If my mom had a bitmoji
It’s my mom’s birthday. She would be seventy-three years old today had she not died at sixty-five.
My mom’s birthday is a super hard day because it highlights what should be in stark contrast to what actually is.
My mom should be celebrating turning seventy-three.
My mom is dead.
I tried to avoid having feelings today by taking the necessary precautions. But the pizza and vanilla mini Oreos I inhaled last night didn’t seem to do the trick.
Some feelings are just too big to eat.
My mom would be seventy-three today which means I’ll be forty-six in ten days. She had me at twenty-seven. She left me at sixty-five. I was thirty-eight. She died seven and a half years ago.
This is a whole lotta math that adds up to a whole lotta tears.
In the words of Barry Manilow, “When will this longing end?”
I don’t get to touch my mom, or smell her. And
she had the best smell. It was important to her to always smell good. In fact, my mom told my brother, sister and me to shoot her if she ever got that “old lady scent.”
I do see my mom in my mirror.
And as time goes by, I see her more and more in that mirror. And in pictures.
It’s weird. Certain angles I look just like her, yet when she was here, I didn’t see her in me.
Maybe it’s my age now. Or my size. I was much fatter when my mom was alive. And, well, much younger.
We have identical hands. And expressions.
I’m going to get a manicure and choose a nail polish she would’ve worn (a bordeaux–esque shade).
And for today I’ll see my hands and trick myself into thinking they’re really hers.
Maybe it’s ok that the longing won’t really ever end.
Maybe that’s just how it is when you love someone so much.
I loved my mom so much.
Hi Jenny. I’ve been a listener for about 4 years now. And up until Dec. 24, I always read your blogs or listened to your stories about losing your mother and felt compassion for you. On Dec. 24, my mother died from a stroke she suffered one week earlier. It was totally unexpected and has left our family in a state of shock. I have received countless condolence messages about how to handle the grief. Perhaps it’s too soon for me to be able to find comfort in those messages. All I know is, like you, I am having difficulty understanding why, and figuring out how to move on. Thank you for sharing your feelings.It helps to know that you are not alone in this type of inconsolable grief.
Sending you hugs from someone who understands you missing your mom. I miss mine too. My moms birthday was January 19 and she would have been 75. Your reference to Barry Manilow was poignant because he was my mom’s favorite singer. I think we will never stop missing our moms and that’s ok.
How beautiful. Brought me to tears. You are a tribute to your Mom. Her light shines in you
I get it. My mom died of ovarian cancer at 37. I was 9. I’m sorry I can’t really remember having a mom.
Jenny the longing for your mom touch voice presence never goes away..but that’s can be a nice thing sometimes because it means she is still with you everyday! I found my mom dead on a Sunday morning. She was only 58. I still hear her voice everyday. She was so funny. A short beautiful lady that raised 6 girls by herself. Hugs to you!
It’s so hard. I was 27 and my mom was 51 when she died in 1998. In 2014, my youngest sister got married, and so I used some of our mom’s nail polish that I hadn’t opened in over 10 years. It was gummy, but some shaking of the bottle did the trick. I did all of my nails in her bright pink polish – just so a physical part of there would be there. And for that day, it was comforting. That’s all we motherless daughters can do to feel just a bit better about the whole damn thing.
Hi! I’m listening to your radio show today about your mother. I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my best friend of 30 years five years ago. It’s still raw… I can’t imagine the loss of a mother.!its seems unbarable.
This year I created a blog called Brunch At Tiffany’s; food for your soul. It’s a community to share the highs and lows and icky stuff of life. I would love for you to check it out. I think it could touch your heart with its authentic conversations.. It ain’t pretty but it’s real! I am looking for nothing from you but to share. When I loss my best friend, my son was. Diagnosed with autism all within 2 months of each other. My husband is the General Manager of an NFL team so the combination of all this was too much! So I tried something different. And the result was this blog. I enjoy your show doing my afterschool busy with the kids drives! Please check it out! I hope it can be a fun, supportive safe place for you to visit and just BE.
Be blessed. And you are not alone…
I heard someone say “Grief is the price of love!” I try not to love or care too much about others. I find myself asking people “How is everything…GOOD?” Like I don’t want to see people hurting and grieving.
Lost my Mom, our Mom, 2 years ago on Jan 30. We must be there legacy ad she lives on in me!
Be well!
I used to watch you with Alexis , then on Dr. Drew , then listened to your radio show . I’m happy to keep up with you on my IPad !
I am sending strength your way today. Obviously, you had a very strong bond with your mom. Thank you for sharing your poignant thoughts. Beautifully written…
Thinking of you all and aunt bunny today. It’s appropriate that is was national chocolate cake day. Lynda
Yes, Jenny you look like your Mom sometimes. But real beauty is this – one moment you look like her, and very next you don,t. So resemblance is in the pause, in the meantime, in your longing, in your love, in your determination to keep her alive. You are doing it so gracefully ! much love your way sweet girl!
Hi Jenny! I am sorry today is hard for you. What I do on days like this is instead of thinking about would should be I think about what was. For example your mother’s birthday is a great day. Your grandparents were so happy for her to be born and be their daughter. Think of the joy on that day of her aunts, uncles and cousins and perhaps even her grandparents. Because of this day your parents met and you are here. Think of how much happiness came into the world today and it is hard to be sad. By celebrating her and her birthday you are honoring and remembering all those who came before her as well. I know it seems so hard but it takes practice. Everytime you feel sad it is ok. Then think of a reason why this day is so wonderful. It takes practice but it works. You will always miss her and that won’t change. However if you don’t dread the day coming, when it does arrive you will be in a better space. I fortunately still have my parents so I can’t say I know how you feel and know one day it will be my reality as well. However now I am going thru something you can relate to. My husband has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My youngest child is 9 and I also have a 16 and 19 year old sons.The loss that we are going to experience is unimaginable. . I cry but then I pick myself up and say this monster will not take another minute away and I go on. I think of how lucky I have been to have so many years with a wonderful man and not focus on the years that will be stolen from my family. Life is not fair and that is the only way I can make sense of it. It does not make the reality any better it just stops me from wasting time wondering why. So I go forward everyday. From a fellow Long Island girl – Today I will be thinking of you!
Love ur sentiment. I lost my precious Mom 10 years ago, I feel your pain! I still grieve, probably always will. Sending love & hugs your way, from one motherless daughter to another. 💗🌻
Was this Bunny? Met her once and did her makeup for a big bash..she was the best!
Hi Jenny
That was beautiful. I knew your family from engineers country club when I was a kid. Our parents were friends. I use to go to SORELL hair salon to get my nails done and your mom use to go the same day. Sometimes we talked. Everyone loved her. Who ever knew her always had the nices things to say about her. She was a very special woman. Not a lot of woman or moms like her. You were very lucky and blessed. Even though it wasn’t as long as you would like. You have a special angel looking after you and so very proud of the woman you’ve become.
This is so sad and beautiful. My 8 year old tells me all the time, “You smell like moooommmmmy.” I’m sorry for your loss.
Hey.. thank you. Looking forward to having you on the air tomorrow!
My mom died when I was 19. I heard you talk today about your mom. I still cry about mine. Miss her my whole life. I needed her too. When I hear women complain about their moms I wonder what that would be like. You never get over the death of your mom. I love your show and your opinions.