Let me die first.
Nauseating.
Sorry.
But if I am thinking or feeling it then maybe you are too.
I read a tragic story about a beautiful young girl’s suicide brought on by years of suffering from mental illness.
Doris Fuller was a devoted mother to her bright and talented daughter Natalie.
They had a strong, loving, solid and open relationship.
Natalie was twenty-nine years old with a bright future- cut short by a leap in front of a moving train.
Heavy shit.
Doris Fuller wrote about her loss in the Washington Post – so that we can all be aware of the “monster” or “demon” that could be within our babies.
I am so sad for her, so scared for us.
And now I want to throw up.
When my son was born sixteen plus years ago, my “push gift” was a giant box of worry tied up with a super anxious bow.
Twenty months later, my baby girl arrived.
She came with a loud reminder that mommy will never sleep again!
Typical, common, and automatic (and bad enough!) are the fears of the routine stuff like food allergies, SIDS, drowning, choking, falling, illness, drinking, promiscuous sex, drugs, and the like.
Stranger danger! Pedophiles, kidnappers, liars, bullies, and innocence thieves run amok!
So we pad the walls and lock the doors (in theory) hoping to keep our kids safe.
But how do we keep our kids safe from themselves?
I wish I could give the answer, but I don’t have it.
I am not a doctor (and they don’t always have the answer!)
But as a mom in the trenches like you, I say
Make sure your kids know there’s no problem you are unwilling to help.
Make sure your kids know that being different is not a problem!
Make sure your kids know that their feelings don’t make them freaks.
Make sure your kids know they really CAN tell you EVERYTHING.
Make sure your kids know you love them EVEN when they make horrible mistakes, or are (the bad kind of) naughty.
Make sure your kids know you love them just the way they are!
And
Make sure as mothers we talk to each other about all of it- even the super scary potential reality of “demons” inside our kids.
And if said “demons” should emerge within your child, please scream for help.
Then pray a lot, even if you’re not much of a believer.
Thank you for this post…we are an organization founded after our community experienced the devastating loss of one of our middle school children who took her own life.
As an organization dedicated to shattering the stigma associated with teenage mental health issues, I appreciate your comments. We truly believe that no matter what your problems are or what you are going through, you are not the only one who has experienced it. If people could be more willing to share their stories and speak up, the same way they would if it was a broken leg or celiac disease, we might be able to change the way we approach mental health. We truly believe that not only will you connect with others to share the struggle but that others would be willing to reach out for help and not feel the shame often associated with mental health concerns.
I hope you will take a moment to check out our site at http://www.iamstrongfoundation.org or our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/IAMStrongfoundaton.
Thank you for keeping the conversation alive.
Silence is not an option!
I read about that, too. I don’t think I could be strong enough to survive the loss of my girls. I try to teach them that feelings change, bad times pass, but my love for them is forever. xo
One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to interpret what your child does. To see something ‘quirky’ or ‘it’s just a phase’ as actually being a sign of something more sinister or dangerous to come is almost impossible. One of my daughters had that sort of different personality that could easily be chalked up to just being an original, a creative spirit, a unique sweet person. And all those things were true. But it was also true that eventually she suffered from what we believe to be undiagnosed Schizophrenia. We can look back and say, ‘oh that was a sign, or we should have seen this’ but when you are living through it none of those things are enough to make you really think it could be something that severe.
She is now 30 and has somehow made her way in the world. She is in a safe place and lives a life that fits her even if it means almost no communication with her sisters and father (me).