my mom loved my son jacob so much!
Tomorrow is the 5th Mother’s Day without my mom. I hate this day.
In my mom’s honor, here is an excerpt from the speech I gave at the JHE event last week.
“LOSING MOMMY:
I had this really cool radio show on siriusxm called whatever with alexis and jennifer, I was getting control of my body- probably because i was feeling happier and fulfilled.
Then my mother got sick and my whole existence changed.
During this time, I let my guard down and learned to be vulnerable. or was forced to be vulnerable. not sure which. But anyway,
Fall of 2007 my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
And for 9 mos, my sister and I would take my mom to her treatments, be with her after, take care of our kids and husbands, and in between all of this I would go to nyc and do my radio show and then shoot my first tv show.
My mom’s name was Bunny or Mommy. She was spectacular, super smart, gorgeous, funny, warm, crazy, demanding, unrelenting, naughty, fiercely loyal and fabulous.
I loved her so much.
From as early as I can remember my mom believed in my potential to do something great.
Now her version of great was maybe my being able to wear a bikini without a sarong (never going to happen!)
She also thought i could be a judge. Or a doctor. Or president.
She had total faith in my brain capacity and personality,
little faith in my ability to regulate my body weight.There was not a single move i made that I wasn’t searching and wanting her approval.
My mom was of course the most loving mom mom to my kids, and mother in law to my husband.
My mom was my foundation.
She was my judge and jury.
She was my biggest fan.
She was my biggest critic.
She was the start of every day for me at 7am when she’d call my house and ask what i was doing…(what do you think im doing it is 7am!!!) She was the one I’d talk to most throughout the day.”
My mom died July 8, 2008.
And although she isn’t actually here anymore,
I am reminded of her each time I catch a glimpse of myself on TV.
THANK YOU MOMMY because your influence and impact continues to show through every over the top facial expression I make.
They come from you.
And I am so grateful because I think they make people smile.
Just like you did.
I miss you.
Tomorrow is the 5th Mother’s Day without my mom. I hate this day.
xo
Jenny
This will be my second Mother’s Day without my mom and I hate this day too. Your speech excerpt mirrors exactly my feelings about my mom and how I miss her in precisely the same way you miss yours. It is because of the mother she was to me that tomorrow I will smile and be happy with my kids, even though I can’t wait for it to be Monday. She and I used to sit on the beach at least once a summer and eat cold meatloaf sandwiches. Tomorrow we are going to go to Jones Beach and do that….and I will miss her every minute and with every bite I take, wishing she was next to me.
oh amy. i am so sorry for you. it doesnt get easier but it does get more, sadly, normal. xo.
Wow you have touched SO many heart felt places that I share with you! My mom was called Judie or Baubie! and those that weren’t her grandchildren called her Baubie too! I know you know what Baubie is! ; )!
Ive struggled with my weight ALL my life! My mom will be gone 2 years on the 16th of this month! it seems like yesterday! I can still hear her, smell her, and picture her giving me “That look” when I eat something im not supposed to! been working with a FAB DIETITIAN for a couple months who is really helping!
My Mom would be so proud!!
Dont hate tomorrow because you dont have her, Embrace tomorrow because you had an amazing Mom who taught you to be an amazing Mom too!!
Thanks for the tears! Our ducts need a little cleansing every now and then!
have a FAB MOMS DAY!!!!
we are all in this club together. yuck. keep going!!! you will feel soo good. xo.
I hate Mother’s Day too …in fact I start hating it well in advance, with every commercial I see or magazine ad leading up to the dreaded day that I spend entirely with a lump in my throat. This is my 3rd without my mom who I also lost to pancreatic cancer…what a horrific disease. My 3 kids keep me going and I know my mom would want me to enjoy the day and would never want the thought of her to break my heart the way it does. You are right it doesn’t get easier you just get used to it. It’s amazing how losing your mom changes so much in your life….not a day goes by that I don’t think of her or see her in my own reflection or mannerisms. Thanks for expressing how you feel…it helps to know there are people who really get it. “Happy” Mother’s Day tomorrow …hope we both can enjoy it.
you have great kids!!! best to focus on them… i agree. and yes, life gets defined by it. do whatever you want tomorrow!!! that’s my philosophy. xo
Yes it DOES help a lot to know there are other people who understand how you feel. Thanks!!
My most treasured parent was my Dad. This Father’s Day will be #11 without him. Because he left, I now get to mother my mother, who (little by little) is losing it – don’t know if it’s Alzheimer’s or just plain old aging and crotchetiness. Whatever it is, she’s not the person I remember her being and I wish that I never had to see her this way. I was never as close to her as I was my Dad. He was my champion, my friend, my idol. But I still respected the choices she made and the opinions she had. Now it’s a fight just to not hit her when she argues with me about EVERYTHING (it was sunny today… no, it rained all day, Mom. IT DID NOT – it was sunny).
I don’t have kids (completely my choice), but I’m forced into mothering this woman who brought me up. I mother my nephews and my friend’s kids and the kids in the neighborhoos. But will I get a “Happy Mothers Day” tomorrow? Nope… not in a million years.
So Happy Mothers Day to all you non-moms out there who still mother the ones you love! Whether your children are younger or older than you, have 2 legs or 4 legs, whatever. Have a great day!
youre a wonderful daughter!!! Sorry about your dad. ugh. thankfully, poo poo poo i do have my dad. and we are close. I love him a lot…
You described my mother too. My mother died in 2002. Suddenly.
But Mother’s Day now is about me…. For my children. I don’t hate the day. I embrace the traditions we have so my kids will smile and think of me while I am here and when I am gone ( poo poo poo )
It is not a day I hate. It’s a day that I let my children focus on THEIR mom.
Your mother would not want you to be unhappy.
You know that.
You’re right Lori. Hope tomorrow is ok for you! xo
Jenny, love your beautiful heartfelt poignant words. This will be my first Mother’s Day without my mother. As I’ve posted here before, my mother and I had a relationship fraught with resentment (hers toward me—I was born ten months and twenty days after my sister and was a distincly unwelcome addition) and hurt and a desperate desire to be loved by her on my part—a desire that I think turned her off. However, after her cancer diagnosis, she came to live with me and my husband and I was her caregiver throughout her treatment for throat cancer. At one point during her second-to-last-hospitalization, she turned to my husband and said “Dianne is a good person.” When she had a horrible reaction to chemo and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital, she told me that holding my hand was the most comforting thing when she thought she was going to die. I don’t have children but at the end of her life, my mother became my child. My mother’s rejection of me in life has hurt me terribly—but at the end of her life, I had nothing but admiration and respect for my mother and the way she fought to live–she was much braver than I could ever be. Thank you for this forum that allows me to write about this complicated relationship and the way cancer changes everyone it touches. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
And I will be thinking of you… Glad you felt loved and appreciated ultimately.
Life is complicated. That’s for sure! xo
Oy. Such beautiful words both by you (as always) and by these commenters. 2nd Mothers Day without my Mom. I’ll never forget one thing you wrote Jenny about frolicking on the beach and not having your mother’s judgement anymore. That stuck with me and I love it. Don’t miss the judgement. Loved my mother, don’t get me wrong. Happy Mothers Day everyone.
Thanks.. Sorry about your mom. Still early on for you. Ick. Yeah. The judgment stuff isn’t easy! But we learn and try to do it less with our kids right? And then find we still do it! My mom did the best she could and it was exactly right for me.
To all of you & Jennifer I wish you all nothing but peace, love & the ability to move forward. Although easy for me to say, my mom is still here with me but I often think “what if,” & I don’t want to ever have to go there. I’m so very sorry for all your loses & truely Jennifer you really know how to make me hysterical for the “what if,” it ever happens. I have no family to really speak of & I often think I would die of a broken heart but here again I don’t want to go there or think about it. I sincerely hope all of you have a peaceful Mothers Day being the wonderful mothers you all are to speak of your moms like you did truely touches me so I can’t put words to the emotions I one day will have to face “the what if!” I will think of you all tomorrow with only well wishes!
Love your mom! You’re a good daughter. Focus just on that now. Xo!
oh jenny, that made me cry. my mom’s name is bunny. my mom has colon cancer and although she’s doing okay, your words made me think. although our “bunnies” are very different, mom’s are moms, and i’m very happy to have one today, on mother’s day. i wish you love and happy mother’s day!
Healing thoughts to your Bunny!!! xo
This was my second Mother’s Day without my mom. Like you, she was my rock and foundation. She was really the only person who I knew loved me no matter what. And she always gave advice that was in my best interest. Losing her has been the most painful thing in my life. I miss her everyday and know I always will. I’m still trying to find that peace in my heart and move forward without the heaviness. I know I’ll never be “over it”, but have to learn to incorporate this into my life.
Thanks for expressing your thoughts on this!
You have written something special about your mother. I’m sorry for your loss. I bet now you understand when I say I hate mother’s day and father’s day as both my parents have been gone (13 and 11 years). My dad was stubborn to the end. He even got his teeth cleaned about a week before he died! He was an orthodontist. He had liver cancer and had surgery and no chemo and lasted almost 3 years… But I miss them both terribly.