(This post is also available on huffington post)
Weeks ago I was asked to guest co-host a tv talk show.
My appearance was confirmed this past Friday.
And canceled late this morning before tomorrow’s scheduled appearance.
Reason given: “the higher ups changed their mind.”
Reason heard: “the higher ups hate you”, “You’re a loser”, “You’re not good enough”, “your tales from the treadmill videos are stupid.”
When I was single, I went on many dates.
Usually after the first date, I’d know whether I was longing for the second date.
And usually, when I was longing for the second date…
He didn’t call.
In romance, one wants. And often, one waits to find out if the want is reciprocated.
And when it is not, the conjecture (torture) begins.
Does he not like me because I’ve got such a giant ass?
Does he not like me because I’ve got big teeth?
Does he not like me because I’m a red head?
Does he not like me because my boobs aren’t big enough?
Does he not like me because I’m short?
Does he not like me because I’m funny?
I hated being single.
I hated the damn dating auditions.
I also wanted to be an entertainer back then.
BUT
I hated the professional auditions too.
I didn’t go on many because I didn’t have a tough enough constitution to deal with rejection. It was just as I handled the romance thing:
I wouldn’t get a call back or get hired and I’d ruminate:
Do they not want to hire me because I’m too fat?
Do they not want to hire me because I’m not funny?
Do they not want to hire me because I’m too funny?
Do they not want to hire me because I’m not smart enough?
Do they not want to hire me because I’m not likeable?
Is my “network hair” not “network” enough?!
Thankfully, I met my husband and organically the dating auditions ended.
But the professional ones… I quit trying.
I was 27. I was in love. I didn’t want to deal with rejection anymore, so I gave up the dream of being an entertainer.
Within 3 years I had a husband, a son, a daughter, a mortgage and a whole lot of dissatisfaction.
I LOVE my husband and my babies…too much to adequately describe…
But I needed more.
And it took me 5 more years to get that more, but I did.
In 2005, I started co-hosting a Sirius XM radio show, which led to 3 (ultimately canceled) tv shows, and two new Sirius XM radio shows.
6.5 years after I started I am still on the air and THRILLED being there every day.
I LOVE hosting my show.
On the air I feel free, open, alive, connected, loved, appreciated, good enough and HAPPY.
I’m going to focus on those feelings rather than the loser ones.
I’m sure to sleep better that way.
And tomorrow, I’ll try for another TV gig.
And maybe this one I’ll book and even get to do!
xo
jenny
I love how honest you are, and that you are able to articulate what so many can’t or won’t.
I don’t know what I would listen to if not for you. Sirius radio has become boring. The only two shows that I enjoy is Dr. Jen on Cosmo and you. TMZ can be interesting, some of the time.
I think the moral is “all in good time”.
~Dawn
You are way too awesome to not have whatever dreams you have fulfilled. xoxoxo
Jenny, all the the imperfections you see are exactly what make you unique & loveable to everyone around you…. Great things come in small packages, your personality bursts from your tiny frame! Your red hair is just a forewarning of the fiery attitude you exhibit. Your intelligence speaks for itself, you’re a NOTARY for gd sakes! (oh yeah, and an attorney in good standing, too). Don’t let the poor decision of this show get you down. You are better off without them, something bigger and better is surely coming. Your Huttaholics are here, and will always be here. Keep that bigger than life smile on your face and get ready for the great things that are sure to come to you in return for the years of hard, dedicated work.
Show biz is rough. It takes a lot out of a person. But I know that you’ll perservere and win! You’re positive and bubbly and so many of us enjoy listening to and watching ya on the brightly colored box. Keeping on keeping on, Jen. Nobody’s gonna stop ya’!
It’s definitely not the boobs or ass. 🙂
Treadmill question.
Have any married gay couples that you know changed their last name. If so are gay men or women more likely to keep their original name?
Have your father send them to the bottom of the East River.
the JERKS!
You’ll get it. Don’t ever doubt yourself.
Jenny, I had to laugh at you crying on air today. But not to be mean but because that was me on Friday at work. I was pms’ing bad and was yelled at by a customer on the phone and started crying and didnt stop all day. It sucks but I got thru it. Love you and love the show.
<3 xo i love how emotional you are… you'll make it work, always do 🙂
cas!! i have to get this toy to you. blurg. hopefully ill remember tomorrow.
Awww well thats okay. Failure is okay! Something else will eventually come along! Keep trying and hoping for the best.
Their loss. They probably knew you were too good for them.
Know what I always think when something like that happens? —— The other guy had ‘uncles.’ ‘Cause not every time, but SOOO many, it DOES come down to that….(sigh)
Boo. They made a mistake.
how are your feet! nice to (virtually) see you.
I wish I could listen more often because you are a breath of fresh air! I have such great respect for someone who is willing to be so honest. As for the tv show – it is definitely their loss. Something bigger and better will come along and you will kick ass.
Chin up, that what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger.
Jenny you freaking rock. I just wish that your show was longer and could be replayed at different time slots. Keep killing it on the air, you’re going to get that tv show. And I can’t wait to watch it.
Awww Jenny,I really feel for you……I think there are great things coming your way but these are challenges to get through first. Your family, friends and fans love you and really, in the end, that’s what matters most. <3
Xoxo
Susan
Dear god, Jennifer, when I saw your picture in this post, I thought you were going to write about being ill. You scared me by looking so sad, pained, and tiny!
Keep trying but please don’t take rejection or last-minute changes or whatever so seriously. It’s just not worth it!
youre correct. i only flip out in the moment. it doesnt linger past a few hours. today im much better. i also dont do well without explanation… that’s my biggest issue. my mind goes wild with conjecture. silly i know. working on it. NOT TINY. ate so much pizza. normal sized. this i promise you. my arm looks very skinny in that pic. in reality it isnt so…
Jenny, you get so much support from all of your listeners, we LOVE you, so why do you fixate on the ONE negative person who makes a comment. WHY? WHY? There is so much we can discuss going on, why focus on some shitty comment from someone hiding behind an online post? You are great! xoxo
Jenny– You are the BEST. I bet that show SUCKED without you. Everything happens for a reason. I bet whoever was in the studio that day somehow was infected with something awful that they’ll find out about in a few months. You dodged a bullet. Enjoy your mutant bacteria-free life you amazing human you… XOOXOXXO love, me
You’re the best hungry girl!!!
Gelman is a jerk!
funny. but it wasnt that show.
Geddie is a jerk!
jh, i see your pic made the eating disorder site. as soon as i saw those arms i knew it would i would see comments. why did you go from one extreme to the other? it’s like you are running from something everyday on that little treadmill of yours. stop the insanity!
Oh my gd. I am so not skinny in that way!!! Haha. Ask radio Sean Ryan. Call the radio show. I’m ridiculously ordinary!
Jenny,
You better start eating, you look like a toothpick in that photo. Quit saying that the picture isn’t the “true” you. It is- get some food in that belly! I thought show biz was all about ups and downs? You have to have thick skin to survive…I think?
i SWEAR im not… good camera angle. too much food in my belly this week. i weigh myself every day. i am not even at my super low weight! hopefully i will be monday. haha.
Huffington Post again? You are doing so well for yourself..You are on your own, doing it yourself and making a living…okay not as much as when you were at the “other” place, but hey you are doing what you love!
You are so lucky oh, and oh so skinny!
Jeorgee
Your arms are skinny in every picture you take-maybe you really do not see what we all see. Please stay healthy and eat your veggies and try to stop binging and then cleansing and eat like dr mark hyman tells us to. we just love and care about you!
swear i am healthy. SWEAR!