you are starting to feel better, the blood pressure is lower and i’m sure seeing those numbers going down even inspires you more to keep moving and exercising. You’ve been through a rough time and it’s difficult to just bounce back from that, it takes a lot of time. I’m a guy and now that I’m getting a little older, it’s harder to control my weight and it’s frustrating.
I’m adopted so I don’t know what my health history could be so I really need to be more disciplined, just to keep everything under control so I can be in the best shape I can be….plus I’m going to Hawaii in September for my 40th and I want to look good!! lol. Just remember that you are not the only one, there are people around you for support and guidance to help you get through the rough patches.
Love you. You are a very good writer.
Thanks, I think alot of women deal with this everyday. Thanks again for writing it. I think it helps seeing it written.
I appreciate your honesty and how down to earth you seem. Everyone on the planet feels as you do and you have offered support for many struggling people today.
Good for you, really. Losing lifelong habits and comforts isn’t easy to do. I was (am) on Weight Watchers too and I’ve lost a little over 100 lbs but like you, I am still terrified, lol.
Congrats on being able to push through horribleness and bounce back. 😉
Thank you for being so real and raw with us all. I know it took a lot. Keep it up, take one day at a time. 🙂
Congrats Jennifer! I had noticed in the jeans photo you had posted a while back that you looked great! I totally agree on the American Eagle jeans, they fit great and flatter (no pun intended) my super flat ass…although being nearly 40 myself, I feel a little douchey shopping at a store for teens.
I thought you looked thinner – great job!
Congrats Jen! So proud of you! I have heard people say not to wear elastic pants, to wear jeans…this way you know when you have a gained a few pounds and need to cut back a little! I wish you the best!
Congrats Jennifer, and thank you for sharing your journey. I, too, think that Weight Watchers is the best program and I have been successful with it MANY times, lol. I once got to within 5 pounds of goal, but then the holidays happened. You are smart to catch your hypertension early. I didn’t, and I’m now on three medications for it, but I’m hoping to get inspired to get back on track and get these 40 pounds off. Your journey has helped kick me in the booty and I’m going to go walk in the park right now …
awesome.
Jennifer—I love your writing. I listen to you and Alexis almost every day and you always make me laugh—sometimes you seem flip or glib to me (NOT an insult) on the radio; in your writing, pure sensitvitiy and thoughtfulness come through—when you write, I don’t feel a wall between you as the writer and me as your reader—this is a gift. I know you and Alexis are writing a book and I am so glad. You look beautiful and I am happy you are doing something so wonderful for yourself.
Thank you for sharing this post, it’s gutsy & real. And there are a bijillion women who could identify with it. WTG Jennifer!
Before and after pictures please.
Congrats Jennifer…..I too am doing weight watchers and excercizing more…. my story is a little differnt….. in January of 09 I was really thin… I had pnumonia and didnt know it…. went to the doctor on Jan 11th.. and was put into intensive care on a respirator (I was 38 at the time)… I dont remember the first 10 days I was in the hospital…. I spent a total of 2 months in the hospital when I got out.. I weight 126… I should weigh about 155.. so… my mom and everyone started feeding me super fattening foods… before long I was my normal weight.. but then I couldnt stop eating… by the end of the year I was up to 190…. so starting in april I got on weight watchers to teach me how to eat again… I have lost 10 lbs so far.. and now excersizing daily….. good luck with the weight loss… its never easy.. but once u make up your mind…. you will do it!
Congrats Jennifer…..I too am doing weight watchers and excercizing more…. my story is a little differnt….. in January of 09 I was really thin… I had pnumonia and didnt know it…. went to the doctor on Jan 11th.. and was put into intensive care on a respirator (I was 38 at the time)… I dont remember the first 10 days I was in the hospital…. I spent a total of 2 months in the hospital when I got out.. I weight 126… I should weigh about 155.. so… my mom and everyone started feeding me super fattening foods… before long I was my normal weight.. but then I couldnt stop eating… by the end of the year I was up to 190…. so starting in april I got on weight watchers to teach me how to eat again… I have lost 10 lbs so far.. and now excersizing daily….. good luck with the weight loss… its never easy.. but once u make up your mind…. you will do it!
Jen, always love your writing and what a wonderful story to read today. The biggest thing is to keep moving your body. I know you take a variety of classes which is great and on the days when you dont want to move, throw a couple 3 lb weights in your coat pockets and strap a leash on Ms Hazel and go for a really good walk. Congrats on your success!!
Inspiring
Jenny,
I’m so happy for you! After 20 years on Weight Watchers, I just reach my goal and became a lifetime member last night. The balance of food and exercise really helped me this time. I’m seriously addicted to spin class at the gym. The best feeling ever, is putting on my jeans and not having a muffin top. Good luck to you!!!!
Gabrielle
When you guys were on tiny chat…I thought you looked like you had lost weight…way to go..keep up the great work.
I think you are the Sweetest an Real person!! I’m sure it took a lot of thought on your part to be sooo open. Adore you and keep up the great job!!!!
u r REAL!! winner … winner … winner!
I am so proud of you and inspired! Unfortunately, I can relate and struggle everyday with the same issues. I’m 20 lbs lighter than last year but have a long way to go to reach my goal.
As far as eating in the morning, I eat a kashi bar with my coffee a couple of hours after I get up. The bars were recomended by my Dr. because they are high in fiber and protein. My Aunt is trying a diet that works for her. It’s the concept of eating like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch and a pauper for dinner. You can eat whatever you want for breakfast, less for lunch and a lite dinner. I don’t like to eat a heavy breafast so it’s not for me. Best of luck and know that you have so many supporters!
This is amazing! When you feel good about yourself it shows and others will naturally feel good for you! I’m sure that your family IS benefitting because you project a more positive aura. I know it’s hard because I struggle with good thoughts, exercise, diet, weight, and all those feelings that you mentioned when it comes to self image. I always have. Keep on doing what you’re doing and thanks for sharing.
So happy for you, Jennifer! Keep up the good work. You’re my inspiration!
Hi Jen. This was an excellent read. First, you do not have to explain anything about yourself but I know it’s theraputic. I’m going to force my sister to read this. Same issues. Frankly, you have been sounding better on-air, maybe it’s the renewed energy from exercising. Even walking is good. Good for you. You went thru hell and had other people to take care of and of course, being a nurturer – you are the last person to get taken care of. Congrats, good luck and don’t stop!
Jennifer
this is the best post–bravo!! I am african american and have too struggled with my weight all my life (nature or nurture??) no idea but I have. I am turning 45 this year and have seriously been on a mission…and then last night I am reading the May 2010 Atlantic Monthly (Fat Nation) with an obease Statue of Liberty on the cover…wow…it’s worse than we think…subtitle…i was shocked but mostly shocked at the pull-out quote inside regarding african american women, “at the current rate of increase, it will take less than 30 years for all black women to become overweight or obese” …how appalling…i have found my mission per se…anyway just wanted to thank you for your honesty with your struggles, I have lost 30 pounds since Dec.09 and feel great and want to lose about 20 morelll
You are an inspiration. I recently had a friend, who also happens to be MY doctor tell me that I look so young for my age, BUT would definitely age quickly if I was to lose a substantial amount of weight. Nice huh? Well, you’re living proof that this is NOT the case. I needed that. Good luck, and thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sure that it is a very hard to put yourself out there like that. This story pushes me to find a way to make the changes in my life so that I can get on the same path. I listen to your show everyday on my way home from work, I think that you both are hilarious! Keep up the good work.
Congratulations Jennifer! This is no easy subject to discuss publicly, ever. I wish you much success in reaching your goals. Please don’t be terrified. People will love you as you are, and if they don’t just follow what I assume would be Alexis’ advice and F-THEM!
Jennifer, thank you for writing this. I relate to this on so many angles it is crazy. I went through the loss of both parents last year and feel that I have totally lost myself. I see the look in my husbands eyes, although he does not say a word but I read his thoughts and I feel terrible. I am having a problem with high cholesterol and the scale at my Dr’s office just terrifies me because with every visit the number is higher and I get yelled at more and the preasure is bigger. I want to do something but I feel trapped and as much as a I want to, the food and the drink feel better to me. I hope I get your strength soon to put is all down and one step at a time work on myself very soon. Thank you and I actually have tears in my eyes right now. : (
Congratulations Jennifer!
Put on some slutty clothes and celebrate! lol
BTW – You always look great, regardless of your weight.
Good job, Jennifer. It’s an obvious thing, but carrying around an extra 10-20 lbs is not much different from hauling around barbells of that weight all day, and when you think about how physically burdensome that would be it’s easy to imagine how much better one would feel without it. You’ve worried a lot about health issues as well, so let those anxieties be commensurately diminished with the weight loss. And nobody of any consequence will like you more or less depending on whether you’re fatter or thinner.
Now that you are back to where you were; you will most likely stay there..the weight you gained accidently is gone for good. Most everyone will be their mother’s size.
Wow! Congrats!!! Keep up the good work, and mostly remember, it’s how you feel, rather than what the number on the scale says!! Good job!
Forging ahead in a way that brings you happiness no matter what you face is terrific. I find that if I don’t look at the whole sometimes and concentrate on the present day, moment, etc. I can succeed more consistently. Not an easy task…so many “blocks” out there to ward off….your efforts are admirable. GREAT!
Jen, your hard work is showing! (no pressure)
I share that same struggle and that same pain. I hope you keep up the hard work. Both you and Alexis are an inspiration. Although I still can’t bake and not eat :)…someday.
I’m off to the gym tonight ( thanks to your post). <3 !
Congrats Jennifer…You may not blog often, but you do blog honestly & with such raw emotion!
Try to enjoy this Sunday for the great Mom your’s was & the great Mom you are now. Stay healthy!!
Way to go. I too like most people on the blog have struggled with my weight. I am doing Weight Watchers and love it. I have lost 34 lbs since January and have 45 to go. Keep up the great work. Love the show!
Great post. Best wishes on your journey.
EXCELLENT!!!! I’m so proud of you!!
I know it’s difficult. I lost 45lbs in 2009 and then became derailed and stopped losing (started cheating on WW) but I’ve maintained. Still a way to go, but I can see the end of the road now.
The best day every was when I realized that I was too small to shop at Lane Bryant and moved to “normal” stores again.
I, too, gave away all my fatty clothes to a friend who is now doing WW (a year later) so she’ll be passing them on to someone else soon, too!! But I miss my red leather jacket 😉
Weight Watchers rocks – you really can eat whatever you want if you really want it and not feel too too guilty. But I have to get back on the bandwagon and stay in my points allowance again
i could have written the same thing. Up and down my weight is! at the moment,its up!trying again to lose,ugh!You look fabulous………
Fantastic. I am glad you are feeling better about life and your health is getting better. I know losing weight is a horrible pain in the ass. I have the same problem. I am constantly fighting it. I wish I was at my perfect weight for my frame at 115. But I doubt I will ever be a 4/6 again. I think that ship has sailed now that I am 49. Menopause is creaping up and changing the shape of my body. My mom is obsessed about weight. She is lucky that she weighs 90 pounds soaking wet. She has always been on me about my weight, although she was the junk food junkie, eating chips and eating chocolate and ice cream in front of me. I remember telling her that some day all the junk food would catch up with her. The day she called me to let me know that her cholesterol was sky high, I laughed my ass off. I don’t have that problem. But now to “control” her cholestrol she has developed an eating disorder. She doesn’t eat enough to keep a bird alive. And the food choices she picks are crazy. Too hard to retrain a 70+ year old woman. She won’t listen. I refuse to end up like her. Get the HPN under control, be happy with your body, and don’t go back to the sweatshirts and pajama pants. I am proud of you! I will continue to slowly lose the weight.
Your candor and heart and so appreciated. We are so bombarded with the over thin air brushed society… so someone telling the truth about the struggles is so REFRESHING! You are an inspiration (and don’t roll you eyes, you ARE)
YOU LOOK GREAT!!!!!! WATCH OUT ALEXIS!!
My Dad died the same time as your mom from Lung Cancer found @ Stage 4, so I have been feeling the same things as you as I see on your blog. My Dad always was yo-yo`ing with his weight all my life which lead me to believe, one does not need to diet, but change their eating habits and lifestyle. Keep it up, don`t think of it as a diet, but a lifestyle change. Here is the most important thing, slurge on something that is really worth the calories. A great piece of cake or french fries on the boardwalk. Don`t waste it on shitty stuff that just ain`t worth it!
i could have written the same thing. Up and down my weight is! at the moment,its up!trying again to lose,ugh!You look fabulous………
You rock! FYI, I have read your blog and know that you have been struggling, I think you are a beautiful, real, person who is honest about the struggles she faces and deals with her trials in a graceful way. The best of luck to you!
Bravo!!
Have you found that as you get thinner there are certain friends who feel threatened by you? Resent that you’re starting to look different?
I thought you looked thinner in the rainbow cake video. Goos job chickie.
good going, don’t let food rule your emotions, have sex, sex, sex, instead…
Thank you for sharing your weight struggle. I really appreciate your honesty. It is like a breath of fresh air when I have a chance to read your blog.
People who have never had a weight problem will never understand.
I’ve only struggled since my early 20s, and more so since having kids. But man, it is tough. Thanks again for sharing.
Thank you for being so brave. You look so good in your cake video…but Jennifer, you are beautiful whether you are 200 lbs or 150 lbs. It’s all about good HEALTH, isnt i? focus on that. and i believe you are. Be grateful you CAN excercise for an hour day. YAY! Keep up the good work. Dont focus on the pounds lost/pounds gained…focus on HEALTH.
I will read this again and again. Great piece. Encouraging.
I get everything you said. In 2007 I started my “healthier lifestyle.” I started with working out and eating to have energy to work out. I figured the weight would follow. I went from an 18 to a 2/4 (depending on the brand). NEVER in my life did I think that was even possible. I thought if I got down to an 8 I’d be lucky. What I tell other people is that it is not a “diet.” In the past, when I was on a “diet” I remember saying “when I go off, I’m eating pizza.” I don’t do that anymore. If you go ON a diet, you will go OFF a diet. Now, if I want pizza, I will have it then go back to my healthy eating. I’m doing it for health — not weight — but doing it for health keeps my weight down! And I know it’s forever.
Congratulations and well done!!! Because of you, I WILL get on the treadmill today!
Good for you Jennifer. Keep up the good fight. The payoff is not only looking good, but feeling good. And these days to me, that’s way more important. Btw, not understanding the advise to start eating later in the day. It’s far healthier to eat well in the morning and afternoon and much lighter later in the day when you are not as active. At least that works for me.
you look amazing more importantly you feel better inside and out. I am soooo happy for you. Enjoy and be happy you are and always have been a wonderful person inside and out.
Are you still exercising with the Bar method program?
When you baked the rainbow cake you reminded me of Amy Sedaris. Because how can anyone take a five foot tall rainbow layer cake seriously after watching Kevin Sharkey eat the Alice in Wonderland Shrunken cake slice on Martha’s video—–Why don’t you have your own web TV show like Lisa Kudrow and Web Therapy??? Also if you want anymore career advice I have my own Web Career Advice show on in the near future
Congratulations Jennifer! I know only too well your struggles. Finding our own beauty within no matter our size is the hardest lesson in the world.
The last pic I saw of you was gorgeous – you look radiant. Don’t give up.
thanks for sharing this. i’m struggling to lose weight too. it’s not fun to have HBP/insulin resistance/baby weight hanging over my head but i keep on keepin’ on. it’s reassuring to know that others struggle too. keep up the fight!
You look amazing! Keep it up. Continue to kick ass!
Congratulations on achieving your goal! I know you will find the strength to continue on your journey to good health, and healing from the loss of your mother; I know that it’s a long process, and painful at times, but definitely worth it. My best to you, Annie
proud of you. great job Jenny! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have gone through similar struggles with my weight. I sometimes think it must be so much easier to be thin and in shape if someone is wealthy/beautiful/famous – but you just validated that it is difficult no matter what one’s personal situation. The only thing that can make you do it is sheer will power and consistency. My goal is to not be fat and 40 (which gives me until this September). I’m going to print out your post as inspiration 🙂
Can you fit into skinny jeans?
i like you and think you are terrific at any size. happy mommy’s day. xxx
https://www.feministing.com/
Awesome news, Jennifer! Congratulations. I’m right there with you.
Loved this post. Thanks for being so honest. You are beautiful inside and out!
I saw you in a picture on the blog a couple of weeks ago and thought you looked great! You were in the back so it was hard to see, but you looked like you had lost a lot of weight. I’m a fatty trying to get my shit together and loose weight, so you inspire me. We are the same age, and so I will use you as my inspiration. What worked the best for you?
You are great no matter what size!
xo,
S
Wow Jennifer I loved this post! from one “fat struggler” to another , boy have I been there!! and still am ! Ha!
Congratulations Jennifer on making such a positive change! I am a mom that has had cancer and my concern during treatment was always for my children’s well being. I am sure your mom would be so happy to know the direction you are moving your health in. Happy Mother’s Day to you!!
Going to keep it short and sweet. Thanks Jennifer for sharing your struggles. There are many of us out there going through the same thing. So THANK YOU!
Jennifer,
You should write a book.
You have a way with words.
Enjoy your realistic approach to
solving problems we all have.
Keep up the the good things. You will make it.
Wow! That was a long post! I hope you realize that most of us think you are a beautiful womran whether your weight is up or down. (Down is always better, though!) I dropped 40 lbs 2 years ago and it’s still off, in spite of some occasional “weekends of debauchery”. Just kep up the exercise and you’ll be fine!
I hate having to deal with Mother’s Day, too – I lost my mom 9 years ago and the incessant Mother’s Day ads do nothing but rub it in.
Congrats. Keep it up. Good Health is worth it.
OMG!! you took the words right out of my mouth as I sit her in my desk chair reading your blog you are me and I’am you and I feel that someone out there is just like me. And your right American Eagle jean’s are fabulous and I rock in the skinny ones… Keep on keepin on Jennifer.
You and your friend Alexis are honest and real and it all works.
We all can get a bit lazy about doing the work that is needed inorder to maintain optimum health. Not that you are lazy, but when you have so many things occupying your mind, its hard to put diet and excercise at number one on the list. We can see the result so bravo to you……..
I hate when women say……….Im not selfish enough to put my self first……………… I say its just plain laziness, mixed with useless stuff……..and again Im not saying you are lazy………… in your case I would say you were immobilized by some things, and now the weight has lifted a bit for you………. its a constant struggle and a work in progress for all to maintain health………. But boy does Alexis make it look easy……….. must be a bitch and an inspiration for you to live with that kind of discipline on a daily basis. But you do have me intrigued with Alexis’ not eating until later in the day? ………What its that about?
can you elaborate? how much later………not that I would ever give up my breakfast……….
I have to say that for anyone overweight or short and overweight jeans are never the best choice when picking out paints. I think they make you look more bulky, instead select a workout pant for casual or a classic trouser for every day……..
Jennifer,
You’re a great person. Stop over-thinking things & just relax. Once you focus on your positive family and write down your goals, you’ll achieve the weight you want. Don’t make it a “Big Issue”…you’re well on your way. Get out of your own head for a while.
Much success & happiness.
You Go Girl……..
Remember, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels”!
Keep on going!
Jennifer – I have always identified with you and admired you through the Whatever TV show and when I read this post I even more inspired. I’m where you were and want to be where you are now. I’m on WW and working on it.
Thank you for being so honest and frank.
Kristin
You can follow my journey on my blog:
https://jugglinginfinity.blogspot.com/
me too. both parents are gone and in ’05 my former boss jumped off the golden gate bridge (no kidding).
since last june have shed (not “lost” — lost implies I am looking to find it — hell no) 50 lbs. eating less. moving more. taking it one day at a time. i have been chubby all my life (except when i was about 6 and stopped eating almost completely for some strange reason).
i am back in the thinner clothes i was in before the swan dive. i have a way to go, probably 75-90 more, but i think i get it now, i understand the process — slow and steady — consistant. i will never be super thin, don’t think i want to be, but i am more healthy now and can only get better.
i am right there with you baby. congrats on “getting it” too. j
Hi Jen,
I had a huge wake up call a few weeks ago. I realized that I don’t like myself enough and need the attention of “unattainable” guys to feel worthy. So, now I’m on a path to learn to like myself more.
One thing I’m doing is paying attention to the things I tell myself, which I know are not so friendly. Half the battle is realizing you’re doing it. Sometimes the awareness alone will stop the negativity.
I wonder what things you say to yourself on a daily (or hourly!) basis that are unkind and inevitably lead to eating and struggling?
It’s SO much easier said than done to become aware of your thoughts…especially when you’ve been on automatic pilot for 20, or more, years.
I’m going to guess that part of this battle for you, Jen, is to learn to like yourself more. And to be nice to yourself.
🙂
Jennifer
Short people CAN wear jeans! Or any kind of “paints” for that matter. Hmmmm reminds me of the old 80’s painters pants!
Hey Jennifer…You are doing great and are fantabulous…..keep it up and you will do great. xo <3
Keep at it your story could be mine and at 67 it is harder than before
Rock on Jennifer!
Stay with it Jennifer. Grief is a bitch and can a effect many things. You have to move through it emotionally and physically. Sending good vibes.
Thank you for posting this.
I am so, so happy for you! And anyone else out there who is trying to get their life back, I’m rooting for you too!
I just really like you!
I am so inspired i need to loose a few lbs brfore summer. Yikes bathing suits yuk!!!!!!!!
Jennifer, congratulations and thanks for posting this. I can totally relate. I think that you are lucky that you finally “got it” and the weight came off. Hope it happens to me someday and then more stories like this I hear the more hope that I have
That’s fantastic Jennifer!!!
Oprah had Geneen Roth on her show yesterday, she is the author of Women Food and God and it seemed very interesting and a totally different approach to weight loss.
CONGRATS…BUT….ONE DOWN SIDE TO YOUR WEIGHT LOSS…… FAT PEOPLE ARE HARDER TO KIDNAP!!! LMFAO..I CRACK MYSELF UP!!!
Dear Jen,
Keep on keeping on..try not to think of this change as dieting. Think of this as a change of diet. I never realized that my Mom was doing me a favor when we would have cantalope for dessert. Cakes were for birthdays only and ice cream was a huge and rare treat. My Dad was a 7-UP man back in the fifties and we always had cases of soda pop in the basement. It was not for our consumption, but for him to load his truck to sell. We did not have soda pop every day. We drank milk and water. We did have kool-aide in the summer sometimes. So, Thanks to my Mom for not letting me eat Chef-Boyardee or Twinkies. Thanks for the apple instead.
Good Luck Jennifer. You’ll do just great!
I so hear you. Lost my mom to cancer in 2003 and then 10 months later, suddenly dad died of a heart attack. Devastation led to weight gain; when your 2 most important people disappear in one year, it just feels ridiculously cruel to deny yourself chocolate and caramel. And when your whole body literally aches from grief and loss, it’s next-to-impossible to get off the sofa and start exercising. So now, I find myself 70 lbs heavier than I was, terrified to stay this weight, terrified to lose it.
I’m so glad you’re not wasting your gifts by practicing as a lawyer. You’re so much more useful to the world when you laugh and cry with us.
jenny, i played your video from april & i see definition of your shoulder & biceps….you are looking even more comfortable on video. you really are looking great!! keep up the fantastic mindset & you’ll keep progressing. (ps, I like your hair the lighter red than the really bold red)
i am struggling so much now so i really identify with your blog….glad that you are feeling better…more focused; you have reminded me that we are always able to get back on track….Keep up the great work!
bless you jennifer.
you go girl!! you’re worth it.
yea you!!!
Good going Jennifer! My Nana passed away Nov 1st and in the weeks leading up to her passing and the months afterward, I had no desire to get back to my previously decent eating habits. A couple of weeks ago, I found a 2 month old issue of Self magazine and started the Self challenge last week. Down 4lbs so far. The meal plans are easy to follow but my main goal is to get back to eating what I need at every meal.
Good for you!
Go to a bookstore and get Geneen Roth’s book,
Women, Food and God.
I have struggled with weight my whole life
and a lightbulb went off when I started to read it.
It is life changing and will help you get grounded in your journey.
Bravo for you!
Hi Jennifer, just wanted to thank you for once again helping me through a rough spot in my life journey, I can relate to your story 100%. Reading this today is just what I needed to help me stay on track towards my goal as I was considering giving up. Congratulations for not giving up, you are an inspiration!
Good for you Jennifer. Thank you for sharing. I understand how life gets in the way of being healthy. I have recently lost 60lbs on WW, it has been a long journey, and now I am so fearful that I will gain it back, and I don’t want to. I have decided to take one day at a time, that’s all we can do, don’t give up if you feel good about how you feel.
Which American Eagle Jeans do you like? I’m on the short side like you so I was thinking I might like the same???
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I’ve dealt with weight issues all my life, I can relate to life getting the in way of getting healthy. Every emotional issue is a test to my resolve to take care of myself. Congrats – you’ve jumped into the abyss and come out victorious. I’ve recently started my journey back to living a healthier life – at times exciting, scary, overwhelming, and hopeful. The recipe you made does look delicious and the book looks like a good source of tasty and lower calorie meals – emphasis on the tasty- and I am going to buy it.
This is such an inspiration. It is comforting to fell you are not alone. I am paying my gym membership and not attending. I fell guilty and I eat more. But after reading your blog I feel tomorrow is a better day and gym here I come!!!! You look GREAT!!!
Oh, losing a parent at this age is so hard. My dad died 3 years ago (April 12, 2007). He died of a horrific disease called Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis (IPF). This disease kills more people a year than Breast Cancer. Way more people get breast cancer but IPF has an almost 100% fatality rate. My uncle now has the same disease. My dad was lucky enough to get a lung transplant which gave him almost 3 good years and a death that was quicker and less horrific than it could have been.
My point in all this is: You will never again will feel carefree and clueless. Losing a parent or sibling radically changes your life view. For me, it is like death is always close. Maybe it is in my pocket, close by and tucked away but always always near. I am a nurse and have seen many people die so it isn’t as if I never knew death but losing my dad was horrific and rocked my world. I still can’t listen to music that was popular when I was a kid, I have only been to the cemetary once (granted I don’t live near it), and it took me almost 3 years to be able to go out to the property where he has a little cabin. The cabin is so much my dad. He built it himself and all the things in it were him. It was his hunting cabin but he and my mom would go there and have a picinic dinner often and he just loved that property and being near the flora and fauna.
You are walking the path that so many of us are walking and that means you are not alone. Granted we don’t know each other but I am walking with you, holding your hand and giving you support and encouragement. I too gained 40 pounds after my dad’s death and haven’t been able to drop it so I feel for you and am very proud of your accomplishment. Keep up your health -for you and for your children and husband. And remember we are walking along with you.
Jennifer….Wow! That is one long, hard road you’ve taken. It’s so not easy, but be really proud of yourself for digging deep and figuring out how to do the right thing for yourself, your husband and your kids. You’re such a good person that the effort is worth the struggle. Congratulations!
Hi Jennifer. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. It’s so open and honest, and I think a lot of us can identify with your words, thoughts and experiences. I’m wondering if you’ve ever tried not to lose weight, but to manage it. What do I mean? I participated in and now work with a behavior weight management program at the University of Vermont. Called Vtrim Online, it’s all about identifying unhealthy behaviors than strategizing ways to change them. Over time the change is ingrained and you are on your way to long-term lifestyle change versus a quick fix diet. In fact, I hate the word “diet” – it should all be about a healthy lifestyle! Anyhow, if you’d like to talk more about Vtrim, I’m happy to chat. @tursita on Twitter and email is atursi@ksvc.com. Best to you!
Jennifer,
I don’t know if you remember me but I lost my 5 yr old son right at the same time u lost your mom. I know the terrible pain of grief…although different, it’s just horrible and life altering. I too have had a life long struggle with weight but had it in check for 5 years in July of 08’…. Well, I sit here and I am up 20 lbs. Jenn… and don’t know where to begin again. I was truly moved by your entry and inspired to start walking and counting points tomorrow!
Thanks for your honesty!
Dan in Westchester
Jennifer, I can so relate to your weight problems. I have been on the right track for a whole week now 😉 and I do feel better. I hope to make this a life style change and not a diet and I will incorporate some exercise in soon. I saw you on the Today show this week and I can certainly tell you’ve trimmed down a lot! Keep up the good work for your family but mostly for you!
amazing jenny! cannot i am just now reading this! congrats on your efforts-its a way of life and it suits you well! you look great! at the end of the day, it will may you happier and healthier!