he died. finally.
one of my friends texted me when i got home from work telling me "he died. finally." those were my friend’s words to me because he knew i had been waiting for this news.
my mother battled pancreatic cancer for 9 months. she was diagnosed in october of 2007.
patrick swayze was diagnosed in january of 2008 (or we were told of his diagnosis january of 2008)… and he survived 19 months or in dead parent speak- 10 months longer than my mom.
and it isn’t that i wanted patrick swayze (or anyone for that matter) to succumb to this horrible disease…but each day he got to live longer reminded me that my mother didn’t.
self centered thinking?! sure. completely without compassion for someone else? kind of.
honest feelings and emotions? totally.
each day patrick swayze continued living made me question decisions we made during my mother’s illness.. had we done this or that would she still be alive?!
i know it is wrong to feel relief over someone’s dying…and the relief i feel isn’t really that…it is more a quiet comfort knowing that even patrick swayze with the best medical care, whole world pulling for him, newfangled treatments etc… even patrick swayze in all his dirty dancing glory couldnt beat this disease.
i figure in time i will stop second guessing all we did to save my mom but until then… patrick swayze died. finally.
jewish holidays are coming up.
blog update 10:41pm
clearly my blog post above has upset some of you… here’s the thing:
i was a fan of patrick swayze. i loved dirty dancing.
i didn’t kill him.
i feel sad for his family and friends…ofcourse.
but i am human and prone to good/bad/complicated feelings.
aren’t we all?
fb: jennifer koppelman hutt