1986. My mom was so gorgeous!
Seven years ago, my mother, Bunny, died.
Seven years ago, I kissed her face, held her hand, whispered I love you and watched her take her last breath.
I am still so raw.
I miss her.
I miss her more and more as the years go on.
The void feels bigger somehow while the gap between my age, and the age at which she died gets smaller.
The five stages of grief feel like a never ending to do list.
I’ve dealt with the denial.
I’m way versed in the anger.
I gave up bargaining well into my mom’s disease.
And now,
I think I’m stuck in the depression,
which means I have some time before acceptance.
I’ve written far more eloquent posts about the complexity of losing one’s mom, of my losing my mom… and if you want, you can read one I wrote last year here.
But today, I just don’t have it in me to write any more.
I love you Mommy.
My mother also passed the same month and year as your mother. You express so much of what I’m feeling and how it feels to lose the one person I truly feel that loves us like no other person can. I still mourn her everyday.
Oh Jen…. So touching… So poignant … And so hard! Just know , as i do, that your mother would be SO proud of the woman you have become! I too think of her often and find it so hard to believe that she is no longer doing her “Bunny stuff ” all over this earth. She is missed by so manypeople… So much…… And Deservedly!!!!!
I’m so sorry about your mom! Everyone says it will get better but as time goes on its not better. I miss my mom so much! I found her dead on a Sunday morning March 28, 1993! I remember it like it was yesterday! I still grive for her everyday! I never got to say good bye to her! She raised 5 girls by her herself and let me tell you we didn’t make it easy for her. I loved her so much! I can relate to how you feel she was your mom and she can never be replaced! There is nothing that you compare to the love if your mom! I hope you feel better soon and I grive with you! Hugs and prayers to you! ❤️
Jenny, I am 64 and my Mom has only been gone for four years and of course I miss her just as you miss your Mom. I know our gender differences impact our comparative emotional responses, but here is how I handle missing my Mom: I walk into my kitchen and pull out one of her recipes and make it. Often it is the Chocolate Cream Pie, but it doesn’t matter. I make it and I feel her back in my life. My wife and kids all say, “Yum, Bub’s Chocolate Cream Pie,” and somehow it just makes me smile.
Ed from Baltimore
Hi, Jenny. Because you’re so genuine, I feel for you as I would a friend. I’ve never written a fan letter before, but, after listening to your show on satellite 109 for the last several months and following you on Facebook, I’ve come to the conclusion that you just have to be my long-lost sister! Or, you could be any one of my cousins!
Look Jenny, there’s nothing that I can say that wouldn’t sound either patronising or sickly toady. Just know that you’re special to so many of us, and that is, I believe, because of your mom. She gave you so much – no, she gave you everything. So, for the rest of us, we owe her (and your dad , of course 😉 ) a great thank you for…you, Jenny.
And, hey, if you’re ever in Boston or Cambridge, send a shout-out! I would love to meet you (we’re in NYC quite often, too)…we’d have a blast!!
I feel your hurt today. My mom died 7 years ago in April and my dad died last July. Friday will be his one year anniversary. My anxiety is high.. I’m 40 years d orphan! I just want my parents back.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you Jenny. I’m not sure we can ever accept our parent’s death. My dad died 20 years ago this coming September, and I still misss him, particularly around his birthday and in September which is when he died. I think having someone to talk to helps so you don’t hold the grief bottled up inside. That’s when the anxiety and depression seems to take hold. Here’s to all your wonderful memories of your mom.
I remember your mom so vividly – her kindness, generosity, spirit and love. Her smile alone was enough to make me feel better during that crazy first year of law school. There are no words to soothe your pain and fill the void. Please know that she was so loved and left an indelible mark on all those who were fortunate to know her.
So sorry about your Mom. I hope someday the joyous memories of you and your Mom overshadow the darkness of her passing. Love is stronger than death. I wrote the book Throw Me The Rope:A Memoir on Loving Lauren on my 26-year-old late daughter. The book has helped thousands with the grieving process. The LA Times printed an excerpt from the book. It is on Amazon.com. I would like to send you a copy.
Your mom was a truly beautiful person, inside and out. My mother likes to remind me that when I was born, Bunny came by to meet me, and her first comment was “She has such perfect ears!” – which gives me a smile. (To this day, I remain particularly confident about my ears 🙂 I could always count on her for positive energy, a warm smile, tremendous generosity, an open door and, of course, impeccable taste. (NO ONE can rock a short haircut like Bunny K did). She’ll always have a very special place in my heart. Big hug, old friend
Hillary, Yea Bunny’s hair was perfect! You gave me smile reading your post. I only worked on the estate a short while, but Bunny was very kind and complimentary to me. When my brother Brad died Bunny and Charles took charge and paid for his funeral, in 1994. I can’t say I know the pain Jenny feels, as I am caregiver of my parents whom are in their eighties. I have to state that my watching how the Koppelmans took care of Grandma and Grandpa is what instilled in me to care for my parents like Jenny’s family cared for her Mr. K’s parents.
But I have to admit to Jenny that my brother’s death and my acceptance may be here. I spent this last week and visited our cabin that I have not been to since my brothers death, and it was not easy. As this was practically the last time I saw my brother alive and not on life support.
The one thing Jenny doesn’t know is Norma tried to get me to go out with Jenny while I worked at the estate! I felt that would be a major mistake as an employee of Bunny and Charles.
Dear Jenny
I listened to you yesterday just as you came on air and knew immediately that something was amiss. When you said it was the anniversary of your Mom’s death, I burst out crying, wishing I could hug you. My heart breaks for you. I think it’s so wonderful that you honor her every day of your life.
I lost both my parents, four days apart, this past spring. I cannot believe the ache I have in my chest every day, the feeling that I will never get over this terrible void in my life. I am 56, married with two children and a new grandchild…I have so much to be happy about but I want my parents. I miss them. They loved me unconditionally.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I know what you are feeling. I mean – I really know – because I could have written your post. I cant even recount the actual years its been since my Daddy was taken, and I don’t want to even do the math – I think 7 or 8. I’m still stuck in anger and in denial of the depression. A great friend told me, “you never get OVER it, you can only get THROUGH it.” I pray for your comfort and know that your Mom’s love deserves your tears!!!!
I’ve been following you for many years. I can’t believe it’s been over 7 years since your mom died.
I never thought I would get cancer, because no one had it in my family. But, I just finished chemo radiation treatment for cancer myself, and hoping for the best. We must find better cures for cancer, because it is a killer to go through, as well as very deadly and increases your chances of getting all cancers. Even though the testing didn’t find it in my lymph or other organs, the treatment is the same (for my type of cancer) as the worst cases. So, that means, that the damage is the same. My lady parts will never be the same, even though the lady parts didn’t have the cancer.
My cousin died, who was such a asset to us all in our government (Homeland Security) in 2006 of ALS, which is a fairly rare disease, and the ice bucket brigade has raised so much money for ALS, that they are making many new discovers to help cure that ugly disease. Both of his parents died within 6 months of each other from Pancreatic cancer.
**The number of new cases of pancreas cancer was 12.4 per 100,000 men and women per year
** The number of new cases of breast cancer was 124.8 per 100,000 women per year
**And there are so many, many more types of cancers
**ALS is rare. Each year in the United States and most of the world, only 1 to 2 people out of 100,000 get ALS
**About 1,660,290 new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed in 2013 in the US
**A little over 5,600 people in the U.S. are diagnosed with ALS each year
Not to take anything away from ALS, but, something could be done also SURELY, to move cancer cure forward, just what?
I am thinking and thinking of what we could do…
So sorry about your grieving process. I hope the joyous memories of your Mom overshadow the darkness of her death. I lost my 26 year old daughter 71/2 years ago. Her bday is Jan. 31st and I try to remember all the great memories and all that she stood for. I wrote the book THROW ME THE ROPE: A Memoir on Loving Lauren. An excerpt was primed in The LA Times.